The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Friday, June 17, 2005

PP Guru:

Poor Katie Holmes. The PP Guru is very concerned for her well-being. She is being shanghaied and manipulated into being a drone bot poster child for EL Ron's brainwashed army of money grubbing ministers who believe in the existence of alien warlords coming to earth to suck the shit out of your ass through a crazy straw. As many of you may know, Scientologist shill, Tom Cruise has somehow put the Thetan whammy on Holmes probably in the middle of one night while she was innocently strolling along Hollywood Blvd window shopping (there are Frederick's and Victoria Secret outlets every few blocks or so, because it's such a sweaty slutty town) with a bunch of her scantly clothed buddies when Tom, cleverly disguised as some double vested suit solicitor came running out of nowhere (most likely Scientology Handjob HQ) and ambushed her to fill out one of those stupid questionaries so he could fill his Dianetics recruitment quota.

Without our timely intervention, Katie will be Tom's deep throating disciple for the long haul unless we all unite to raise up the proper funds to send out a few deprogrammers to snatch her out of Tom's evil clutches. Sending some people who have been kicked out of El Ron's private little spa house and have regrouped to form their own deprogramming coalition may be the first wise step. Another contribution, which would take little effort at all would be to sign the Free Katie Holmes petition that is set up here. Either way, you would be doing a tremendous service in helping to squelch another useless and costly religious cult.

But then again, all religion is a cult.

But one formed as a prank on a $1 bet set up by a hackneyed pulp fiction writer (little people know, other than the PP Guru, that this bet was solely the basis for the Trading Places movie starring Eddie Murphy and Dan Ackroyd) with some other legendary science fiction writers such as... um, the late Theodore Sturgeon?

Not so funny anymore.

Besides has anyone noticed beside the PP Guru how both the poster for the new War of the Worlds movie and El Ron's pitiful attempt at pulp fiction, the cover to Mission Earth: Book One, the Invader's Plan have some incredible similarities?

FYI: Sparky -being older- says something akin to it this is the actual source image ...

Yeah, Tom - I bet you didn't swipe that one of your ass too. He has "pod people" to do it.

So Katie, please come back to us. You were sensational in Batman Begins. Your bat nipples shone profoundly through towards the end of the movie. You even earned the franchise its' very first PG-13 rating and that makes he PP Guru very proud of you. The male movies audiences are proud- fuck, even the dead genius of Batman, Bob Kane would most certainly be proud of you- they didn't get to plaster them on Alicia Silverstone in Batman & Robin while he was around.

Don't give into anymore of this Tom Cruise foolery bullshit. The PP Guru implores you all: we must come up with an exit stragedy for Katie - so she can be free to make up her own mind - and not to wake up in the morning with gray hairs sticking out her mouth. Don't allow the PP Guru's time spent at the risk of sitting here tearing up his hemorrhoidal tissue for his plea of help not to be heard in vain.

Another surprise bonus enlarged in the PP Guru robes of robust enlightment, was that the PP Guru took in a employee screening of the Talking Tina Blog but now, with Blake Lively, there's a new challenge to meet head on in the PP Guru's recruitement for his own culinary carpet licking cult that he wishes to inaugurate - which would be open to blondes only.

Like Senator Palaptine says to young Anakin Skywalker in the closing scene of the Phantom Menace: ' We'll definitely be keeping a close eye on you'. And as we shall on this freshly minted 18 year old.

As stuck in between the pages of Maxim and left for:

~ Coat

Stuff went AWOL, just as Cary stated he is gunning for another high maintainance blonde ....

Xenu has Katie now ... fear for her —
In Scientology doctrine, Xenu is a galactic ruler who, 75 million years ago, brought billions of people to Earth, stacked them around volcanoes, and blew them up with hydrogen bombs. Their souls then clustered together and stuck to the bodies of the living, and continue to cause people problems today. These events are known to Scientologists as "Incident II," and the traumatic memories associated with them as The Wall of Fire or the R6 implant. L. Ron Hubbard, founder of Scientology, detailed the story in Operating Thetan level III (OT III) in 1967, famously warning that R6 was "calculated to kill (by pneumonia etc) anyone who attempts to solve it." The Xenu story was the start of the use of the volcano as a common symbol of Scientology and Dianetics from 1968 to the present day.

Much controversy between supporters and critics of the Church of Scientology has focused on the story of Xenu. The Church has tried to keep Xenu confidential; critics claim revealing the story is in the public interest, given the high prices charged for OT III. The Church avoids making mention of Xenu in public statements and has gone to considerable effort to maintain the story's confidentiality, including legal action on the grounds of both copyright and trade secrecy. Despite this, much material on Xenu has leaked to the public.

Hubbard later dramatised the Xenu story as a film script, Revolt in the Stars.

taa - Sparky


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