The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Friday, September 23, 2005


(Part One) - Wheeeeeeeee! Finally, it's cheesecake day.

When we last left the PP Guru, he was making a mess in his polyester tunics drooling over the 101 different ways he could pan fry the panties off of Carla Gugino.


Carla is only the first of in a overload of delicious babes making their way onto the small screen as a new crop of this fall season shows seem primarily focused on the sci-fi/horror genre - no doubt inspired by the success that the Sci-Fi channel is having with its trio of shows on Friday nights: Stargate (Claudia Black ) (although not Amanda Tapping - yuck, she's just too dykey for the PP Guru) - Stargate Atlantis ( Torri Higginson ,Rachel Luttrell ), and the revival of Battlestar Galactica (Katee Sackoff, Tricia Helfer & Grace Park- aw, heck, even Mary McDonnell looks fetching for 52. The PP Guru will write more on this show's DVD release next Tuesday ). So it's probably no small wonder that broadcast stations want to try to see how it works out for themselves. Babes on tv sci-fi shows are the best invention since the Reese's peanut butter cup. Since the glut is washing in faster than a National Guard rescue in a small buyou flooded out town, the PP Guru is going to have swear off his brevy of crime tv shows. No more starring at Marg Helenberger's ass on Thursdays until the Night Stalker gets the boot. The PP Guru predicts that none of these new series will have a long shelf life. Give them seven weeks tops, then it will be back to all the Law & Order and CSI buffet you can eat (and that includes Marg Helenberger's ass too).

Lake Bell

So let's take a peek on getting all seven day medieval on the best of which delicious looking bottoms are making their debut this week:


As an appetizer, the PP Guru is going to monitor the events on the eighth season of Charmed. The PP Guru tried to follow the show a few years back when it was paired up with Birds of Prey, but since Birds of Prey turned out to be a utter stillborn broken-winged embryo falling out of its' nest, he didn't want to stay and boggle down with a show that had already four seasons behind it. Even though he finds Rose McGowan,Holly Marie Combs, and Alyssa Milano very pleasant to look at- the premise of the series sounds too close to that dumbass movie of Witches of Eastwick. The PP Guru has read numberous stories and books pertaining to the subjects witches such as Anne Rice's The Witching Hour and he feels that they just lose their luster after a while, but he's willing to give it another try. Sundays @ 8 PM WB

Sarah Wayne Callies

NBC's new Surface (aka Fathom) made it's low budgeted 'Abyss' knockoff debut last Monday (from what the PP Guru understands - it had very impressive ratings even against ABC's Monday Night Football) and the only redeeming thing that has it bobbing in the waves is Lake Bell as a marine biologist studying the hot-vent ecosystem, which, she theorizes, is the origin of life on the planet. Until she runs into a bunch of strange undersea critters that makes Charlie Tuna look like a undocumented illegal alien. The PP Guru can't help but speculate that Lake was choosen for this role simply because of her name. 8 PM NBC.

Technically not a sci-fi or horror show, The PP Guru is enjoying the hell out of Prison Break - a very engrossing suspense serial thriller in the similar vein to '24'. Since 24 will not be starting it's fifth season until January - this show is a very nail biting substitute which fits the bill nicely until that monumental day arrives. The PP Guru makes note of this series because it co-stars Sarah Wayne Callies as Dr. Sara Tancredi of whom the PP Guru recognizes from the Jane role in WB's short-lived Tarzan series a few years back. The PP Guru wouldn't mind turning his head and coughing for her if he ever got a house call visit from her. The PP Guru once spotted her on the WB lot while he was picking up some DVDs - he tried to psychically channel her phone number back then, but the digits just appeared too fuzzy in his mind. 9 PM Fox.

Patricia Arquette

Patricia Arquette is back in her second season of Medium. Didn't NBC do a similar series a few years back called Profiler? What is the difference between this series and that one?... Oh yeah, that's right, the PP Guru remembers: she's a soccer mom who as a clairvoyant can dream into the future and communicate with dead people that makes the Phoenix Police Department look like a bunch of buffoons when they don't end up believing her. Well, the PP Guru likes it when he sees Patricia Arquette and wonders if she can ever predict the day when the PP Guru will come over and pull down her hot little wet panties and allow him to have his way with her. 10 PM NBC


Some of us may fondly remember Emily Deschanel as the receptionist who refused to take a bunch of pizzas from Peter Parker in the opening sequence of last year's Spider-Man 2 when he tried to get them to her company in under 30 minutes or less even with his Spider powers at full blast- now we can see her portrayal every week as the clue sniffing true to life anthropologist and crime novelist writer Temperance Brennan in Bones. The series also marks the return of David(Angel) Boreanaz to weekly television. Boreanaz was just a overrated bore to watch in the latest film of the Crow franchise: Wicked Prayer, so it's good to see him back where he belongs - trying to channel Angel again as her FBI supervisor, Seedy Booth. But this isn't about Boreanaz - it's about how the PP Guru can make his way to Emily by taking the Lincoln Tunnel of Love shortcut to her wide spread legs in twenty minutes or less. 8 PM Fox.

WB at 9 PM has Supernatural- but it stars two guys in it who go across country in a beat up Oldsmobile and fight demons and ghosts and other sissies as they try to gather clues to their father's disappearance. Like the PP Guru says- the show has nothing but guys in it - and we don't post pictures of hard chiseled bodied beefcakes on this site so the PP Guru invites you to check out Heidi MacDonald's blog for that kind of stuff. One of the guys had a hot looking girl friend in last week's debut episode, but she wound up spontaneously combusting into a giant ball of flame- so what good is that?



The second season of Lost. 'Nuff said, other than who wouldn't want to get lost in Evangeline Lilly's hairy hole? Michelle Rodriguez also joins the cast this year along with the other returning favorite unbathed smelly surf and turf babes Maggie Grace and Yoon-jin Kim. 9 PM ABC.

Shaun Cassidy is the executive producer behind the follow up to the ABC Wednesday mystery power hour, Invasion - which is described as a hybrid between Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Twister. It all begins with a hurricane in the Florida Everglades. Also stars Vice President Doctor Doom Dick Cheney as a government clean up contractor who will only pay undocumented workers 5 dollars an hour or under to rebuild all the cities in the devastation's wake. And the streets shall flow endlessly with milk, honey dew, and rice. The PP Guru has checked out some of the sets for this series on the WB lot. He's never seen one of those speed boats that they use to hunt down gators in the Everglades up close before. They look pretty neat, but he's bewildered as to why he can't fingerbang the snatches of both co-stars Lisa Sheridan and Kari Matchett . Both are no strangers to genre television either; Lisa was an alumni from the cult favorite of Freakylinks, whereas Kari has had a stint as an alien on the syndicated Earth: Final Conflict.
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Well from this point on the PP Guru's tarnished tunics of tantra control has gathered some waxy build up and his 13 inch (porportionate to the PP Guru's true size) HD- TV screen has been fogging up much of late, so he will be checking next week for part two of Thursdays', Fridays', and Saturdays' batch of new pelvic protruding new shows.


Hey, suck up that glass teat and quit 'yer yammering to:




  • At 8:46 PM , Blogger TS said...

    Just thought I'd let you know about a site where you can make over $800 a month in extra income. Go to this site   MAKE MONEY NOW  and put in your zip code..... up will pop several places where you can get paid to secret shop, take surveys, etc.  It's free.  I found several and I live in a small town!

  • At 8:11 AM , Blogger Coat said...

    TS -

    Why the fuck would I care about $800 a month in extra income when I can fingerbang these lovely actresses instead?

    This is not the PURPLE PARASITE GURU PLATFORM in case you haven't noticed?




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