ALL I GOT FOR CHRISTMAS WAS THIS LOUSY TAMPON APPLICATOR
Well- this is it. The last entry for 2003.
And I'm not sorry to see it go. 2003 was certainly a procrastinating year.
I mean we dragged on about Bush and his bullshit lies about the WMDs, about how much Saddam Hussein was such a major threat to our 'American Way of Life' that I had to go bed each night petrified beyond belief- close to wetting my wool blanket with dizzy dreams of delirium that this bogeyman in a rathole was going to sneak his way under my covers to fondle my fanny. My very livilhood was so much at stake with this frothing Iraqian mad dog dictator on the loose halfway across the globe from me.
Wait, maybe I got that confused with Michael Jackson and all those horror stories I've been hearing of how he's tipping little boys back in order to apply his (apply high pitched voice here) bottle magic potion. What's that you say? Oh, it wasn't their chins he was tipping back to apply his (apply high pitched tone here) magic potion down their throats - and the potion didn't come in a bottle, you say? Oh, how ghastly!
And then there's the drunken Diet Coke pitchman himself, Bush. Now he's the one who I should be really frightened of - considering if he's still around 4 years from now and hasn't already siphoned away my overtime pay.
I didn't get laid as much as I wanted to during 2003. Fuck, if I don't have enough condoms stashed away in my drawer with a 2003 expiration date. And understand, these were hand-me-downs from my friends who were hoping that I would get laid and stop complaining day after day about not getting laid. Jeez, even when I'm desparate. I'm too much of a cheapo to splurge for my own.
I didn't win enough money as I thought I would in Vegas. My dad moving out there was a good thing, moving in a six-bedroom house, even better (although the housing association he's enlisted with are fucking jerk-offs). His annoying sister on the other hand, who happens to be my aunt soon followed suit right after isn't a good thing. The woman's lived her near entire life in Kansas City- leaving friends and family in a huff of smoke, just so she can escape the snow. So what's on the forecast for tomorrow? Yeah, you guessed it. It's not that I totally despise the woman- it's just that she's a 63 year old whiner and uncomfortable to be around, and she has delusions that she thinks she's known me all her life - well she hasn't, didn't know anything about her until I was 21 when I moved out on my own. Now these days, she peppers my e-mail box with religious chain e-mails. Boy, it's a good thing we no longer share the same last name.
Boomtown - one of my favorite cop shows got boomed..off the air. They had a mini marathon on NBC last weekend of the last four remaining episodes.
NBC should smarten up and give this show another chance. It's a Peabody award winner for cripessakes and sure has emmy potential - if NBC didn't cave in to these stupid NELSON ratings and gave it a fucking chance to prove itself like it did Homicide: Life in the Streets years ago..
Karen Sisco has been put on hiatus. ABC swears it will return with 4 new episodes in March, but I wouldn't hold my fucking breath.
My rival in the comic book retailing business and old sparing partner in the pages of Comics Buyer's Guide's Oh So section passed away a week before Thanksgiving - that brought me down a notch a little. Not only that, but back in March, a gas station manager who I used to shoot the shit with had a heart attack at the age of 43 in a due to a physical confrontation with someone who had robbed him. His killer has still not been brought to justice. He was my personal good luck charm in helping me secure the permanent position where i'm working today. Always tossed me free packs of Parliment Lights for incentive.
Well anything else that was annoying besides Spock Beard's former lead singer, Neal Morse going all Christian and releasing Christian music that sounds strangely like Spock's Beard? Anything?
I guess not.
Good- on to the highlights of 2003 - wait a sec. I've got one more:
The Las Vegas Comic Con was the biggest suck off for me in 2003.
OK, proceed.
Now the highlights.
I started the year off right by getting hired permanently by my favorite entertainment company. Check.
I went to Vegas and came back with a $ 400 payday. Check.
Got laid a few times- which is probably than better than not getting laid at all. Check - but again- not as much as I would like to. Already established that a few paragraphs ago.
Mutant X production values has vastly improved this year.
I love the new cop shows 10-8 and Line of Fire, both respectfully on ABC.
X-Men 2, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and Matrix:Reloaded kicked major booty at the box office.
DVDS - goddamn, if the Al-Queda released anthrax tomorrow - the first thing I'm saving is my goddamn DVD player and all my Farscape double disc packs. Fuck all the woman and children first.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Volume II - probably the greatest mini-series I've read this year. The Invisible Man getting it up the ass by Mr. Hyde was a big hoot.
And since I'm short on time with not being so though - the biggest event in 2003 for me - was the publication of my new Deposit Man book- and all the money raised for the project and the money gone to pay the people involved was raised solely by....me.
That's what I'm most proud of. For a period of six weeks, without indulging in pleasures of wine, women, and DVDs and comics - I raised the capital myself, pulsing briefly to buy only hair products, toothpaste, and cups of Raman noodles to print a thousand copies of the new book from Brenner.
So things to look forward to in 2004:
More Deposit Man books - I have the new cover painted from MAS in a safe deposit box at my house- not to be opened until Larry sends me most of the pages to the Last Great Gate of Mortality Act Two later next month.
Full speed ahead.
Submitting a package to DC Comics.
New season of The Sopranos.
Spider-Man 2
Hellboy movie.
The Yes 35th Anniversary Tour.
Getting laid.
Fuck, if I'm going to provide links to all this shit.
Hope your new year's celebration will be a fruitful and safe one. Spend it with the one you love, or least the one whose thighs you want to kiss so badly in between.
Hopefully at this place here there will have plenty to go around:
www.jumbos.com/
Finally one link was that was easy to to.
~
Coat
Well- this is it. The last entry for 2003.
And I'm not sorry to see it go. 2003 was certainly a procrastinating year.
I mean we dragged on about Bush and his bullshit lies about the WMDs, about how much Saddam Hussein was such a major threat to our 'American Way of Life' that I had to go bed each night petrified beyond belief- close to wetting my wool blanket with dizzy dreams of delirium that this bogeyman in a rathole was going to sneak his way under my covers to fondle my fanny. My very livilhood was so much at stake with this frothing Iraqian mad dog dictator on the loose halfway across the globe from me.
Wait, maybe I got that confused with Michael Jackson and all those horror stories I've been hearing of how he's tipping little boys back in order to apply his (apply high pitched voice here) bottle magic potion. What's that you say? Oh, it wasn't their chins he was tipping back to apply his (apply high pitched tone here) magic potion down their throats - and the potion didn't come in a bottle, you say? Oh, how ghastly!
And then there's the drunken Diet Coke pitchman himself, Bush. Now he's the one who I should be really frightened of - considering if he's still around 4 years from now and hasn't already siphoned away my overtime pay.
I didn't get laid as much as I wanted to during 2003. Fuck, if I don't have enough condoms stashed away in my drawer with a 2003 expiration date. And understand, these were hand-me-downs from my friends who were hoping that I would get laid and stop complaining day after day about not getting laid. Jeez, even when I'm desparate. I'm too much of a cheapo to splurge for my own.
I didn't win enough money as I thought I would in Vegas. My dad moving out there was a good thing, moving in a six-bedroom house, even better (although the housing association he's enlisted with are fucking jerk-offs). His annoying sister on the other hand, who happens to be my aunt soon followed suit right after isn't a good thing. The woman's lived her near entire life in Kansas City- leaving friends and family in a huff of smoke, just so she can escape the snow. So what's on the forecast for tomorrow? Yeah, you guessed it. It's not that I totally despise the woman- it's just that she's a 63 year old whiner and uncomfortable to be around, and she has delusions that she thinks she's known me all her life - well she hasn't, didn't know anything about her until I was 21 when I moved out on my own. Now these days, she peppers my e-mail box with religious chain e-mails. Boy, it's a good thing we no longer share the same last name.
Boomtown - one of my favorite cop shows got boomed..off the air. They had a mini marathon on NBC last weekend of the last four remaining episodes.
NBC should smarten up and give this show another chance. It's a Peabody award winner for cripessakes and sure has emmy potential - if NBC didn't cave in to these stupid NELSON ratings and gave it a fucking chance to prove itself like it did Homicide: Life in the Streets years ago..
Karen Sisco has been put on hiatus. ABC swears it will return with 4 new episodes in March, but I wouldn't hold my fucking breath.
My rival in the comic book retailing business and old sparing partner in the pages of Comics Buyer's Guide's Oh So section passed away a week before Thanksgiving - that brought me down a notch a little. Not only that, but back in March, a gas station manager who I used to shoot the shit with had a heart attack at the age of 43 in a due to a physical confrontation with someone who had robbed him. His killer has still not been brought to justice. He was my personal good luck charm in helping me secure the permanent position where i'm working today. Always tossed me free packs of Parliment Lights for incentive.
Well anything else that was annoying besides Spock Beard's former lead singer, Neal Morse going all Christian and releasing Christian music that sounds strangely like Spock's Beard? Anything?
I guess not.
Good- on to the highlights of 2003 - wait a sec. I've got one more:
The Las Vegas Comic Con was the biggest suck off for me in 2003.
OK, proceed.
Now the highlights.
I started the year off right by getting hired permanently by my favorite entertainment company. Check.
I went to Vegas and came back with a $ 400 payday. Check.
Got laid a few times- which is probably than better than not getting laid at all. Check - but again- not as much as I would like to. Already established that a few paragraphs ago.
Mutant X production values has vastly improved this year.
I love the new cop shows 10-8 and Line of Fire, both respectfully on ABC.
X-Men 2, Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King, and Matrix:Reloaded kicked major booty at the box office.
DVDS - goddamn, if the Al-Queda released anthrax tomorrow - the first thing I'm saving is my goddamn DVD player and all my Farscape double disc packs. Fuck all the woman and children first.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Volume II - probably the greatest mini-series I've read this year. The Invisible Man getting it up the ass by Mr. Hyde was a big hoot.
And since I'm short on time with not being so though - the biggest event in 2003 for me - was the publication of my new Deposit Man book- and all the money raised for the project and the money gone to pay the people involved was raised solely by....me.
That's what I'm most proud of. For a period of six weeks, without indulging in pleasures of wine, women, and DVDs and comics - I raised the capital myself, pulsing briefly to buy only hair products, toothpaste, and cups of Raman noodles to print a thousand copies of the new book from Brenner.
So things to look forward to in 2004:
More Deposit Man books - I have the new cover painted from MAS in a safe deposit box at my house- not to be opened until Larry sends me most of the pages to the Last Great Gate of Mortality Act Two later next month.
Full speed ahead.
Submitting a package to DC Comics.
New season of The Sopranos.
Spider-Man 2
Hellboy movie.
The Yes 35th Anniversary Tour.
Getting laid.
Fuck, if I'm going to provide links to all this shit.
Hope your new year's celebration will be a fruitful and safe one. Spend it with the one you love, or least the one whose thighs you want to kiss so badly in between.
Hopefully at this place here there will have plenty to go around:
www.jumbos.com/
Finally one link was that was easy to to.
~
Coat
posted by Coat @ 7:54 PM
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