STRANGE STIRRINGS BELOW
THE GURU BELT 5/20/05



For this week only, the PP Guru is proud to present two of his wishful dreaming feminine disciples still firmly locked away within the dark confines of his self -gratificating mind. Time has come again to whip out that bus pass of tensegrity and wait patiently until the swelling beneath those stiff robes ebbs and flows into the atom particles of the sweet oblivion of forgetfulness. The PP Guru may have to send his astral ass packing for a family outing next week- so that's the main reason why you're getting the double booty feature today.

Now that the PP Guru has eased slowly off from his futon throne and is cognizant once again in the real of the unreal, he wants to share his mindmelding deep thoughts with his fellow acolytes . He wants to channel to all......

Deep thoughts of some cueball oral action.


The first time the PP Guru laid eyes on some exclusive European photos of Natalie Portman with her fellow castmates from the new Star Wars film, The PP Guru had originally mistaken Natalie for Sinead O'Connor. The PP Guru had figured that the leading master laureate of blockbuster filmmaking, George Lucas was going to back to the drawing board of a whole new THX-1138 movie (aren't these things supposed to work as trilogies these days?) and had cast Sinead in the LUH 3417 role as originally played by Maggie McOmie (her first and only role?).

So the reports of Natalie shaving off her brown tresses in Berlin have not been grossily exaggerated. She has definitely gone in for the seude look of which the PP Guru is sure that has no doubt by now spread a large epidemic of limp penises across the world for the one-time Oscar nominated actress. But all is not for naught- Natalie has shed the bulk of her DNA for the studio of which the PP Guru is employed through for the role of Evey Hammond in the Wachowski Brothers adaptation of Alan Moore's V for Vendetta. The title role of V will be played by Hugo Weaving. I'm sure the WACH Bros would've asked Keanu Reeves to do it- but the PP Guru surmises that Keanu is currently too busy breathing life into the new Constantine franchise, of which the second film should be tentatively titled: Hellbound, to even spare the time.

Now the panting question remains for Natalie: Is she shaved all over?

Hmmm- the PP Guru would definitely like to know the answer to this perplexing riddle. Could waking up early on a Sunday morning to get in line to see the Kevin Smith film, Revenge of the Shits mayhaps provide a clue?

Oh wait, that isn't Kevin's new movie I'm getting in line for?

Now the PP Guru's next contestant in his peyote self-pleasuring tripping dreamscape is none other than Kylie Minogue:



The hottest woman in this mortal plane of existence. The PP Guru has practically pitched a full size carnival in his robes by the mere sight of this sirenesque creature. The most surprising thing in the PP Guru's implanted repertoire of drooling sights and sounds is that he has never ever sat down and listened to any of her records, seen her videos, or let alone can't even pronounce her last name. All the PP Guru knows that every time he sees this perfected combination of Australian ass and thighs on a album cover at his local Tower Records store, he leaves a slimy moist trail right out the nearest exit doors....usually under the auspices of store security, that is.

Well it is with regret that news has travelled about the fate of Kylie breasts. Both of Kylie's girls have been diagnosed with cancer....at the relatively AOR age of 36 (the PP Guru had a recent slang breakdown the other day. The PP Guru never knew that woman are fond of calling their mamories - girls. It would make sense since the PP Guru has been known to call his testicles - the little boys' club) That's awful news even though the PP Guru is a professed ass and leg man- he does hope that Kylie pulls through this awful ordeal and gets back on those sexy feet of hers and wows the entire world on her tippy toes.

According to Kylie's website , She has suggested that instead well-wishers might like to make a small donation to the charities fighting Breast Cancer.

As told to: ~ Coat