The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Friday, June 23, 2006


Today, we unbuckle our straps and unsheath our tunics for
Kate Beckinsale. When Len Wiseman isn't looking, of course.

We here at the Purple Pinup Guru Platform were originally going to profile Kate back when her sequel for Underworld, Underworld: Evolution opened up in January - but as we all know, the PP Guru was unemployably challenged back then - but now we're going to make up for lost ass , even though she's going to be the featured female lead in what looks to be the most lamest summer movie opening up this week called Click starring Adam Sandler.

Well, o.k. - so it did have a halfway decent opening. A forty million dollar opening, the PP Guru is relucent to admit . But still, it's a goddamn lame ass premise for a movie that would better be served in the media if it was produced for cable-tv.

Kate, however doesn't have a lame looking ass.

Kate has a spectacular looking ass. In fact, when everytime, the PP Guru sits down to watch Kate in either Underworld movie, the PP Guru has got to does Kate Beckingsale ever get to have the most perfect looking ass in all of Hollywood?

How does she do it? And how does Len Wiseman get lucky enough to approach it?

The PP Guru's inquiring mind wants to know.

Is it because ... she's British? When Kate wields that mighty accent of hers from London, stains instantly appears on the inside flap of the PP Guru's robes and not even running clorax bleach on them isn't enough to make them disappear.

No - the PP Guru doesn't think so.

Is it because she invokes nostalgia into men's over zealous viagra addled minds of a classic starlet walking out of a fog of a long forgotten era when Garbo and Gardner reigned supreme as easily demonstrated when she co-starred in the Aviator opposite Leonardo DiCrappio's interpretation of Howard Hughes?

Might work for those over sixty.

The real reason why Kate Beckinsale has the best looking ass in the because she saved Pearl Harbor from total extinction ... and even made Ben Affleck look like an ass in the process. You can't spank that out of submission.

Since then she's taken on more serious roles in mature fare such as Laurel Canyon and Serendipity while even serving as the cardboard paper doll sweetheart to the geek and nerd sector that idolized the monster mash of 2004's Van Helsing.

However, starring in a film with Adam Sandler about a stupid remote control that can go back and forth through just what it is. Taking a step backward.

Kate needs better scripts to read. And to find a new agent that can get her some decent roles with integrity.

Like more goddamn sequels to Underworld. The PP Guru can just picture in his mind, unsheathing his peyote fangs and plunging them deep into Kate's delicious and nutrious vitamin fortifyed bottom.

And just sucking the good flavor out if it. That is, ... when Len Wiseman isn't looking . As related to in a fever induced coma to: ~ Coat

(goddamn - it just keeps getting worse and worse)

Keep it zipped ... Here's the topless pic your Guru thought would make the blog NSFW ... And learn to use elipses. And Len is out of the picture ya big ninny!

Kate Beckinsale

Kate Beckinsale (born July 26, 1973 in London, United Kingdom) is an English actress.

Beckinsale in Underworld: Evolution


Early life

Beckinsale was born in London to Judy Loe, a stage and television actress, and the late Richard Beckinsale, a well-known television actor who died in 1979 at the age of 31.

Beckinsale won first prizes in several young writing competitions. After completing school in London, she followed in the footsteps of her parents and began her acting career. Her first role was in One Against the Wind, a television film about World War II that was first aired in 1991. Beckinsale studied French and Russian literature at New College, Oxford University, though she did not finish her degree. She thought that having an academic background studying foreign language and literature would broaden her range of acting roles.

Film career

During her first year at Oxford, Beckinsale was offered a part in Kenneth Branagh's big-screen film, Much Ado About Nothing, adapted from the Shakespeare play. She spent her last year of studies in Paris, after which she decided to quit the university and concentrate on her acting career. She subsequently appeared in a few notable but low-profile films, including Cold Comfort Farm (in 1995), Shooting Fish and The Last Days of Disco (both in 1998). During this time, Beckinsale also appeared in television films and in stage roles.

Her first major American film, Brokedown Palace (1999), was not a commercial success. Soon after, Beckinsale was cast in the 2001 film Pearl Harbor, which was one of the highest grossing films of its year. In the years following, she appeared in a series of American films that were high-profile, but were given a somewhat poor critical reception, including Serendipity (2001), Underworld (2003) and Van Helsing (2004). Notably, she appeared as Ava Gardner in The Aviator, a role for which she gained 20 pounds.

In 2006, Beckinsale was placed at #78 in FHM magazine's "100 Sexiest Women in the World", after being #71 in 2005. She has also been placed at #16 in Maxim magazine's "HOT 100" (2003), #63 in Stuff Magazine's "100 Sexiest Women in the World" (2002) [1], and was chosen by Hello magazine as "England’s #1 Beauty", also in 2002.

In January 2006, Beckinsale reprised her role as a vampire who shares a forbidden love for a lycan in the movie Underworld: Evolution, a sequel to her 2003 film, Underworld, again directed by her husband, Len Wiseman. The film opened at the #1 spot at the box office, grossing over $26 million in its first weekend of release [2].

On January 24, 2006, Beckinsale was featured on the MTV series, Punk'd. The set-up for the segment took place at the Avalon Hotel in Los Angeles. This will be her third appearance and first outside from the Underworld series with her ex-boyfriend Michael Sheen.

Personal life

Beckinsale dated Welsh actor Michael Sheen for a long period of time, and the two have a daughter, Lily Mo Sheen (born 31 January 1999). Sheen co-starred with Beckinsale in Underworld, and had a flashback appearance in its sequel. In June 2003, a few months after she had separated from Sheen, Beckinsale became engaged to the director of Underworld, Len Wiseman, and the two were wed on 9 May 2004 in Bel-Air, California. Kate is currently in the midst of a divorce with Wiseman.

Beckinsale has a paternal half-sister, Samantha who is also an actress.


Her father's maternal grandfather was Burmese, and Beckinsale claims that she was "very Asian-looking" as a child [3].

Interestingly, she has stated that she hates wearing knickers [4].

She is a big fan of Jim Norton of the Opie and Anthony radio show and Lucky Louie on HBO. The two became friendly during the filming of an appearance on the Tonight Show with Jay Leno.

Selected filmography

Year Title Role Other notes
2006 Snow Angels Annie Marchand post-production
2006 Click Donna Newman
2006 Underworld: Evolution Selene
2004 The Aviator Ava Gardner
2004 Van Helsing Anna Valerious
2003 Underworld Selene
2003 Tiptoes Carol
2003 Laurel Canyon Alex
2001 Serendipity Sara Thomas
2001 Pearl Harbor Nurse Lt. Evelyn Johnson
2001 The Golden Bowl Maggie Verver
1999 Brokedown Palace Darlene Davis
1998 The Last Days of Disco Charlotte Pingress
1998 Shooting Fish Georgie
1995 Cold Comfort Farm Flora Poste
1994 Uncovered Julia
1993 Much Ado About Nothing Hero


External links

 Wikiquote has a collection of quotations related to: Kate Beckinsale


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