MORE GURU-A GOGO: MORE PULSATING PARABLES FROM PP GURU'S PEYOTE PLACE !!
Sticks and stones may break the PP Guru's calcium hollow bones, but can internet slander even eviscerate him even more? The PP Guru was pondering this delicate little dilemma over the weekend when Sparky and he were out having a very expensive lunch (now the PP Guru can die in peace knowing what a $12 Caesar Salad @ Houston's tastes like - but we all know, that couldn't be true - because PP Gurus thrive on immortality!! ) near the Santa Monica Promenade on Free Comic Book Day ( the PP Guru just doesn't have the spare time to list all the wonderful free swag he scored at Hi-De-Ho that delectable morning - let's just say a lot, like close to 40 books and move on from there).
Lately, the PP Guru has been out of the loops in terms of strange shenanigans and salacious scandals that rock the every day comic book industry and was just learning the sordid details of the Mid-Ohio Gate (as Heidi MacDonald deems it on her blog) of an hot tub incident that took place SIX MONTHS AGO which involved a high esteemed colleague or an acqauintance who's in charge of running a very important organization dedicated to promoting legal aid to those who may be under scruntious attack by the conservative fuddy duddies outside the industry who don't get the big picture of the First Admendment. Now the PP Guru knew this accused individual when he once lived in the Los Angeles area while he was working at a comic book store when he was a slightly overweight pudgy kid who had to get by with a cane. Many years later, as he grew into manhood, he dropped the weight and all of a sudden, women would be flocking to him more than pigeons converging on a man pasted with sunflower oil in the middle of Trafalger Square. This whole story surprised even the PP Guru: having knowing the young gentleman's gentle demeanor which has been nothing more but professional and courteous over the years - that the mere thought of him overstepping his boundaries with another industry professional in lieu of a sexual assault in a hotel hot tub assails even the most mind boggling of senses.
In a funny way, I'm sort of glad this happened, because it sort of parallels the PP Guru's professional snubbery in the sense that some fellow colleagues in the industry have it embedded in their heads that the PP Guru, whom a once a strong contributor of thought provoking articles, was on several occasions accused of not acting professional enough when it comes to matters of the opposite sex. A certain journalist who once worked for the LA Times and who now does guest relations for a certain big summer comic book convention friend of the PP Guru's flatly e-mailed him a few years back of a whole litany of accusations that the PP Guru was a sexist pig when he jokingly referred to her as a 'hot vixen' and would she be willing to take a trip with the PP Guru to Vegas ' and had strongly suggested to the PP Guru never to e-mail her again. And this is coming from a woman who drunkenly embarrassed the PP Guru at San Diego a couple of years back in front of a certain big-wig from DC Comics when she pawed at him and told him that she was going to kick his ass for mispronouncing his alias of Cary Coatney as Cory Coatney. The PP Guru wonder what she thinks of this sorry little debacle today? And how does it compare to the slight mischief and misdemenors that the PP Guru has been censured for.
Rumors and conjecture are more painful when the myth is even applied. For years, on internet messageboards, and talk around the convention circuit, it's been suggested that the PP Guru is very unprofessional - the accusations would fly from anything to flashing his lumpy tentacles from beneath his sheer silk tunics to pestering of female convention attendees at various booths for their phone numbers or e-mail addresses, especially the Friends of Lulu stations. The PP Guru thinks that was a preposterous notion suggested by bereave of female fem-Nazis who were sometimes manning the booths. But yet, the ugly story snowballed from there - where everything that was a red lighted blip at convention parties and gatherings as far as where prostitution and porn stars were concerned, they were usually synonymous with the PP Guru- a fickle of a rumor went around that the PP Guru was trying to get revenge on the Friends of Lulu for their ridiculous insinuation by bringing a expensive call girl as his date to a desert party that they threw down at San Diego.
However, one of the PP Guru's sage advice to this young individual who let a little inebriated prank get out of hand to where charges of sexual assault were wavered , would have been to hire a call girl or a prostitute and got drunk with her and try to pull her top off and whip his hand up her skirt - because he would have been paying her to enjoy it - After all, there's nothing more fun than going through the paces of a erotic- athon of fondling a girl up her dress in the privacy of YOUR OWN HOTEL ROOM AND DIDDLE HER GINE-GINE IN FRONT OF A MIRROR! Not in full view of witnesses.
And That's all the peyote powered advice the PP Guru can muster up for the moment.
Another unsubstantiated rumor that is in flogging the search engine when one happens upon entering the words Cary Coatney on Google.com is this link : Tribes.net:
Do I have to sue Tribe.net to stop your harrassing and stalking of me? To say I sent multiple PMs is libel and I will sue your ass as well. You seem to be Cary Coatney, who stole our venture, lost my property and owes me money. I never needed anyone to call me, you promised to send your writing and Tribe.net has ruined my life, and I will start by going after you, bitch!
What is this is being referred to is Cary Coatney's old arch-nemesis, Scumbag Scott Goodell is up to no fucking good again. Taking young writers and reaming them up the rectum with false promises of fame and fortune as Scott is giving advice to this young deer of a break out professional who's face seems to be caught in the hi-beams of Scott's mystical rectal desposition.
A long time ago, Cary Coatney was content in life with just writing lame blast kiss ass articles for the Comic Buyer's Guide and strutting his small press campaign for the underdog mojo for Comic Con International until Scott Goodell came into his life. Scott was the first one to pester Cary Coatney for a script to one of his cheap ass comic book projects that reminded one of looking like something barfed off a piece of shite nickel copy machine that one finds in the back of Rexall's Drug Store.
The first Deposit Man was a unmitigated disaster that had to be completed by fourteen forever nameless incompetent artists and inkers (with the exception of Mike Lilly who penciled the last two pages, and went on to become penciler of DC's Nightwing series.) and all the word captions and balloons were all horribly hand pasted by Scott using rubber cement. The PP Guru has ruminuated about this situation before- so to make it brief, Scott did one good thing and that was to ally Cary Coatney with Larry Nadolsky - (although Jay Allen Sanford threw his name out before as the artist to tame the wild beast that became known as the Deposit Man.
But beyond that, Scott had turned out to be one motherfuck of a scumbag with his incessent 9-10 phone calls a day- The PP Guru's goddamn e-mail inbox's storage space was nearly crushed by the gigabyte excess of 50-60 e-mails a day during working hours endlessly boasting to the PP Guru of all the wishful inking (rather than thinking) he would love to do for DC Comics, or talk shit about stalking Ann Nocenti, or Colleen Doran, or any other woman artist/inker he would love to harass or fuck.
It got to the point where it just became obnoxious to be even associated with the guy. So the PP Guru had Cary Coatney jump ship, bribed Scott into sending the new Deposit Man book (that became known as the one shot Deposit Man Kaleidoscopic Medicine Freak Show) that Larry completed - that laid nearly dormant at his place in Brooklyn for nearly a year before the PP Guru got to lay eyes on it and went on, with an investor, to put the book out himself.
Scumbag Scott Goodell threatened to sue, not only for a cut into the shares of the book, but claiming that since he published the first ever Deposit Man book, that he was claimed to ownership of the character on all future books because he assembled all the talent to work on the first one - even to go as far to want be credited as a co-creator!!. Since then, Scumbag Scott Goodell has gone on record to say that Cary Coatney is nothing a woman hating masochist just because Cary Coatney won't talk "shop" about all the woman he would like to bang in the industry . What Scott can't get into that doped up baggy eyed noggin of his (as if he's a great looking casanova) - is that Cary Coatney has his ethics about dating woman in a industry where you don't shit where you eat!
There was a incident several years back, where Scumbag Scott insisted that I display his books at the Landescape Productions booths that the PP Guru had set up at various West Coast conventions. The PP Guru said all right, he's game, since he wanted to make it look like that the company was really banging out product. But truth be told, people were still slurping up Deposit Man product as opposed to his Twilght Girl or Edge of Evil, or whatever else generic shit he was mass-producing on the East Coast. His books weren't selling and he wanted the PP Guru to pay for any unsold product and just get rid of it on his own. The PP Guru didn't agree to these terms and simply sent all the books back C.O.D. to the wherehouse from where Scott shipped them from - but included inside the box were was a check for all the sold books - not enough to carry the price of the C.O.D, - but since the majority of the product didn't belong to Scott in the first place, rather the Warehouse he was working from. Scott's boss or supervisor simply refused to pay for it- and the box went back and forth to each coast until it somehow got lost. And who has to take the blame for the loss? - Why the PP Guru, of course.
So Scott is reduced to nothing more than a whimper on his stupid My Tribe webpage talking shit behind the PP Guru's back.
Now it kinda makes the PP Guru wonder. Maybe there's something to why the PP Guru's off and on again, off and on again gal pal, *Ahem* Film Star Neighbor has made such outrageous demands to stop talking about her.
Look, everyone knows it's not easy living next door to a quasi-bombshell celebrity and the PP Guru still can't believe his good fortune that he got to tag team with her on several occasions- mentalist warts and all- that the PP Guru can't help but brag to his general dwindling reading audience the pros and cons of carrying on this rollercoaster of a relationship - so the *Ahem* Film Star Neighbor and the PP Guru have sort of reached an impasse. He will strive to keep things confidential to keep all talk spreading about her on a miminal level. *Ahem* film star neighbor is very vocal and very vehement of whomever speaks about her- even though she is not in earshot of a conversation ( and when it's not even not a conversation about her at all- ) paranoid will set in and the PP Guru is usually alerted via e-mail of any impending danger in the form of a kick in the nuts if he is ever caught or suspected of conspiring against her. Note: the PP Guru said 'suspect' - even though he tries hard to avoid the subject of anyone starting a conversation about her - circumstantial evidence is not even a issue here. Case in point: The PP Guru heard through another source about *Ahem* Film Star Neighbor getting into another altercation with Mr. Ruthless Toothless - our resident wannabe landlord at 3:30 in the morning over using the washing machine at that ungodly. It is not the PP Guru's position not to question why she is using the washing machine at that ungodly hour. The PP Guru thinks that his *ahem* film star neighbor should be able to do whatever the fuck she wants - on the simple fact that she is a superstar. Superstars are supposed to get preferential treatment and why...
the fuck is the PP Guru rambling on about this?
I hope *Ahem* Film Star Neighbor is not reading this...
otherwise it's the tunic crotch twisty tie kick to the testicles. But in all seriousness, the PP Guru is sick and tired of hearing talk from fellow Peyote Place residents about hiring detectives to watch over her place or endless babble about stolen grills. It's old news and it's time to move on. Peace and stability before the place starts to look like a shopping mall in Bagadad.
As conveyed in morse code behind enemy lines to: