PP GURU:

REAL LIFE STRANGE STIRRINGS BELOW THE PP GURU's BELT - THE SPECIAL GETTING SOUSED AT TANTALIZING TARA's PARTY EDITION!!

Meanwhile at Stately PP Guru Manor:

But wait- what is this? The PP Guru is not at his post monitoring the world activities at Central PP Guru Command Center:

Nor does it seem that he is not under the desk that leads to the secret entrance of the PP Guru's Pit of Prophylactic Pleasures!

Nor is the hare up his ass. Oh Silly Bunny- where can the PP Guru possibly be?

Not here cavorting with known felons who have been turned into bronze statues...

Clink!

But- What's this (is the PP Guru experiencing deja vu again) ? Can it possibly be-? Oh yes indeedy, there are definitely some strange stirrings going on under the PP Guru's belt when he's been deployed to cover....

his favorite all time gal pal at her most amazing 29th birthday party hosted by the one and only Tantalizing Tara of Titanium Turbo-charged Tapioca Torpedos.

Here she is in all her alluring vampy glory:

We pause for this station break.

Touchstone Pictures presents Academy Award Winner Jennifer Connolly (is that really Tantalizing Tara's immaculate twin sister? - Oh shit - sorry, the PP Guru didn't mean to interrupt the station break) in a haunting, chilling, film about a young mother who goes to extreme lengths to solve a mystery and protect her daughter in 'Dark Water - brought to you by the creators of the Japanese version of the "The Ring" and is directed by Walter Salles. This psychological thriller also features a stellar cast, including Academy Award®-nominees John C. Reilly, Tim Roth, and Pete Postlethwaite, as well as Dougray Scott, Fat Ass Camryn Manheim and newcomer Ariel Gade. If you are feeling no compassion whatsoever for Tsunami relief victims, then you are sure to love this film. Be sure to check out the film's website here for more details and theaters and showtimes.

The PP GURU stepped out in charcoal style and joined Tantalizing Tara with family and friends at party thrown for her by the proprietors of Silver Lake Wine in...well, where else could it be but in the Silver Lake area of Los Angeles?

The PP Guru at first got the directions all screwed up and ended up crashing his scooter powered by Three-Prong Nagual reps of Castaneda horse power right into the mossy foam depths of Golden Pond. The crawling maggoted remains of Henry Fonda's putrefied corpse gave him the first clue that he made a wrong turn somewhere.

Fucking Mapquest.

Well eventually, the PP Guru made the shindig before....ANYONE else did. All Tantalizing Tara had to say was right next door to here.

I'm sure one of Tantalizing Tara's best friends, ATE ( pronounced aht-ay) didn't see that coming.

OUATE12? Neither did Van Halen.

Nor probably did her other friend, Quinn - who is busy here invoking the dystopian spirit of Anthony Burgess - without going into a painful rendition of 'Singing in the Rain'.

And everyone knows that Wendy isn't really blitzed - it just looks that way. The camera adds about ten pounds of sobriety, you know....

Meanwhile, outside activities were kept to a mininium once Tantalizing Tara's mother started to demonstrate her prestige Taek Won Do prowess and high flying kicks that she picked up during her time in Saigon when she behind the barracks of a POW camp - with a half a wine glass in her hand!! Not even a drop was sacrificed. This was witnessed under blurry eye conditions by the PP Guru himself. Tantalizing Tara Mom's kick nearly knocked his freshly lit cigarette down his esophagus with his whole entire throat with it.

And in the next shot, we're beginning to see sheer total pandemonium about to be set in motion. What had happened is that everyone was given three different glasses of wine. The kind folks of Silver Lake Wine started everyone off with a smooth white wine- now before the PP Guru goes any further, let him warn you - he isn't going to go into specifics of what names of the wines they are - cause, you know, there's only so much crotchrot jargon the PP Guru can hold in his feeble little head- but if Tantalizing Tara is reading this- perhaps she can volunteer to tell everyone in the comment section of what types of wine were being talked about.

The knowledgable Silver Lake Wine staff who poured the wine went into a whole big spiel concerning the origins of the wine- where it was made and bottled and how many cases were made. The second one was a red wine fermented up in the state of Oregon- and that it costs abbout 25 bucks for a bottle because they were only 747 cases made in that year and the PP Guru was dismayed to discover that he had gotten the end of the bottle and in his glass was a special suprise waiting for him - the waxy junk they use to seal the bottle up. The PP Guru got a little scared for a second there as he thought that he was going to suffer from Paris Hilton revenge. They can keep that bottle of wine- the PP Guru doesn't need to chew on wax for $ 25.00- the PP Guru was more impressed with the red wine which was served last that happened to be bottled in Sonoma County and retailed for less than $10. Nonetheless, sometimes the stories behind these wine take a little while to recite - as you can see.

We pause for another station break:

When an experimental space voyage goes incredibly ape-shit, four people are changed dramatically by cosmic rays. Reed Richards, (Ioan Gruffudd) inventor and leader of the group gains the ability to stretch his body, and thinks it's cool to call his speedo Mr. Fantastic. His girlfriend, Sue Storm (played by Jessica Alba's hot incredible ass) gains the ability to turn invisible, creates force fields and has the uncanny ability to hide panty shields, calls herself the Invisible Woman. Her younger brother Johnny Storm (Chris Evans) gains the ability to control fire, including covering his own body with flame and profoundly displays his heat seeking moisture missle throughout the coarse of the movie while becoming the Human Torch. Pilot Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis) is turned into a super-strong rock creature calling himself Thing and uses his super rock hard erection powers on blind sculptress Alicia Masters (Hot sista' Kerry Washington) . Together, they use their unique powers to explore the strange aspects of the world, and to foil the evil plans of Doctor Doom (Julian McMahon). The new film released by Twentieth Century Fox is playing in theaters everywhere. To find out theaters and showtime info - here

But certainly the highlight of this party was ...

mmm ... cupcakes.

Oops - the PP Guru meant these kind of cupcakes. The ones with the white icing and decorated with the roving alien eyes (was this some sort of subjugated publicity for War of the Worlds? The PP Guru doesn't really know) had contained a sweet red velvet cake- which really made for a really swell bowel movement experience for the PP Guru the very next day.

uhm ...

mmmmm.....cupcakes.

And finally, the PP Guru was flustered with utter contempt and seething animosity for when Deposit Man writer Cary Coatney came and crashed the party. Oh give the PP Guru a freakin' break already!! Tantalizing Tara should have called in the bouncers and had them haul his inebriated carcass from the premises. The PP Guru swears he's such a rubbery faced lush whose time has long come and gone. Deposit Man?- phahhhhh- who really reads that liberal crap anyway? The lout follows the PP Guru everywhere he goes. And the PP Guru is sick and tired and dragging around a appendage all the time

Here, Cary Coatney take that!! Get your dirty little diddling digits off his favorite gal pal!!

<>Now the PP Guru can finally go home in peace. Thanks to Tantalizing Tara for a such wonderful drink up. As bumbled and stumbled through the twenty-seventh story window of the Ghost Bar to ~ Coat