GO-GO GURU: A 16 TON ANGEL FALLS ON TOP OF ALBUQUERQUE!!

The PP Guru is out on tour again. That's right folks - everyone's favorite INTERNATIONAL BLOG POP STAR is making the rounds all over the state of New Mexico. The PP Guru embarked on this ambitious Amtrak trek leaving at approximately 7 PM last Wednesday evening on the Southwest Chief leaving from LA Union Station (which incidentally has the best damn bagel shop in all of LA), and during the 16 and a half hour trek (and boy did the PP Guru need a bath upon arrival at his final destination), the PP Guru made limited stops at: Fullerton, San Bernardino, Barstow, Ca, Flagstaff, Ar, Gallup, New Mexico (home of the fallen down drunken Indian), and until finally, Albuquerque.

The PP Guru's aunt of whom he hasn't seen in seventeen years picked him up from the Santa Fe Depot in downtown Albuquerque. We went on a little mini-tour (mini being the operative word) of the city- checked out the college area- visited a few of the PP Guru's aunt's friends, and waited around until she got a pedicure. The PP Guru found himself a nice music store to hang out in called Grandma's Music and sound and got to test drive a new Korg Trition Workstation. Afterwards, the PP Guru took a another two hour jaunt to where he would set up his temporary guest house HQ in the sleepy desolute town of....Grants, New Mexico.

The PP Guru's aunt has working for the past two months as a Associate District Attorney for the township of Chibola, New Mexico. The PP Guru's aunt main function on the job is to look up the law to see if those who are being prosecuted by the law on whether or not it's being done right. She also argues in courts during arraignments of whether the bail amounts set are just or unfair. The PP Guru took a tour of the courtroom and was mystified to discover that the judge has all this crazy computer equipment sitting on her desk. So what does the judge do, sentence you to twenty years of logging on to AOL?

It seems that everyone in this town knows everyone. On the first night of the PP Guru's arrival - the PP Guru went to a local supermarket and already he had been introduced to a couple of local town judges and sheriffs that the PP Guru's aunt knows from work.

Coming to the full realization that the PP Guru was not in for a action packed weekend- (no Craiglist's Erotic services or Cityvibe out in these wood- although he did spot a Spearmint Rhino in Albuquerque. Wait a minute, what woods?) he kept himself busy with his portable DVD player, a few Vertigo comics - (catching up on Joshua Dyshart's work on Swamp Thing - which is much suited to him as another kid who was raised in the Bayou - who else is more qualified to be in Alan Moore's footsteps), a couple of CDs and of course, his brand new appendage, the Alesis QS6.2 keyboard is out here as well. The PP Guru misses his *ahem* film star neighbor very much. She was the one who was more than happy to drop the PP Guru off at the train station and then sped off before he could wave goodbye to her blazing trail of car exhaust. The PP Guru has been wondering or not if she liked the Christmas present he left with her (black pearl diamond earrings - her birthstone) that he got from Zales Jewelers. He supposes he'll find out when he gets back. Also, the PP Guru has been getting more mail from his Russian gal pal, Irina.




Doesn't she have the most loveliest set of Russian teacakes that you ever seen?

So where the PP Guru is now is in the towns of Farmington and Aztec - spending the Christmas holiday with his cousin who is twelve years his junior. Now believe it or not, when the PP Guru was first trying to make his fluttering eye 80's looking boy toy journey to Los Angeles in this vain attempt to becoming a international blog pop star- the PP Guru had once spent a good amount of time during mid 1986 trying to adjust to barren wasteland life in the town of Aztec, New Mexico. He lived for a brief time in a trailer with his cousin and his aunt on some ancient indian burial ground which was probably cursed by some superstitious Ananzi tribe - and from there he began eloping into his Carlos Castenada phase. Strange things began to happen in the PP Guru's life which involved of all things - death and reincarnation. But the PP Guru isn't going to go all metaphysical medieval on you — just yet. We'll save that for some other time.

On the trip up to Farmington, which included a excruicating amount of the PP Guru's aunt's cats in the backseat constantly meowing for probably of all things, some bladder relief- because it was nearly a three hour drive from Grants (which is nothing to the average New Mexico motorist) and there was nothing through most of the way but barren deserts, mountain buttes (one as the PP Guru's aunt described as the one looking like a sleeping UTE warrior) , red sunsets, and everything devoid of life everywhere.

Once, we arrived at the PP Guru's cousin house, he was quickly welcomed a respite of normal civilization when he showered the PP Guru with shots of Captain Morgan, Tequila Rose, and some Jagermeilter while headbanging to Machine Head. So that was fun. But it wasn't prog.

In Part Two of The PP Guru's impulsive road trip journal: The PP Guru turns his cousin on to Porcupine Tree. The deadly secret of Mount Taylor - the tallest mountain in the state of New Mexico. The PP Guru is part Russian? Like his true pen pal love, Irina? Details to follow. And all the PP Guru got for Christmas was a Port Wine cheeseball from Hickory Farms. Also, the PP Guru is in financial turmoil right now. He has maxed a total of four credit cards since his self imposed exile from the entertainment biz. Living with you is hell according to the Go-Go Guru ~ Coat

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Cynical Sparky adds Marriage-minded Montana Martin mentions:

“... I would just like to add I have been contacted by aprox. 8-10 ladies from Russia in the past 2 years I live in Montana and at one time a lady had contacted me and also a friend of mine in the same town so we compared e-mails and the only thing that was changed was our names.

... She wrote to me on Date.com. She wanted to come and visit me but needed money for airfare. After transferring the money for the tickets, she said her ticket was robbed from her and I never heard from her again, and the profiles on the date.com website vanished.

“... Places ads on the popular personals sites. Falls in love with you within a few emails. Then her mother is "hit by a car", and asks for money for the operation. May be a variant: asks for money for ticket and visa to visit you. ... ”

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I just wish a certain knuckleheaded chum would listen to his friends - Sparky