May 12, 2005's
STRANGE STIRRINGS BELOW
THE PP GURU'S BELT

Should have been the below:



Sparky thinks all of this fan worship insanity needs a dose of reality. Robert Williams once penned a tale where the so-called hero fantasy movie star was in reality yet another hooker.


IF You See Your PP GURU Wearing The Below Tee — Now You'll Know He's A Closet DD Fan.


PP Guru surmises that the hot chick who making headlines this week ( or would that be headlights?) is none other than the always ever pristine Jennifer Garner (other than the piss poor skewered performance of Bigfoot Paris Hilton in House of Wax- see where the PP Guru toldja that she would have Time Warner stock come crashing down).

Now that rumors are flying left and right about Jen getting pregnant with one of Ben Affleck's abhorent abominations, (the PP Guru has a lukewarm atitude when it comes to the six to seven degrees of Ben seperation- he really dug Affleck's performance in Daredevil ... the director's cut, that is; In case anyone hasn't seen it - it's a more tolerable monster than the chop suey edition that was shown theatrically- but yet the B A boy has done some awful stinkers that may cause Milk Dud or Sour Worm regurgitation in the multiplex aisles. Pearl Harbor anyone?) what is this little dodad of a news item gonna to do for the Disney stockholders?

Garner has a contract to do Alias through 2007. And she can't very well go around kicking ninjas and dirty double agents if she's got Ben's abomination doing the watusi in her soon to be demolished beautiful belly.

It's just sacrilege.

This takes the PP Guru through some serious mytol flashbacks when Gillian Anderson, Agent Dana Scully of the X-Files got herself knocked up by a grip guy on the Vancouver set of that show during it's second season - but time as measured by future television season went whizzing by, everything worked right as rain weaving her absence into the show's storylines. But in Garner's case, you can't be doing high flying judo kicks or tucks and rolls and emerging with a .38 cocked and ready to blow some Al Qaeda terrorist's nuts off on a very full stomach and not have people scratching their scalps in befuddlement.

And why now when the show is doing tremendously in the ratings? The risk pulled off by anchoring the show following another J.J. Abraham created show, Lost . Is this Jen's cunning plan to sabotage the show and put her esteemed co-workering cast out of a job?

So why Jen, Why now?

So the PP Guru has a big bit of advice for Jen:

GET A FUCKING ABORTION AND FULFILL YOUR MORAL OBLIGATION to the show and its' fans.

In 2007, you'll still be fertile enough. ~ Coat

PS Sparky offers this Electra Wallpaper as a peace offering to anyone who thinks Cary really wants Jennifer to abort a child.