PURPLE PINUP GURU PLATFORM PISS OFF TUESDAYS!!

So the PP Guru has got to admit - he's been a little out of the peyote loop as far as keeping a close half swollen jaundiced eye on this blog- so it's going to come down to one thing - either contribute on this blog on a regular basis or shut the goddamn thing down completely.

This freakin' myspace.com thing is so time consuming. As of yesterday, the www.blog.myspace.com/purplepinupguru that is supposed to be maintained by that worthless studio hopping Hollywood starlet hobnobbing nincompoop, Cary Coatney feel asleep at the PP Guru mobile wheel and allowed fucking spam gremlins to take over and lo and behold, there were offers for free condoms, penis enlargers, and Wii's in everyone's mailboxes.

Since, the PP Guru sees profit potential with Myspace in terms of selling off that yellowing stock of Landescape Productions Deposit Man books rather to hype any new products- he doesn't want to let all his future customers go to shit ( mostly those in the prog rock and porn communities ). So that's staying on for the foreseeable future. However, the PP Guru realizes that this is the original home that started it all. So he figures, that maybe he should take some time out on Tuesday and vent on things that are not shooting straight through his PP Guru poopshoot.

Here are things that not even a pepto bismol martini consumed rectally can cure:

1) Who the fuck was it on Yahoo! that wrote a big write up on last Sunday's Sopranos Season opener and then went on to spoil the ending for next week's episode? ( in which a certain New York boss doesn't have to worry about commuting his entire life sentence in prison?). Huh? Who the fuck???? The PP Guru demands for his resignation or that he gets tossed to the fishes like Big Pussy did at the end of season two for jumping the fucking shark!!

2) Fucking Don Imus! It's about time we get this chistled old windbag off that fucking screwdriver smelling breathed on microphone once and for all. Just hearing that scratchy fossiled voice of his - endorsing just plain unadulterated racism provokes bad memories of Cary Coatney's stepfather, IN SORELY NEED OF A REALITY CHECK ROGER.!! Go! Al Sharpton, GO and beat that old lizard ass!!

THINGS THAT THE PP GURU is enjoying at the moment:

More good WB Animation stuff on DVD.

Last month, WB Home Video released the final seasons of Justice League Unlimited and Batman Beyond on DVD. Today marks the release of both third season episodes of Teen Titans and THE BATMAN ( yeeck! - but yet, like a cartoon train wreck the PP Guru keeps watching the new episodes whenever they air on Saturday morning paired with that other awful dreck called the Legion of Super-Heroes! ) . The PP Guru can dig on the Titans for it's scatterbrained screwy and it's very ambitious and experimental style that leads for each enjoyable episode to keep the PP Guru peaked and curled up in corns on his purple blight athlete's footed toes - but the BATMAN?

Absolute fucking rubbish.

So boring, so bland, so fucking unoriginal. It's an insult to the legacy that once aired before it.

Not to mention the cardboard looking designs of the Joker ( c'mon, get rid of the dredlocks already! ) and the Penguin ( jeez, Tom Kenny trying to imitate Burgess Meredith- do we really need this painful camp reminder of his constant quacking?) Please, don't get the PP Guru started on the Bazooka Joe moptop that this young Bruce Wayne is sporting. The only redeeming quality of this show is the obscure use of villains such as Cluemaster or The Black Mask or the voice work of Mitch Pileggi ( Skinner on X-Files) as Commissioner Gordon.

WHAT THE PP GURU is really looking forward to are the new DC Direct to DVD movies based on Justice League: New Frontiers, The Teen Titans, The Judas Contract, and The Death of Superman all of which will be produced by Bruce Timm.

And in the weeks ahead: The PP Guru wants to talk about Grindhouse - once he's seen it that is, The new Porcupine Tree album: Fear of A Blank Planet, and other new prog rocks releases by Marillion and Rush, and of course the progress that's raking on the new Deposit Man series of comic books and trade paperbacks.

PP Guru is tired and has a long commute ahead of him. He's even too tired to eat out Rose McGowan's unamputated limb -even if he wanted to.

Tune in or eat out as told to:

~

Coat