GURU: PP GURU's RETURN TO PEYOTE PLACE

Since it's a slow news day here at PP Guru Central HQ, we'll jump ahead of schedule and resume with the PP Guru's last event filled weekend full of espionage, betrayal, and wanton bouts of uncontrolled destructive laughter.


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When we last left Peyote Place, the PP Guru was under the impression that his *ahem* film star neighbor was deeply involved in a heated affair with his upstairs neighbor - former cartoon brutha-in-arms, No Rush Geoffrey after he caught him sneaking down the stairs to her apartment at 1 AM (although- it may have been an illusion brewing in the fragmented mind of the PP Guru after polishing off a bottle of Yellowtail Merlot and dreary eyed from watching a Genesis retrospect video on his portable DVD player) .

The PP Guru's fragile heart which is powered only by the flutter of hummingbird wings had slowly developed that sinking heart to the pit of his stomach feeling . He had the lost the contest of luring his *ahem* film star neighbor to a blissful communion of harmonic carnal convergence even before it's begun. Well actually, records inadvertingly show that the PP Guru was the first guy that *ahem* film star neighbor had talked to when she was deciding on moving into the place- so the PP Guru had predicted that their destinies would someday be entwined because the curiosity factor was starting to kick in. So when upstairs neighbor NO Rush Geoffrey made his suave move on his *ahem* film star neighbor - the PP Guru was in a tirade of mixed emotions- because he's also on very good terms with No Rush Geoffrey - The PP Guru and No Rush Geoffrey would hang together outside the porch and watch Batman and Superman cartoons on his portable DVD player. No Rush Geoffrey also has the unprecedented talent of memorizing and reciting every old 1960's Marvel Superhero theme song in PERFECT PITCH. No Rush Geoffrey has also expressed interest in taking out his bass guitar and coming over to jam with the PP Guru when he plays with his new Alesis SQ6.2 synthesizer.

But as the facts of life state clearly in the unfairly unwritten law:

Big gigantic black cocks conquer all.

So the PP Guru thought it would just be better if he would quietly conceed his over abundant feelings, his bitter defeat, and not say a damn thing about how this dire situation has been affecting him of late.

But a funny thing happened last Saturday afternoon.

The PP Guru had been locked away in his bedroom watching cartoon dvds and other stuff. He wasn't watching them outside because the weather outside was starting to get a little balmy. So when he took a break and stepped outside he found his roommate for over the past year, You can me Ray, but don't call me Ray Charles late for dinner also making time with his *ahem* film star neighbor - AND he also got invited inside her apartment. And so was the handyman followed inside her apartment. AND pretty soon so was the carpet cleaner. AND the plummer. AND... well, it appeared that she was getting things worked on at her place and wanted to show it off to her *ahem* slave boy minion neighbots. So while the PP Guru was finishing off one of his good old fashioned PEYOTE STOGGIES ... NO Rush Geoffrey swung by and asked the PP Guru why he wasn't watching his cartoons that morning. The PP Guru told him that fall was finally starting to creeped in and nonchalantly asked what his upstairs neighbor had been doing for the past week. When he last saw him, he was doing his piss poor Nick Fury imitation of sneaking in his *ahem* film star neighbor's apartment last early Sunday morning.

And No Rush Geoffrey said, 'oh you know- I was just kicking back with *ahem* film star neighbor ( yeah, the PP Guru bets you were!) and she got around to talking about some interesting things and some other not so interesting things, but it seems PP Guru, that she has some kind of fondness for you. You're always out helping her move things and offering to help her in any way- so she thinks that the whole world of devoid of any gentlemen until you came along. There were sometimes when all she can't do is but talk about nothing but the PP Guru. It's like you've got her under some kind of magical juju spell, PP Guru."

"Now, what are you going to do about it, PP Guru? "

"Huh, what do you ever mean, NO Rush Geoffrey? "

"Why don't you go over to her apartment and talk to her, PP Guru? "

"Well, No Rush Geoffrey, what would the PP Guru say to her? It's just fate that the PP Guru happens to be in the right time and the right place when she's around. And the PP Guru doesn't believe that chivalry is quite dead. It's just natural instinct for a fellow Guru such as the PP Guru himself to help out a beautiful buxom babe that used to be a very popular *ahem* film star' and to make sure that she is made comfortable and feels protected in our little hacienda'. Although the words *ahem* film star was put in a another delicate matter.

No Rush Geoffrey then grabbed the PP Guru by his bugaloo googles and dragged him to his *ahem* film star neighbor's front door- but his *ahem* film star neighbor was too engrossed to notice the PP Guru's trepid intimidation as she was frantically showing off the improvements made to her apartment. Evidently the PP Guru mustered the will to step foot in her apartment and checked out the air conditioning unit that was installed in her bedroom of which she cajoled was going to be her new 'workout' room full of exercise room equipment and barbells. Oh great, as the thought balloon above the PP Guru's head germinated into life, she's going to be working out at all odds in the morning and will sweating to the oldies with only a thin wall to seperate us. Golly. How lucky could the PP Guru be?

Then something strange occured with No Rush Geoffrey 's candor, as he was talking to our *ahem* film star neighbor on the subject of a garage gate key. Our *ahem* film star neighbor has been asking for a key to the garage gate from management since the time she's moving so she can put stuff in storage. She wanted to know from No Rush Geoffrey, if she could borrow his so she could run over to the corner cigarette stand and get a copy made from the owner there (who incidentally was the PP Guru's neighbor before *ahem* film star neighbor moved in). Geoffrey who is not in quite of a big rush started to reluctantly rebuff her request and told her that it's upstairs somewhere and we'll have to go up and look for it.

OK - what kind of game is No Rush Geoffrey is playing here? What mixed signals are we trying to send to the PP Guru? So since the PP Guru doesn't understand Swazi, he backed off from the encoded conversation and went back to whatever he was doing. Don't call me Ray Late for Dinner Charles was long gone- probably off to work- leaving his room free for the PP Guru to utilize Don't call me Ray Late For Dinner Charles' cable tv to tape new Teen Titans and Justice League episodes.

Regardless, a half hour later, the PP Guru was getting restless and was about to leave to go hang out for a bit in downtown Sherman Oaks. He went outside to read a comic and smoke a cigarette before leaving- but then, from the back entrance gate, our *ahem* film star neighbor came bursting in hysterically upset- at which the PP Guru first thought was at himself, but it turned out that: "PP Guru, do you know what No Rush Geoffrey just did to me?"

Something that required the material aid of a yardstick, perhaps?

"No, PP Guru - while I was packing up a few things, No Rush Geoffrey wouldn't let me borrow the key, but he came down and opened the door for me. While I was shifting some crates around, No Rush Geoffrey moved his car out and came back and lock the gate on me while I was still inside and then drove off leaving me there like some fucking caged rat!! It it wasn't for our other upstairs neighbor Ms. Myrabird to happen to stumble by - I would've been locked in there for hours!"

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH NO RUSH GEOFFREY ? NEXT TIME I SEE HIM, I'M GOING TO KICK HIS FUCKING ASS!! "

The PP Guru would curious to find out for himself what is wrong with No Rush Geoffrey.

But -like any other daily soap opera or Telemundo novella - you'll have to tune in next week sometime and follow the story like any other schlep.

In our next episode, learn what the PP Guru's former Deposit Man editor and proofreader Rebecca Robbins said to her daughter on a walk through Venice Beach that nearly made the PP Guru laugh so hard that he thought he was going to die of crippling diarrhea.

Plus, the PP Guru's *ahem* film star neighbor adminsters truth serum to the PP Guru.

The sandcastles of time turn so slowly for (or is that the Guiding Light beaconing?):

~

Coat