HALF ASS!

Hello, and welcome to the first edition of Half Ass- a sort of amatuer stunt programming showcase for writers of unfinished pieces or works already in progess. What I want to accomplish here is to show the structure of how I want to lay out an essay- I may start something and leave it in the middle (usually when the snooze bar mode starts to set in), but I may come back to it and say to myself - what the fuck am I doing this for? Did I actually write that? This is the raw way of doing things: warts and foot fungus and all. The inner trappings of the Coatney mind at work all for your reading perusal.

I've had a good portion of my stuff printed by Comics Buyer's Guide throughout 1993-2000, there might be some stuff that they've published that I haven't seen. I don't know, I still submit stuff to them on occasion, but I don't read the magazine on a regular basis due to time constraints and I'm really not crazy about their cover price considering that you can get some of the movie and television news cheaper in publications such as Variety and Hollywood Reporter or download it on the net for free. But I love the people who work on it and I have the utmost highest respect for them, especially Maggie Thompson and John J Miller who I used to call on a regular basis to spring my ideas on. I recall John being the first editor ever to call my house and ask me if it was okay to rewrite a 'tweaked out journal of me literally running amok in London visiting Comic Book Shops and asking owners stupid questions about the state of the comic book industry in England and nearly getting booted out on my 'arse' out of all of them. I did the rewrite for him, but I don't think he ever published it. Maggie has also swung the axe of brevity in my direction, and her pep talks have had some effect in molding the way I approach writing letters or essays. I also tried to partcipate in a round table review discussions for them, but that turned out to be way out of my area of expertise.

I wish I could apply the same skills to the way I script my comic books.

There was another publication I submitted stuff to called Comic Effect, a small but yet noticable and highly reviewed fanzine published out of Pasadena, Ca. I wrote a few essays about certain individual comic books and what I remember about when I first read them, or how old I was and what was going on during those periods of my life. I did small capsule reviews of the late seventies Silver Surfer graphic novel by Stan Lee and Jack Kirby (which I believe was the very first original graphic novel that Marvel ever released) and Jules Feiffer's the Great Comic Book Heroes, which I received for my 8th birthday. I did two long epic pieces, one of a early seventies Aquaman special, which was the very first comic book I ever read when I was six years old and a Spider-man /Green Goblin two parter in the mid-seventies. Both those comics were tied to major events that went on in my life. But there was a unpublished third entry of a handful of Walter Simonson Thor issues that I was fond of when it conflicted with plans of a girl I wanted to marry. Publisher Jim Kingman has told me that he wanted to publish it, but it would take up nearly a third of an issue and is waiting for the right time to do it. But I wouldn't hold my breath- it's been nearly four of five years since I submitted it.

So what I also would like to do here is present pieces of my unfinished past- stuff that has been lying dormant in drawers or editors' drawers doing nothing but knocking down some cold ones with some couch potatoed cobwebs. I've got a whole Yahoo file of stuff that probably hasn't seen the light of day including a observation of Art Speigelman's smoky visit to Los Angeles, a Harlan Ellison book signing, a commentary on Rapeman, and my nightmare date with a woman who threw up all over on some of my Batman comics after belting away a few Black Russians.

My opening segment this Wednesday night is a recent piece I wanted to post on some message boards about eating and drinking fads on both the east and west coasts, but a few people who run these boards are too cantankerous about these autobiographical flings of mine. It's not really comic book related and it's written in a real lazy effortless style that I seem to grow accustomed to when I'm posting- it's not really writing to me, but a mode of thinking out loud- But when I think I've perfected this one, you know, shape it around like wet clay and pick out the charred odds and ends, it will probably get some nods of approval and could invoke some colorful insight. So this week, I'll demonstrate the half assed version and probably tomorrow evening, I'll fine tune it or tweak it up some.

So every Wenednesday check in for some more half assed morsels for your amusement

I hope no one's teeth will start hurting after I start this thread but I want to explore the culinary habits of both coasts since I have lived my life split down the middle in both New York and Los Angeles.

There were times when I couldn't pick a spot to settle down- but now with my affirmation in employment currently vested at a entertainment company- I don't intend on making plans of flocking my trendy little nest any time soon.

LA, I'm here to stay- unless those Al Quesdillas or whatever they're calling themselves these days succeed in blowing the town to pieces, then I would have a big problem.

I want to examine the current rages in popular food delicacies. Would you think that it is strictly a west coast thing or a east coast thing? Mid-Westerners can chime in too.

Let me start with smoothies. Definitely a west coast thing. One of the deciding factors that contributed to my hauling ass out to the west coast was setting up shop close to a smoothie bar.

Because New Yorkers don't know how to make the damn things.

Out here in LA, we have two major franchises that specialize in providing the enjoyment of a fresh fruit smoothie- one is Jamba Juice

http://www.jambajuice.com/

and the other is Dr.Robeks-

http://www.robeks.com/Library/Document01.asp?PT=D&PID=192

although I think they're both one and the same because they use a lot of plain frozen non fat yogurt to give their smoothie products both buoyancy and consistency and they use the same type of ingredients and the same styrofoam cups. Both companies train their employees to make their delicious products as if it came off on a assembly line - they pour the juice into the blender, add the frozen fruit, a couple of scoops of the frozen yogurt and some ice and they take it over and whip it in a variety of different ways, but I always enjoy it when the 'associate' has to beat and pound the crap out of the blender in order to make it look like what just as you see it in the pictures. Sometimes the lid goes flying off and the smoothie goes flying all over the place. I usually find that hysterical because that means they've got to start all over again to make my smoothie. I'm easily amused by the petty misfortunes of others. I don't why, guess I learned that from identifying with Jackie the Jokeman too much.

Besides the smoothies, you can get nuitrition bars, snacks, sandwiches, pretzels, and soups. Get a few shots of wheatgrass- but keep away from washing it down with a citrus drink, otherwise you'll cancel out the antioxidants that the wheatgrass is supposed to provide for your body.

You can also make smoothies out of peanut butter which reminds me of a little prank I know, but I don't have time to get into that right here...but what really prompted me to bring up the subject of smoothies was this new item Dr. Robeks has introduced to their menu:

Pomegranate Juice and smoothies. Read about it here.

http://216.239.53.100/search?q=cache:NC6dXpLH8E8C:www.pomwonderful.com/flashsite/PDFs/NewsandPress/PressReleases/PR_2002_August.pdf+pomegranate+juice&hl=en&ie=UTF-8

They have billboards over all LA advertising pomwonderful products, many telling us that we'll all live longer than those Siberians tanked out on Dannon Yogurt. I guess it's worth a try.

Now I always thought that the Pomegranate was a villain that the Creeper once fought. However, it's based on a russian fruit that you crack open and eat the little pebbles or seeds inside that contain the fruit. They taste tart like a cranberry. Heck, if you put them side by side, you probably wouldn't be able to tell the difference, if was a cranberry or a pomegranate.

But that doesn't explain where Ditko got the idea to use the Pomegranate as a Creeper villain. Maybe Ditko was a little heavy in antioxidants himself.

So have any New Yorkers had any positive 'pomegranate ' experiences since this Pom Wonderful was introduced to the market? Are New Yorkers aware that there is such a product?

East Coast or West Coast thing?