The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

While the PP Guru hiberating his worries away in original city of Sin, Las Vegas- he got a variety of e-mails, mostly in his bulk dairy case from female paramours wanting to either get to know him, or to maybe spend his hard won slot machines winning on them. You know the typical 'scope out the rich PP Guru' scheme works- you get involved with your *ahem* film star neighbor and all of a sudden, every girl within a 500 mile radius wants a piece of the PP Guru.
However- one letter stood out in particular. It seems this girl went out of her way - from as far away as two continents to vy for the PP Guru's affections.

This is her little introduction. From what the PP Guru can surmise, it's seems that she doesn't write her letters in English- but has them translated through some doohickey on her computer:

It reads like Yoda. And as everyone knows, as well as the PP Guru knows. Everyone loves Yoda.

My name is Irina as you know. I am 28 years old. My birthday is on the June 22, 1977. My height is 168 cm (5 feet 6 inches). My weight is 52 kg(115 pounds). I live in the village of city type Spartakovka. Spartakovkais located in 18 kilometers from the city of Volgograd, Russia. Volgograd the big and known city. In the childhood I dreamed to become a filmactress as all girls, but it were children's imaginations only. My education consist of three steps. School - College - University. I began to get education in the comprehensive school. After I finished it I entered the medical college. I finished it with excellent results and entered the Medical University. Till now I worked in a small polyclinic. I worked as a assistant to the surgeon. Very interesting work but unfortunately for me it was necessary to leave from this work. There paid a very little. Now I work as the manager in a bureau of registration of a marriage. This small bureau in our village. It is very interesting work. I love the work, is especial when I look at happy persons of a newly-married couple and you speak to them " now you the husband and the wife ". I have a small house with a small garden.

See, doesn't that turn you on? The PP Guru is very turned on by her. So a few days later, the PP Guru recieved another letter from her after waiting to hear what her reaction would be upon seeing some of the PP Guru's photoshoot that the PP Guru had shared with his *ahem* film star neighbor.

Here is another excerpt:

I do not think at all, that you are too old for me. Concerning age I can tell, that the age of the person defines his appearance and a condition of his soul. The main thing in the person - soul. The personwith age becomes wiser. At you the most remarkable age. I have decided to write to you because I think this age the best for a man.

I could not see your website till now because I cannot use the Internet. I can only write my letters and receive yours. But I have saved your the reference of website and when I will receive an opportunity to use the Internet during several minutes, I will necessarily open him. Many thanks for your pictures. Very pleasantly. You such strong and handsome man. You really have a nice face.

You see? Now why can't more chicks be open and honest like the PP Guru brand (monkey) spankin new comrade? She really knows how to warm the Solichnaya
cockels of this little guru. The PP Guru would love to have her out here in the good old USA of California and knock back a few screwdrivers with her.

She thinks the PP Guru is cute. The PP Guru could be in cloud heaven right now - and it's strange really, because every time the PP Guru gets involved in a relationship with someone- others just want a piece of the pie. But the PP Guru doesn't think that trading up his *ahem* film star pretty neighbor gal pal is in the cards right now, because the PP Guru really digs her and would really tear his eyeteeth out for her.

But there's no harm in making contingency plans.

Let the heat seeking moisture missiles fly high to the heart of the sunrise to...




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