The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

PP Guru:
HEY BUDDY, YOUR BATMAN
IS BEGINNING TO HANG OUT

The PP Guru saw the employee premiere of Batman Begins last night on the lot. Here are some of his thoughts.

They should have done this fucking film twenty years ago. Tim Burton who?

The movie claims to explore the origins of the mysterious dark knight detective from Bruce Wayne's dark rooted phobias of bats since he was a impressionable young age to how he acquired his crime fighting skills and how he developed and financed his reknown gadgets and equipment.

Now the makers of the film have been touting to the press that what is depicted here are the definitive origins never explored elsewhere in the comics or any other media.

The PP Guru digresses that this is not true. Many tales have approached the subject in various forms of flashbacks, most notably on the first WB animated series, when it was revealed that Bruce Wayne was once tutored by a sensei in Japan and that he was well versed in the mystic arts in order to become one of the greatest escape artists of our times when he trained with Zatara, the magician father of Zatanna. To the PP Guru, those tales do have merits in properly exploring the myths of the character.

In the movie, you're going to have to sit through a lot of exposition to get to the actual slam bang Bat action, lots of lots of talking heads, but that's good, because some of the dialogue goes deep into the legend's psyche and the rhythm and beats of the actors flow like a pain free piss that you have to take first thing in the morning- but, you're going to wonder after a while ( maybe a full 45 minutes to a hour into it) when he actually does becomes Batman.

Well, like the PP Guru says, it's going to take a while.

The movie opens with a very young Bruce Wayne jostling with a young Rachel Dawes in a greenhouse on the grounds of Wayne Manor over a arrowhead that they found. This rough housing eventually causes Bruce to have an unfortunate accident they introduces him to a fear of...bats.

So dude, does he like become Batman at this point?

The PP Guru tells his inner voice child to have patience. He'll get to it.

So the above was nothing more than a obligatory flashback scene. We cut to Bruce Wayne ( Christian Bale ) now rotting away in some Tibetian hell house prison l where some inmates on a daily basis try to shank him every which way to Bat Sunday- until he is rescued by a mysterious benefactor, Henri Ducard (Liam Neeson) who probes into why Bruce Wayne is punishing himself by putting himself in this prison under false pretenses and therefore shows him the path to his destiny to the stronghold castle belonging to Ra's Al Ghul ( Ken Wananabe) and his League of Shadows ninja assassins.

And then he becomes Batman, right?

Not yet, inner voice child. The PP Guru will let you know.

During his training to be come a ninja, Bruce learns tricks of invisibility, how to throw ninja stars, flashbombs and to wield a sword in duel with Ducard, while he delves deep into Bruce's head to unravel the reasons why Wayne is sequestering himself to such guilt ridden excruciating limits to his infatuation of seeing total justice meted out to not only his parents' murder, but to the society he himself had abandoned and the dark role he could have played in it if Rachel ( Katie Holmes) hadn't intervened.

So this is where he decides he has to become Batman, I bet .

You know, inner voice child, you're really beginning to annoy the PP Guru. He wishes you would stop.

As time slowly passes, Ducard has come to decide that Bruce is ready to return to modern cilvilization with the apprentice skills he has been taught (Neeson just can't escape the Qui Jon Jinn typecasting here- he's going to be doomed to play the zendrill sergeant for the rest of his life- but there is a twist to his character that you don't quite expect, which takes place in a different part of the movie- but the PP Guru doesn't feel obligated to tell you jack shit beyond that) and so wants to initiate Bruce into Ra's Al Ghul's criminal enterprise. Unfortunately, Ra's asks Bruce to do the one thing that Bruce is sworn not to do and therefore invites conflict in his relationship with Ducard.

And then he dons the rubbery playtex suit and decides to become Batman, like wow, dude....

Are you quite through, inner voice child?

So after the melee that follows at Ra's Al Ghul stronghold, Bruce hitchhikes through the Tibetian mountains and finds Alfred (Michael Caine) has commandeered a private jet for him waiting on a lonely stretch of an Icelandic runway (where the scenes for Tibet were substituted for) and off they go to Gotham City to catch up on old times. According to Alfred's estimations, Bruce has been gone for approximately seven years. How convenient that Alfred had a plane all gassed up and ready to go after all that time had passed, right.

With the way you're going- this summary is going to drag on even longer. How long does it take to make him want to become Batman?

HEY, inner voice child, SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY, OK?!!

So as Bruce reintroduces himself to the world who once believed him dead, he finds a fat cat neo- con stock holding company miser running the show at Wayne Enterprises. He strikes up a working relationship with Lucius Fox (the always scene stealing Morgan Freeman) who demonstrates all sorts of weird and wild wonderful toys that go to make up a arsenal. Check out the magnetic gloves that control a kind of ion-repelling cloth (for those wonderful shapes that a cape can make while gliding in the air ) and that humvee looking thing you see in all the trailers called the Tumbler. And a plot begins to unravel about poisoning the city's water supply with LSD or some crazy jacked up shit.

Well, that means he has no choice other than to become the Batman....

LISTEN, inner voice child, the PP GURU ALREADY WARNED YOU A ZILLION TIMES- FUCKING QUIT IT ALREADY !!

YES - at this point, he becomes the Batman. Oh sweet Carlos Castenada Christ, why does the PP Guru even bother?

The PP Guru is bored with this synopsis - he's done all he can - so, let's get on with some acute observations concerning the film.

The PP Guru felt that most of the dialogue was spot on, even at times, prolific - but he tends to think that this is on Christopher Nolan's part, rather than Goyer's because - well, for the simple fact that Goyer wrote two really horrible chaotic Crow and Blade sequels and knows that his writing got the obligatory Red Bull boost it has sorely been lacking - due to Nolan's pinch of movie making perfection. Nolan has this time for sure, hands down, outdone his alternative cultural celluloid entry of Momento.

Gary Oldman as Lieutenant Gordon - Oscar worthy. Even under the Irish baroque, the PP Guru couldn't help thinking that Oldman was somewhat channeling the generous spirit of the wonderfully dearly departed DC line editor, Archie Goodwin. Perfect embodiment of the Miller / Mazzucchelli Year One version is as if seperated by birth.

Cillian Murphy as The Scarecrow - Awesome choice and a very nice narcotic hallucinogenic pat on the back for a job well done- the PP Guru felt he was the best Bat villain ever portrayed on the screen. Genuine scary kudos to his work. Makes all the whiny kids want to stay at home and never watch Wizard of Oz ever, ever again.

The PP Guru sincerely hope that Christian Bale sticks around for another couple of celluloid rounds with the bat (he is slated to do the next one and really, really insists that bat viagra be on the set at all times). Speaking of the cinematography, it's fast and furious as much as it is captivating. There were genuine effect moments that literally took the PP Guru's breath away - like nudging to your aisle seat neighbor, 'gee whiz did you see that? how did they manage to pull that off. Even the sprawling Chicago influenced cityscape of Gotham city with monorails hogging up the screen invokes pleasant memories of Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow.

Other than moments of bringing Batman:Year One to cinematic life, The PP Guru couldn't help but make comparsions to the late seventies Steve Englehart/ Marshall Rogers run (currently reunited for the Batman: Dark Detective mini-series on sale now), especially in the final scene.

The chase scene with the Batmobile or er, Bat-Tumbler, the PP Guru should say were of 'the edge of your seat' calibre - which was something he had misgivings about when first seeing the trailer- a souped up humvee as the Batmobile? But believe your favorite action- packed sage, when he says it definitely works within the context of the movie. The scene is certainly a cuticle bitter.

If Bob Kane were still alive today- The PP Guru would be sure he wouldn't be complaining as much if he were to see Katie Holmes' bat nipples gloriously displayed on the screen.

The only caveat that the PP Guru harbors - is the treatment of Ra's Al Ghul ( which the PP Guru swears that they keep mispronouncing his name throughout the flick. Compare it to the animated series- but the PP Guru isn't here to tell the crew to go practice their vowels in a mirror - you decide which is better to enunciate) is lackluster as a minor throwaway villain. Where's the fucking Lazurus pit around here? Where's Talia for that matter? Or even Ubu?

But the holy bottom line is - finally, a Batman flick with some integrity.

As spoiler warning sabotaged to:

<>~ Coat

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Sparky adds:
The Batman legend never quite understood why the camp version needed to be killed off via the slow process of Tim Burton. It was what the Boomer kids remembered. And if not that then the odd Superfriends and Filmation abominations that called themselves Batmen and Robins. You know the ones that hung out with Shaggy and Scooby?

WikiPedia: Batman Begins

Batman Begins (originally under the tentative title Batman: Intimidation or The Intimidation Game) is a 2005 American superhero/action film based on the fictional character Batman. Directed by Christopher Nolan and written by David S. Goyer and Christopher Nolan, based on original characters by Bob Kane and Bill Finger. This movie is neither sequel nor prequel for the previous Tim Burton/Joel Schumacher films, but rather a complete restart of the Batman series which follows the original comics more closely and promises a more reality based Batman. It is scheduled for release June 15, 2005.

Plot summary

Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.

As a boy a young Bruce Wayne watched in horror as his billionaire parents were slain in front of his eyes. The trauma of this led him to become obsessed with revenge, but his chance is cruelly taken away from him by fate. After disappearing to the East, where he seeks counsel with the dangerous but honorable ninja cult leader known as Ra's Al Ghul, he returns to his now decaying Gotham City, which has become overrun by organised crime and dangerous individuals manipulating the system whilst the company he inherited is slowly being pulled out from under him. The discovery of a cave under his mansion and a prototype armoured suit leads him to take on a new persona, one which will strike fear into the hearts of men who do wrong – he becomes: The Batman. In this new guise, and with the help of rising cop Jim Gordon, Batman sets out to take down the various nefarious schemes in motion by individuals such as mafia don Falcone, the twisted doctor/drug dealer Jonathan "The Scarecrow" Crane, and a mysterious third party that is quite familiar with Wayne and waiting to strike when the time is right.

Critical reaction

At this time, early reviews have been enthusiastic with Roger Ebert, who panned all the previous live action adaptations of the character, calling it one of the best films of the year. Ebert did, however, give the animated movie Batman: Mask of the Phantasm a two-thumbs up, albeit two years after its original release.