SPARKY SAYS:
NOW THERE IS
A SMOKING GUN!
CAN THE GULLED
RED STATE ZOMBIFIED
DUPES WILLFULLY
IGNORE THIS?

The Secret Downing Street Memo: is the first actual, actionable, impeachable offense with evidence that could stick. Congressman John Conyers has drafted a letter to President Bush asking he answer to the questions raised by the now famous Downing Street memo, which has been trumpeted in every press except here in our America.

To find out about the downing street memo, read it:
SECRET AND STRICTLY
PERSONAL - UK EYES ONLY

DAVID MANNING
From: Matthew Rycroft
Date: 23 July 2002
S 195 /02

cc: Defence Secretary, Foreign Secretary, Attorney-General, Sir Richard Wilson, John Scarlett, Francis Richards, CDS, C, Jonathan Powell, Sally Morgan, Alastair Campbell

IRAQ: PRIME MINISTER'S MEETING, 23 JULY

Copy addressees and you met the Prime Minister on 23 July to discuss Iraq.

This record is extremely sensitive. No further copies should be made. It should be shown only to those with a genuine need to know its contents.

John Scarlett summarised the intelligence and latest JIC assessment. Saddam's regime was tough and based on extreme fear. The only way to overthrow it was likely to be by massive military action. Saddam was worried and expected an attack, probably by air and land, but he was not convinced that it would be immediate or overwhelming. His regime expected their neighbours to line up with the US. Saddam knew that regular army morale was poor. Real support for Saddam among the public was probably narrowly based.

C reported on his recent talks in Washington. There was a perceptible shift in attitude. Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy. The NSC had no patience with the UN route, and no enthusiasm for publishing material on the Iraqi regime's record. There was little discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military action.

CDS said that military planners would brief CENTCOM on 1-2 August, Rumsfeld on 3 August and Bush on 4 August.

The two broad US options were:

(a) Generated Start. A slow build-up of 250,000 US troops, a short (72 hour) air campaign, then a move up to Baghdad from the south. Lead time of 90 days (30 days preparation plus 60 days deployment to Kuwait).

(b) Running Start. Use forces already in theatre (3 x 6,000), continuous air campaign, initiated by an Iraqi casus belli. Total lead time of 60 days with the air campaign beginning even earlier. A hazardous option.

The US saw the UK (and Kuwait) as essential, with basing in Diego Garcia and Cyprus critical for either option. Turkey and other Gulf states were also important, but less vital. The three main options for UK involvement were:

(i) Basing in Diego Garcia and Cyprus, plus three SF squadrons.
(ii) As above, with maritime and air assets in addition.

(iii) As above, plus a land contribution of up to 40,000, perhaps with a discrete role in Northern Iraq entering from Turkey, tying down two Iraqi divisions.

The Defence Secretary said that the US had already begun "spikes of activity" to put pressure on the regime. No decisions had been taken, but he thought the most likely timing in US minds for military action to begin was January, with the timeline beginning 30 days before the US Congressional elections.

The Foreign Secretary said he would discuss this with Colin Powell this week. It seemed clear that Bush had made up his mind to take military action, even if the timing was not yet decided. But the case was thin. Saddam was not threatening his neighbours, and his WMD capability was less than that of Libya, North Korea or Iran. We should work up a plan for an ultimatum to Saddam to allow back in the UN weapons inspectors. This would also help with the legal justification for the use of force.

The Attorney-General said that the desire for regime change was not a legal base for military action. There were three possible legal bases: self-defence, humanitarian intervention, or UNSC authorisation. The first and second could not be the base in this case. Relying on UNSCR 1205 of three years ago would be difficult. The situation might of course change.

The Prime Minister said that it would make a big difference politically and legally if Saddam refused to allow in the UN inspectors. Regime change and WMD were linked in the sense that it was the regime that was producing the WMD. There were different strategies for dealing with Libya and Iran. If the political context were right, people would support regime change. The two key issues were whether the military plan worked and whether we had the political strategy to give the military plan the space to work.

On the first, CDS said that we did not know yet if the US battleplan was workable. The military were continuing to ask lots of questions.

For instance, what were the consequences, if Saddam used WMD on day one, or if Baghdad did not collapse and urban warfighting began? You said that Saddam could also use his WMD on Kuwait. Or on Israel, added the Defence Secretary.

The Foreign Secretary thought the US would not go ahead with a military plan unless convinced that it was a winning strategy. On this, US and UK interests converged. But on the political strategy, there could be US/UK differences. Despite US resistance, we should explore discreetly the ultimatum. Saddam would continue to play hard-ball with the UN.

John Scarlett assessed that Saddam would allow the inspectors back in only when he thought the threat of military action was real.

The Defence Secretary said that if the Prime Minister wanted UK military involvement, he would need to decide this early. He cautioned that many in the US did not think it worth going down the ultimatum route. It would be important for the Prime Minister to set out the political context to Bush.

Conclusions:

(a) We should work on the assumption that the UK would take part in any military action. But we needed a fuller picture of US planning before we could take any firm decisions. CDS should tell the US military that we were considering a range of options.

(b) The Prime Minister would revert on the question of whether funds could be spent in preparation for this operation.

(c) CDS would send the Prime Minister full details of the proposed military campaign and possible UK contributions by the end of the week.

(d) The Foreign Secretary would send the Prime Minister the background on the UN inspectors, and discreetly work up the ultimatum to Saddam.

He would also send the Prime Minister advice on the positions of countries in the region especially Turkey, and of the key EU member states.

(e) John Scarlett would send the Prime Minister a full intelligence update.

(f) We must not ignore the legal issues: the Attorney-General would consider legal advice with FCO/MOD legal advisers.

(I have written separately to commission this follow-up work.)

MATTHEW RYCROFT
(Rycroft was a Downing Street foreign policy aide)




=====================================

Congressman John Conyers is calling on American citizens to sign on to a letter to the President that demands a response to questions originally posed by Conyers and 88 other members of Congress in a similar letter dated May 5, 2005. Conyers has committed to personally delivering the letter to the White House when it garners 100,000 citizen signatures.

Let's help him get there. Follow this link to sign.

Over 86,000 signatures so far, as of 12:00 pm, 6-2-05

*The congressman's website is having trouble keeping up with the traffic, and they may also be changing the address of the specific page. The links above will go to the Home page.

=====================================

The "Downing Street memo", sometimes described as the "smoking gun memo", is a document that contains the minutes taken during a meeting among United Kingdom government and defense and intelligence figures on July 23, 2002 discussing the build-up to the 2003 Iraq War. It was printed in The Sunday Times on May 1, 2005. Its authenticity has been officially confirmed nor by the government, though Downing Street has stated that the document contains "nothing new ." There have been repeated media and congressional requests for clarification.

Ultimately the United Kingdom sent 46,000 troops to join the United States-led action, by far the largest non-US contingent in the invasion.

The memo gets its name from Downing Street in London where the official residence of the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom (at 10 Downing Street) is. It is a metonymy for the United Kingdom government.

Addressees of the memo

Copies of the minutes were sent to:

• Secretary of State for Defence Geoff Hoon,
• Secretary of State for Foreign and Commonwealth Affairs Jack Straw,
• Attorney General of England and Wales Lord Goldsmith,
• Cabinet Secretary Sir Richard Wilson,
• Chairman of the Joint Intelligence Committee John Scarlett,
• Director of the Government Communications Headquarters Francis Richards,
• Chief of the Defence Staff Sir Michael Boyce,
• Head of the Secret Intelligence Service Richard Dearlove,
• Prime Minister's Chief of Staff Jonathan Powell,
• Downing Street Director of Government Relations Sally Morgan, and
• Downing Street Director of Communications and Strategy Alastair Campbell.

Interpretations

Critics of the war claim that the memo proves that the Bush Administration

1. was determined to go to war with Iraq prior to considerations of legality,
2. and with full knowledge that, at best, "the case was slim",
3. selected and exaggerated intelligence so as to confirm their policy and
4. developed a plan to manipulate public opinion.
5. Also, critics say that the contents (such as "Military action was now seen as inevitable.") and the date of the memo, July 23rd, 2002, contradicts the official White House position that Mr. Bush did not finally decide to carry out the invasion of March 2003 until after Secretary of State Colin L. Powell presented the administration's case to the United Nations Security Council, in a speech on Feb. 5, 2003. They also point out that the memo is dated at a time when Bush stated that "we haven't made any decisions on Iraq, but all options are on the table."
6. Another paragraph has been interpreted to show that Geoff Hoon believed timing of the war's start was intended to influence American elections:

The Defence Secretary said that the US had already begun "spikes of activity" to put pressure on the regime. No decisions had been taken, but he thought the most likely timing in US minds for military action to begin was January, with the timeline beginning 30 days before the US Congressional elections.

It has been said that some of those present at the meeting believed that Iraq might possess weapons of mass destruction (WMD) "capacity". However, the minutes explicitly state that the capability was less than that of Libya, Iran, and North Korea, and that Saddam was not threatening his neighbors.

Reaction

UK Prime Minister Tony Blair

When the document was published, UK Prime Minister Tony Blair denied that anything in the memo demonstrated misconduct and said that it added little to what was already known about how British policy on Iraq developed.

US Congress

On May 5, Congressman John Conyers sent a letter to President Bush signed by 89 of his colleagues demanding an explanation of the revelations in the memo. No specific White House response to the letter has been made publicly. In response to the Bush Administration's refusal to answer the congressional delegation's questions, Conyers et. al have given serious consideration to sending a fact-finding mission to the UK. [1] (http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-1622378,00.html)

Conyers has requested 100,000 signatures from citizens (a petition) to request that the President Bush answer the questions in his letter. [2]

White House spokesman Scott McClellan

On May 16, presidential spokesman Scott McClellan said that the memo's statement that intelligence was "being fixed" to support a decision to invade Iraq was "flat out wrong." However, McClellan admitted that he has not read the memo, but has only received reports of what it contains. [3]

On May 17, McClellan told reports that the White House saw "no need" to respond to the letter from Congress. [4]

On May 23, McClellan retracted his May 16th statement about intelligence treatment:

"Let me correct you...let me correct you on the characterization of the quote you attributed to me. I’m referring to some of the allegations that were made referring to a report.

In terms of the intelligence, the - if anyone wants to know how the intelligence was used by the adminsitration, all they have to do is go back and look at all the public comments over the course of the lead-up to the war in Iraq, and that’s all very public information. Everybody who was there could see how we used that intelligence." [5]

This has jokingly been called "the McClellan challenge". [6]

US Secretary of State Rice and UK Foreign Secretary Straw

On May 18th, 2005, US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice and UK Foreign Secretary Jack Straw were questioned on the memo, during live coverage of a joint US-UK conference, aired on Sky News:

And if I could, then, ask both of you to comment on the very well-publicised British memo that was leaked ... from the minutes of a meeting that took place in July of 2002 with Tony Blair and some of his military intelligence advisers. In particular, it quotes one British official saying the intelligence and facts that the U.S. was putting forward were being fixed around the policy.... ...could you speak to these allegations, in particular, Madam Secretary, and whether or not this is true? ...Mr. Secretary Straw, if you could also speak to the authenticity of this memo? And in particular, you're quoted in here saying that 'The case was thin, Saddam was not threatening his neighbours, and his WMD capacity was less than that of Libya, North Korea or Iran.'

Neither Rice nor Straw answered the questions. The full transcript is available here

News coverage

The Downing Street Minutes was a major story in the British press during the last few days of the 2005 general election campaign and was also covered in other countries. The story had limited coverage in the USA but has recently gained more attention in the American press.

Some have criticized the American media’s coverage of the memo as disturbingly poor. [7] [8]

On, May 20th, 2005, a new Public Editor for The New York Times, publicly assesed the coverage of the minutes in The New York Times in a forum on the NYT's website. He also stated that, due to continuing reader interest, the paper intends to give fuller coverage to the memo. [9]
On Memorial Day, 2005, the Minneapolis St. Paul Star Tribune was perhaps the first American daily newspaper in a major city to reference the Downing Street Minutes as part of the evidence in an editorial, stating explicitly,

"President Bush and those around him lied, and the rest of us let them. Harsh? Yes. True? Also yes. Perhaps it happened because Americans, understandably, don't expect untruths from those in power. But that works better as an explanation than as an excuse....

"It turns out that former counterterrorism chief Richard Clarke and former Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill were right. Both have been pilloried for writing that by summer 2002 Bush had already decided to invade."

Internet

Numerous web logs have picked up the story (see blogpulse , and a website, www.downingstreetmemo.com, has been created dedicated to informing the public about the memo. [10] is a coalition of more than 90 organizations who support an inquiry by the US into the evidence contained in the Downing Street Minutes, and who are working towards a Resolution of Inquiry into charges of Violation of the Constitution and US law War Crimes violations. On May 30, 2005, in a" blogswarm ^{[11] ) [12] [13] [14] [15]} fueled by the memo, hundreds of blogs joined together to form the Big Brass Alliance . The Big Brass Alliance is a collective of progressive bloggers who support After Downing Street, in urging the U.S. Congress to file a formal "Resolution of Inquiry" into President Bush's handling of pre-war intelligence.

Pundits

On May 18, conservative pundit and former Reagan Administration advisor Paul Craig Roberts wrote an article calling for Bush's impeachment for lying to Congress about the case for war.

Citizens

A coalition of citizen groups running the gamut of social and political issues will ask Congress to file a Resolution of Inquiry, the first necessary legal step to determine whether President Bush has committed impeachable offenses. [16] The formal Resolution of Inquiry request was written by Boston constitutional attorney John C. Bonifaz and is available here. The request states the constitutional grounds for impeachment:

"[The President] has not given [the Senate] full information, but has concealed important intelligence which he ought to have communicated, and by that means induced them to enter into measures injurious to their country, and which they would not have consented to had the true state of things been disclosed to them."

Among the citizen groups are:

• Veterans for Peace
• Progressive Democrats of America (PDA)
• 911Citizens Watch
• Democracy Rising
• Code Pink
• Global Exchange
• Democrats.com
• Velvet Revolution, and
• Gold Star Families for Peace

A website, afterdowningstreet.org (http://www.afterdowningstreet.org/), has been established for the newly emerging citizens' coalition. In the May 31, 2005 Boston Globe, an op-ed by Ralph Nader and Kevin Zeese supports the call for impeachment, citing the memo as part of the evidence that the possibility of deliberate deception by the administration should be investigated.[17]

Democrats.com has raised one thousand dollars, offered as a reward to anyone who can "get George Bush to answer this question:

"In July 2002, did you and your administration "fix" the intelligence and facts about non-existent Iraqi WMD's and ties to terrorism - which were disputed by U.S. intelligence officials - to sell your decision to invade Iraq to Congress, the American People, and the world - as quoted in the Downing Street Minutes?"

In addition to the grand prize for eliciting a clear Yes or No answer, a number of lesser prizes are offered for lesser responses, down to $100 reward for video evidence of having posed the question clearly to President Bush within his hearing but getting no answer.[18]

See also

• Declaration of war by the United States
• Governments' pre-war positions on invasion of Iraq
• The UN Security Council and the Iraq war
• Text of Memo

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Downing Street "Memo" is actually a document containing meeting minutes transcribed during the British Prime Minister's meeting on July 23, 2002—a full eight months PRIOR to the invasion of Iraq on March 20, 2003. The Times of London printed the text of this document on Sunday, May 1, 2005, but to date US media coverage has been limited. This site is intended to act as a resource for anyone who wants to understand the facts revealed in this document.

The contents of the memo are shocking. The minutes detail how our government did not believe Iraq was a greater threat than other nations; how intelligence was "fixed" to sell the case for war to the American public; and how the Bush Administration’s public assurances of "war as a last resort" were at odds with their privately stated intentions.

When asked, British officials "did not dispute the document's authenticity." and a senior American official has described it as "absolutely accurate." Yet the Bush administration continues to simultaneously sidestep the issue while attempting to cast doubt on the memo’s authenticity.

Nobody wants to go to war. We trust our leaders to shed blood in our name only when absolutely necessary. But the facts revealed by the Downing Street Memo force us to ask ourselves: Was I misled? Did President Bush tell me the truth when he said he would not take us to war unless absolutely necessary?

More than two years after the start of the Iraq War, Americans are just learning that our government was dead set on invasion, even while it claimed to be pursuing diplomacy. Please join us in demanding that we get to the bottom of this issue.

Quotes regarding the document's validity:

"The newly disclosed memo, which was first reported by the Sunday Times of London, hasn't been disavowed by the British government. The British Embassy in Washington did not respond to requests for comment.

A former senior U.S. official called it "an absolutely accurate description of what transpired" during the senior British intelligence officer's visit to Washington. He spoke on condition of anonymity.

A White House official said the administration wouldn't comment on leaked British documents..."

• Memo: Bush manipulated Iraq intel,
Newsday, May 9, 2005

"British officials did not dispute the document's authenticity..."

• Bush asked to explain UK war memo,
CNN, May 12, 2005

"Since Smith's report was published May 1, Blair's Downing Street office has not disputed the document's authenticity. Asked about them Wednesday, a Blair spokesman said the report added nothing significant..."

• Indignation Grows in U.S. Over British Prewar Documents,

LA Times, May 12, 2005

This is exciting news. Even as some of the Red State Voters are grasping how much Bush's puppeteers cooked the books and cheated their way into the White House a second time.

Links

• Wikisource:Downing Street Memo re Bush's Determination to Topple Saddam
  • The memo at The Times' website
    
• Wikisource:Letter_from_congress_regarding_Downing_Street_memo
  • The original pdf at the House Judiciary website
    
• DowningStreetMemo.com , a site put up by citizens seeking inquiry into memo's evidence.
• AfterDowningStreet.org , a site established for the newly emerging citizens' coalition seeking a formal inquiry into the memo.
• Paul Craig Roberts' article calling for impeachment
  
• Matthew Clark, csmonitor.com, May 17, 2005, "Why has 'Downing Street memo' story been a 'dud' in US?"
  
• Newsday - Memo: Bush manipulated Iraq intel [19]
  
• CNN Report on the memo video
  
• MSNBC interview of a congresswoman who signed the inquiry letter to Bush (video)
  
• Iraq: full texts of speeches and key documents archived on The Guardian. Retrieved May 31, 2005.
• DailyKos collection of reports and documents on pre-war intelligence
  
• Knight-Ridder collection of articles on Iraq intelligence

---
It's not about blowjobs like “Poppy” got from Jennifer Fitzgerald (and the Press ignored) - it's about lying to the American People and killing young and dedicated soldiers because of an unnecessary mindless rush to war. So ask the next "Reagan Youth" 30-something if he's okay with fellow Americans dying to protect a Russian Pipeline.

o&o - Sparky

PP GURU:
REAL LIFE STRANGE STIRRINGS
BELOW THE PP GURU'S BELT!!

The PP Guru was at a impasse this week concerning what feminine subject he wanted to tackle (and the PP Guru would love to do a lot of tackling of female subjects these days). He didn't want to go all balls out on particular celebrity matters, even though they were making the majority of the news other than the usual insurgent car bombings and California beach landslides.

He could have commented on Paris Hilton's planted nuptials to some other stupid schmuck who happens to be also named Paris whose plans of worldly domination would only entail littering the earth with even more airheaded Paris offsprings - but both he and Sparky already contributed their discourse for everything of giant-sized digits and toes grappling and stuffing her face with double sized burgers.

He could have went for the Lindsay Lohan car clash with the sloppy drooling over- eager paparazzi- snapping her picture over what? Her dad being a drunk? Nah- afraid she falls way too under the jail bait radar for the PP Guru. Good luck with Herbie, darling and be careful with that constant roaming tail pipe - or you'll be doing worse than trying to call M.A.A.C.O. for help.

Renee Zellweger could've been a contender - but the only interest the PP Guru had in her was when she provided the perfect leg sandwich with Catherine Zeta-Jones in Chicago - now with her being married to a country singer of all people, raises a red flag and therefore his attention span for Renee is as engaging these days as a labrador sitting in a easy chair licking his balls. Besides, the PP Guru was under the impression that her new film Cinderella Man was a documentary about the Canadian power trio Rush with her playing some horny underage crazed groupie putting out for singer/bassist Geddy Lee.

No- this time the PP Guru is going to pay tribute to something different this time around.

Real life acolytes.

Now the PP Guru doesn't really like to boast - but he has real life female operatives spread across the continents like Toltec warriors that usually stay in constant contact with him via two way wrist radios about the daily dirty going ons within the Hollywood celebrity nexus. So in essence, they are the gossip gatherers for him and their power of presence is legion to him.

One of the main PP Guru's subtle and ample bodied lieutenants in this war of truth, justice, and the incineration of the National Enquirer's right wing gossip hounded circulation is the amazing Jennnnnnster.



And the PP Guru has actually seen her in the flesh. So please allow him to gush with kindred benevolence - after all, she has a booty that has be seen to be believed.

Earlier this year, The Amazing J with the 6 N's has provided the PP Guru with spectacular intel on his rival studio's shady dealings with such late-breaking stories as to what was really going on with a certain female mega tv movie/star when both her new movie that was made by a different rival studio (which anyway winded up bombing from a 100 stories high) conflicted with the new season premiere date of her television series which goes through a network owned by the studio that she is contracted to. The press had reported that she came down with some serious ailment therefore leading all of us to believe that she was too ill to make it to her own red carpet premiere of the movie. Once upon hearing that little tidbit, The PP Guru immediately became suspicious when all movie posters and bus placards magically began disappearing all over town. The PP Guru was immediately thunderstruck and got on his Cleargreen patented cornet of zen with Jennnnnn and quietly sucked all that nasty clandestine hubris from out of her pretty little head and quickly bottled it and e-shipped it off to Heidi's blog before those other ugly tabloid rags such as Variety or The Hollywood Reporter got their dirty unsanitary grubby little hands on it. The PP Guru's suspicions were true, Studio A did not want this movie starlet to be anywhere near the promotion of Studio B's movie when their television series premiered a mere two days before the picture's official opening day.

You see, with just a little tantra brainwashing and a pinch of peyote, the PP Guru can crack his agents over just as a blind Yaqui yoga instructor bends over a seeing eye dog to extract the most important intel almost as good as the White House can out Valerie Plame as a CIA leak. And with that * ahem* incredible(s) looking booty - it's not as easy as it looks to all those all normal guru joes who claim they can do it in Ixtlan land.

In addition, the fabulous J with the 6 N's has been very palliative in assisting the PP Guru with her studio's employee discount in obtaining certain quantity of their superlative DVDs. Whatever harsh words he has about the underhanded sneaky shenanigans that her company partakes in - there's no doubt in the PP Guru's herbicidal battered mind, her guys make the most excellent DVDs that are just chockful of hard to find easter eggs. The PP Guru likes to call on the J with the 6 N's every once in a while just to see....

that incredible booty... up close and personal..

that....that stupendous, fantastically, fine firmed & chistled....booty.

THAT marvelously eye catching and sense shattering booty which under the PP Guru's tutelage could master the ability to end world hunger and bring peace and prosperity to many starved nations....

That booty, that wonderful.....

ohh.

.....

THE PP GURU has simply got to learn how to snap himself out of these self- gratifying trances while he's doing these mind melding transcriptions.

Now where was the PP Guru? Ah yes,..... the Jen with the 6 N's is within her own rights a fabulous talented creature. In addition to being a mole to the PP Guru's fact based celebrity gathering operations, the Jen with the 6 N's has done some radio dee-jaying on KISS- FM, likes to drives around monster trucks and is currently raising a young boy of whom he hears is a MVP on his little league team.






So there you have it,

Real life strange stirrings below the PP Guru's belt.

With curvaceous booties.....

Ohhhhhh.


As vulgarly relayed to:

~ Coat

PP GURU:
WHAT KIDNEY STONE
KRYPTONITE CAN REALLY
DO TO YOU

It would be a understatement if The PP Guru had told you that his latest Las Vegas sojourn wasn't at least memorable. When the PP Guru first announced on this blog that he was going to embark on a casino cocktail waitress ass- grabing jamboree, he was at first jubilant about the prospect of slapping his sweaty palms of sage wisdom upon the derrieres of the disavowed - but upon arrival at the Purple Papa Guru's sanctorium of stucco roofed
sanctity, the PP Guru realized that all was not well - that the PPP Guru may need extreme medical assistance.

The Purple Papa Guru had just come of some laser blasting surgery for a giant golf ball sized kidney stone that was stuck in his urinary tract. The lasers were successful in blasting the blocked up boulder into tiny weeny bite-size crystals, but the Purple Papa Guru had to be retrofitted with a 'stent' to help regulate the size of the crystals that the PPP Guru had to pass through.



Here's a description of what purpose the stent is supposed to serve (courtsey of http://www.urologystone.com/kidneystones.html )

Ureteral Stents are tubular indwelling devices designed to provide support and maintain patency of the ureter, which may be blocked or obstructed. The indications for placement of a ureteral stent include, ureteral stricture, obstruction by a stone, tumor. In addition a repair or surgical anastomosis of a ureter would require the placement of a ureteral stent.


Plain film demonstrating a right DJ
ureteral stent with a curl seen at
the level of the kidney and bladder
(yellow arrowheads). Note the presence
of a ureteral stone (red arrowhead).


So basically in PP Guru layman's terms - it's a (bamboo shoot - no, only kidding) tube that
they stick up your dick and would most likely venture to say that it must really,... really... hurt like hell.

The PP Guru gets nauseous just by thinking about it.

So Friday morning, while the PP Guru was talking over the coffee talk prognosis with the PPP Guru over a midday lunch bottle of Corona with a twist of lime (only the PP Guru was allowed to have - the PPP Guru was under doctor's orders not to get all 'stinko' - when the Vicodin will do just fine, thank you), the PPP Guru gave his not-so inquisitive offspring the dirty low down of how he can't drink or drive (well,....that is sound advice after all ) and can't eat certain foods like cheese or anything with diary in it- because the kidney stones are made up of nasty little engrams of calcium deposits - plus all the graphic dirty details of what they had to do to install in the 'private' areas of his body.

Can you imagine what Superman must go through if he had stopped for a bite to eat at a pizzeria chain owned by Lex Luthor- this is what he would wind up stuffing into the calzone:

That's right, huge chunks of chrystalized kidney stone kryptonite.



Very, very deadly.

So imagine the PP Guru's harrowing incertitude when the next day after both the PP Guru and PPP Guru were going to make plans to see a preview of the Cinderella Man movie, and no sooner does old man PPP Guru's stent gets caught up in his fly's zipper and had accidently been yanked out. On a Memorial Day weekend, nonetheless when ER doctors were out....GOLFING!! And without that piece of string anchor inserted to keep the size of the stones regulated, there's nothing much one can do but to keeping poppin the antibiotics- because those rocks are going to get bigger than one of those floating stalagmites you see floating around in Reed Richards' Negative Zone, and the PP Guru can't even begine to comprehend how to push something of that size and magnitute through the ol' pooper.

Even though the PPP Guru had managed to experience so much excruciating pain in the balls that one could ever fathom- if he had gotten a temperature- he would have to have been rushed to the emergency and prepped for immediate surgery. But luckily he didn't, as Tuesday morning fell around, the PPP Guru did manage to sway a path through a obstacle course while taking the PP Guru to the airport and felt that the danger had passed and that maybe the stent did its' job after all, but he would be heading to the doctor to get a x-rays done to see if any damage had occured.

So all the while, that the PP Guru had idly been sitting around the sanctorium of stucco roofed sanctity, he had to amuse himself by watching around 14 or so, the regularly scheduled DVDs that he had brought over from his house in Sherman Oaks (gotta have the Cary Coatney channel wherever he goes), looked and cooed at chicks on the internet that he could dream of leaving a lustful bouquet of baptizing bite-marks on their curveous buttocks....if he were prowling the Las Vegas strip at night, and tried to bone up on a bunch of comics that he hasn't had to a chance to read since he got them a month or so ago...

One such book was the extra thick 'Countdown to Infinity Crisis' that was easily obtained for nothing more than a chump dollar- something you wouldn't lose sleep over as if you were playing slots all night in this town. Yeah, so do you wanna know what happens in it? Well. let's see: Blue Beetle dies, Maxwell Lord - just like the coffee is the main ringleader of the criminal organization called Checkmate, and Batman is a schmuck for creating the OMAC project. So take that spoiler warning and stick it up the ass. the PP Guru also got caught up with his essential Luke Cage, Powerman trade paperback that he purchased months ago.

The PP Guru did manage to go out in the daytime hours and tried his best to advert thinking about hot boiling cocktail waitresses and silky nylons that they wear. His old mentor, Obi Wan Danobi, who did mange to pick him from the airport due to the PPP Guru being cripplingly incapacitated, invited him to go out for a game of Bingo in some creepy part of town last Monday at some disclosed location where it seemed to be a combination of a casino and convalescent home services where he witnessed most of the high rollers racing around on the dealer's floor in high speed wheelchairs. For twenty one dollars, you get this radio controlled box that looked like some sort of fibrillating machine. And maybe at some time, it used to. You take this box and open it up and there are electronic cards inside and it displays up to twelve games played 6 different ways across four cards that show up on the screen. And as soon as numbers are called, you have a icon that you've selected to take the place of the numbers that are called on your cards. And if you're one card away from achieving bingo - the remaining number will flash on your screen and will beep loudly when Bingo is called.

No big secret that The PP Guru didn't win. It was probably the worst twenty-one dollars he spent in his life- especially when you're breathing the same air with a bunch of septuagenarian bingo champions.



The PP Guru then ventured on his own to his favorite hotspot, the Westward Ho casino where he took his chances on the Monopoly progressives and tweaked his jedi slot skills on the new Star Wars: A New Hope progressives. Usually the PP Guru tries to avoid inserting his hard earned schekels into these computer animated cash suckers - but for some reason, the PP Guru was drawn into that gambling entity otherwise known as the Frugal Force - he couldn't resist feeling that George Lucas owed him big time for his latest cinematic catastrophe, so the PP Guru wanted to take it out in space operatic spades. The first time PP Guru rolled, he matched like three Luke Skywalkers and won $ 44.00 bucks and the next time he rolled, he matched three Leias and got $ 16- the PP Guru contained himself from not trying to snag a three Death Star bonus round after watching some of his neighbors win a few, the game also has bonus rounds in which Han Solo blast Stormtroopers for points and Obi Wan Kenobi fights it out with a lightsaber duel to the death with Darth Vader (and sometimes Obi Wan wins - geez talk about Crisis in Infinite Star Wars parallel universes!!). So it would be safe to say, that George Lucas more than adequately refunded his admission price for Revenge of the Shits although the Purple Papa Guru paid more than the ultimate price for the entire weekend.

As relayed via a tedious brain damaging cellphone converstaion through:

~

Coat

SPARKY:
What you're not listening to
and really need to —
SPAMALOT!

Monty Python's Spamalot is a musical based on the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail. Eric Idle of Monty Python wrote the musical's book and lyrics, and he collaborated with John Du Prez on the music. It was directed by Mike Nichols.

The original production stars Tim Curry as King Arthur, David Hyde Pierce as Sir Robin, and Hank Azaria as Sir Lancelot. The show also features Christopher Sieber as Sir Galahad, Michael McGrath as King Arthur's sidekick Patsy, and Sara Ramirez as the Lady of the Lake, in a role significantly expanded for the show. John Cleese plays the voice of God in a a recorded role; he's the only actor from the film to also appear in the production. Curry, Pierce, Azaria, Sieber, and McGrath also play various smaller roles, such as the Black Knight and the Knight of Ni.

Previews of the show began in Chicago's Shubert Theatre on December 21, 2004; the show officially opened there on January 9, 2005. It previewed on Broadway, also at the Shubert Theatre, beginning February 14, 2005, and officially opened on March 17, 2005. A musical version of the film's witch-hunting scene was eliminated when it moved to Broadway.

Financial and critical success

The original production has been both a financial and critical success. Variety reported advanced tickets sales of $18 million, with ticket prices ranging from $36 to $101. Monty Python fans appreciate its many references to the film and other material in the Python canon, including a line from The Lumberjack Song, a nod to the "Ministry of Silly Walks" routine, and a singalong of "Always Look on the Bright Side of Life" from Monty Python's Life of Brian. Broadway musical fans appreciate its visual and auditory references to other musicals and musical theatre in general, such as "The Song that Goes Like This" (a spoof of Andrew Lloyd Webber), the knights doing a dance reminiscent of Fiddler on the Roof, and Azaria's channeling of Peter Allen in "His Name Is Lancelot."

This success is also reflected in the show's fourteen Tony Award nominations, more than any other show for the 2004-2005 season:

• Best Musical
• Best Book of a Musical (Eric Idle)
• Best Original Score (Music and/or Lyrics) Written for the Theatre (John Du Prez and Eric Idle (Music); Eric Idle (Lyrics))
• Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical (Hank Azaria)
• Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical (Tim Curry)
• Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical (Michael McGrath)
• Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical (Christopher Sieber)
• Best Performance by a Featured Actress in a Musical (Sara Ramirez)
• Best Scenic Design of a Musical (Tim Hatley)
• Best Costume Design of a Musical (Tim Hatley)
• Best Lighting Design of a Musical (Hugh Vanstone)
• Best Direction of a Musical (Mike Nichols)
• Best Choreography (Casey Nicholaw, in his Broadway debut)
• Best Orchestrations (Larry Hochman)

Songs

Act I

• Fisch Schlapping Song
• Monk Chant
• He's Not Dead Yet
• Come With Me
• Laker Girls Cheer
• The Song That Goes Like This
• He Is Not Dead Yet
• All For One
• Knights of the Round Table
• Song That Goes Like This (Reprise)
• Find Your Grail
• Run Away!

Act III. No...Act II

• Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life
• You Won't Succeed On Broadway
• Diva's Lament (Whatever Happened To My Part?)
• Where Are You?
• His Name Is Lancelot
• I'm All Alone
• Twice In Every Show
• Act II Finale
• Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life (Sing Along Reprise

Origin of the title

Idle explained the title in a February 2004 press release about the musical:

I like the title SPAMALOT a lot. We tested it with audiences on my recent US tour and they liked it as much as I did, which is gratifying. After all, they are the ones who will be paying Broadway prices to see the show. It comes from a line in the movie which goes: ‘I eat jam, and ham and Spam a lot.’

External links

• Official site (http://www.montypythonsspamalot.com/)
• Monty Python's Spamalot (http://www.ibdb.com/production.asp?id=384262) at the Internet Broadway Database
• Listing (http://www.playbill.com/events/event_detail/5263.html) and announcement of Tony nominations (http://www.playbill.com/news/article/92856.html) from Playbill
• February 2004 Press release about its Chicaco premiere (http://www.dailyllama.com/news/2004/llama232.html), from a Monty Python fan's website
• A Quest Beyond The Grail (http://theater2.nytimes.com/mem/theater/treview.html?res=9C00E5DC103CF93BA25750C0A9639C8B63), a review of Spamalot from the New York Times (registration required)

You could simply buy the album via iTunes and be a happy camper. I did. 0&0 - Sparky

BOY, ARE THE PURPLE PINUP GURU'S ARMS TIRED....

From too much astral traveling apparently. The PP Guru's feet has achieved touchdown during the late morning hours and had to quickly be whisked away and escorted to work via private limousine to catch up on his daily saintly duties at the studio.

So tomorrow, we'll try to play catch up. While the Purple Papa Guru's life was in mortal danger, some interesting events occurred while the PP Guru was busy soliciting his salicious seminars on his shooting craps skills put forth in Sin City. Should make for some interesting cyber fodder.

The PP Guru sees that while he was away, everyone was happily substituted by the versatile whacking off to the Wikipedia posting skills of Sparky, the Astral ZenPupdog.

That Venture Bros entry looks enticing. The PP Guru should try to catch up on his own blog one of these days

The postings practically writes themselves.

As phoned in via the PP Guru hotline to:

~

Coat

SPARKY:
WHAT YOU SHOULD BE WATCHING —
THE VENTURE BROTHERS!

The Venture Bros.

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

The Venture Bros. is an animated action-comedy series airing as part of Adult Swim on Cartoon Network. Airing at 12:30 a.m. e/p and 3:30 a.m. during Adult Swim's Sunday block, it chronicles the adventures of two teenage boys, their super-scientist father, and their secret-agent guardian. The show is known for its developed plots and dry sense of humor. J.G. Thirlwell of Foetus fame scores the show.

The series is a spoof of the classic Hanna-Barbera action series Jonny Quest, with the Venture brothers taking the place of Jonny and Hadji. Dr. Venture is a caricature of Dr. Benton Quest, and Brock Samson is a testosterone-loaded, excessively-violent take on Race Bannon. It has been stated by the show's creators that the show also parodies Hardy Boys mysteries and comic super heroes. Oddly enough, one episode showed that Venture Bros. takes place in the same continuity as Jonny Quest. Show creator Jackson Publick (a pseudonym for Christopher McCulloch) was one of the main writers for the Saturday morning animated show The Tick; and Ben Edlund, creator of The Tick, has co-written one episode of Venture Bros. (Another Tick connection: Patrick Warburton, who played the Tick in the short-lived live-action series, provides the voice of Brock Samson.)

Spoiler warning: Plot or ending details follow.

Characters

The Venture family

• Hank Venture (voiced by Christopher McCulloch): Teenage boy, one-half of the titular pairing. A mix between Jonny Quest and Fred of Scooby Doo fame. Tends to be more athletic than his brother. Always up for adventures and solving mysteries. Better at disguises than his brother, and can be rather naive. Prone to flights of fancy; Brock comments about him by saying, "it's like he channels dead crazy people."
• Dean Venture (Voiced by Michael Sinterniklaas): Teenage boy. Timid and selfless. The Hardy Boy to Jonny's Hadji. Always keen for adventures, but tends to flee at the first sign of bodily harm. He faints when he stands up quickly and has a weak stomach. He is slightly more rational than Hank but still thinks badguys are toted away in sleeping bags, not body bags. Dr. Venture comments about him saying he's a bit "more effeminate" than his brother.
• Dr. Thaddeus S. "Rusty" Venture (Voiced by James Urbaniak): Father of the Venture twins. A "super-scientist," like his deceased father, the famous Dr. Jonas Venture, from whom he inherited his company, Venture Industries. Despite some ability in the field of the nebulously defined "super-science," is considered a failure by several characters. Frequently swallows diet pills and despises being compared to his late father. Has archenemies in the form of The Monarch and Baron Underbheit. It has been revealed that he never finished his studies and is not technically a doctor at all. Tends to dislike his sons, it is unclear if he actually loves them. He often suffers from nightmares where he, in one way or another, does away with his twin brother while still in the womb.
• Brock Samson (Voiced by Patrick Warburton): Bodyguard of the Venture family and agent with the Office of Secret Intelligence. Has a Level Eight (8), Class A license to kill, and an amazing zeal and ability in using it. Prefers to kill with his saw-toothed Bowie knife rather than firearms, although he once used his Dodge Charger to slaughter wave after wave of Monarch Henchmen. Loyal to the Venture family, and now seems to serve as a bit of a mentor and surrogate father for the boys.
• Dr. Jonas Venture (Voiced by Paul Boocock): Deceased father of Doctor Thaddeus Venture, and was one of the foremost scientists in the world. Created what is now known as Venture Industries and led the original Team Venture. His character is based on Doc Savage.
  

Villains

• The Monarch a.k.a. The Monarch Butterfly (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Dr. Venture's nemesis, obsessed with Monarch butterflies, who raised him as a child. Longs to bring an end to Dr. Venture in as many ways as possible. Is evasive when asked why he seeks to harm Dr. Venture; it is implied that his only real reason is that he is Venture's self-proclaimed archenemy. Dr. Venture, in turn, barely seems to realize The Monarch exists most of the time. A former member of The Guild of Calamitous Intent, his base is a giant, flying cocoon.
• Monarch Henchmen (Voiced by Christopher McCulloch and others): The incompetent henchmen of The Monarch. There are many of them, with different body compositions and voices. They're all referred to by number (except for two named "Speedy" and "Tiny Joseph"). Often killed by Brock Samson. Most are disposable, but two seem to have become recurring characters: "Number Twenty-One," an obese pop-culture geek with a Star Wars fixation, and his friend "Number Twenty-Four," a tall, thin, dim-witted one. The Monarch and Dr. Girlfriend have an almost parental relationship with the henchmen, though Monarch is known to kill some of them himself on occasion.
• Dr. Girlfriend (Voiced by Doc Hammer): Sort of girlfriend to the Monarch. Previously worked for/loved the Phantom Limb, she bears a remarkable similarity to Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis. She has an unnaturally deep voice (yes, she's voiced by a man) which is also a parody of Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis' relatively low voice for a woman and her New England accent. Formerly known as Lady Au Pair and Queen Etherea. Arguably the brains behind the Monarch's operation. It was rumored that she is a transsexual. This had been dispelled as a leak revealed that Brock Sampson cut her throat at one point when she was with The Phantom Limb. The Guild saw fit to save her as per the Limb's request.
• Baron Werner Underbheit (Voiced by T. Ryder Smith): Ruler of Unterland, a militant dictatorship. Wears a prosthetic, metal jaw. Enemy of Doctor Venture, mostly due to unresolved differences from their college days together (it's Venture's fault he has a prosthetic jaw; as he says, "In my country, a lab-partnership is a sacred trust. One is always supposed to look out for one's lab-partner! Venture did not..."). Associated with The Guild of Calamitous Intent. Is a parody of Doctor Doom
• Manservant (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Baron Underbheit's long-time personal servant.
• Underbheit Henchmen (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Henchmen to Baron Underbheit. They are far more disciplined than the henchmen of The Monarch, and they take pride in the fact that at the age of thirty-eight, they are executed.
• Phantom Limb (Voiced by James Urbaniak): Villain with invisible arms and legs. Member of the Guild of Calamitous Intent. It is hinted that he and Dr. Girlfriend used to be a couple.
• Jonas Venture, Jr. (Voiced by James Urbaniak): Dr. Venture's deformed twin, who was absorbed by Rusty in the womb. Has re-awakened and been freed from Rusty's body via surgery. Desperate to claim the life that was never his, and has the body of a baby. Seems to have made peace with Dr. Venture as of the end of the first season.

Friends/allies

• H.E.L.P.eR. (Voiced by Soul-Bot): The Venture family's personal helper robot. H.E.L.P.eR. is an acronym for Humanoid Electric Lab Partner Robot. Created by Dr. Jonas Venture to look after his son Rusty, and now assists Brock in looking after Dean and Hank. Capable, but emotionally unstable.
• Doctor Byron Orpheus (Voiced by Steven Rattazzi): An expert necromancer who rents a portion of the Venture Industries grounds and is friends with Dr. Venture. Unusually capable for a Venture associate. Seeks an archenemy of his own. Bears a resemblance to Doctor Strange with a voice similar to Vincent Price.
• Triana Orpheus (Voiced by Lisa Hammer): Dr. Orpheus' Goth-punk daughter. Has hair dyed purple, and is fairly friendly with the Venture Boys. Possibly the most down-to-earth character on the show, despite her father's tendency to dramatize. Dean Venture has a crush on her, and she at least tolerates him.
• Colonel Bud Manstrong (Voiced by Terrence Fleming): Colonel on the orbiting space station, Gargantua-1.
• Lt. Anna Baldavitch (Voiced by Nina Hellman): Lieutenant under Col. Manstrong on Gargantua-1. Her face is never shown, and it is implied that she is catastrophically ugly, in stark contrast to her shapely body.
• Mr. [Peter] White (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): A genius in his field and, more notably, an albino Caucasian. Works at Conjectural Technologies. Went to college with Venture and Underbheit. A new wave metrosexual, White is a genius in genetics and cybernetics. Details explained in an upcoming comic book due for a winter release. He has a crush on Triana. Much along the lines of the novel Lolita.
• Master Billy Quizboy (Voiced by Doc Hammer): A self-proclaimed boy genius. He is primarily known for his masterwork in the prosthesis field, but also excels at most other things. Works at Conjectural Technologies. Suffers from hydrocephalus.
• Colonel Horace Gentleman (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Retired member and head leader of the original Team Venture. Walks around with a cane and has a voice similar to Sean Connery.
• The Action Man [Rodney] (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Retired member of the original Team Venture. Primarily fights with handguns and sometimes his fists. He has constant bowel movements, which never seem to sway him. Married Major Tom's widow after Tom's tragic accident.
• Otto Aquarius (Voiced by T. Ryder Smith): Retired member of the original Team Venture. Exiled son of Atlantis, he is half-human and half-Atlantean which provides him with a greatly extended life-span. Most recently, he has converted to the Jehovah's Witnesses. The only pacifist in the original Team Venture.
• Kano (Unvoiced): Retired sumo-wrestler member of the original Team Venture. Master of the Martial Arts. Communicates by way of origami.
• Race Bannon (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Agent in the Office of Secret Intelligence. Seemingly killed recovering the Goliath Serum from King Cobra's Snake-Men. Implied that he is the same Race Bannon from Jonny Quest, as his dying words to Brock Samson are "Tell Jonny I love..."

Molotov

Others

• Roy Brisby (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): Manager/CEO of Brisbyland. Crippled in an accident that occurred during the construction of Brisbyland and now confined to a wheelchair. Wishes for Dr. Venture to clone him a new body. Parody of Walt Disney.
• Professor Richard Impossible (Voiced by Stephen Colbert): Former Professor to Dr. Venture, Mr. White, and Billy Quizboy and founder of Impossible Industries, a major government contractor. A parody of Reed Richards of the Fantastic Four, an experiment with cosmic radiation gave him the ability to stretch his body like rubber, while his wife Sally, her brother Cody, and their mentally handicapped cousin, Ned, were freakishly transformed.
• Mandalay (Voiced by Charles Stewart Parnell): Roy Brisby's large bodyguard.
• Molotov Cocktease (Voiced by Mia Barron): Brock Samson's love interest. A Russian agent and a knife lover, like Brock. Unfortunately for Brock Samson, she wears a chastity belt.
• Major Tom (Voiced by James Urbaniak): A test pilot for the late Dr. Jonas Venture. Died while testing a flying saucer in the Bermuda Triangle.
• Steve Summers (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): A former astronaut. He had six million dollars spent on him to make him bionic after he almost died when his test ship broke up.
• Sasquatch (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): A.K.A. Bigfoot. Steve Summers' life partner who gave him a new hope to never go through government missions ever again.
• Tiny Attorney (Voiced by Chris McCulloch): A southern gentlemen prosecutor during the Monarch's trial and #3 on The Guild of Calamitous Intent's Most Wanted List. Abducted during the trial by the Guild's Strangers, led by the Phantom Limb.

Episodes

1-00: Pilot -- The Terrible Secret of Turtle Bay (Written by: Jackson Publick) - Dr. Venture goes to New York to show off his latest invention at a United Nations symposium. Meanwhile, his two sons decide to have an "adventure" in the Big Apple, while Brock goes off for some R&R. And then there's the issue of a ninja who seems to have an altogether unhealthy interest in Dr. Venture's newest gadget... (Note: the pilot shows the charaters in a rather different light, and is currently not scheduled as part of the show's run)

1-01: Dia de los Dangerous! (Written by: Jackson Publick) - The Venture family travels to Tijuana for a lecture given by Dr. Venture (who also meets up with a Doctor Ernesto Guevara) at the University of Mexico. The Monarch also travels to Mexico to find his long lost adoptive parents (Monarch butterflies). When The Monarch discovers the Ventures in Mexico, he wreaks havoc on them that leaves the brothers trapped in the Monarch's clutches, Dr. Venture without his kidneys and Brock...dead?

1-02: Careers in Science (Written by: Doc Hammer) - After a brief introduction to 'Gargantua 1', a space station built by Jonas Venture with his son, the Ventures travel to the station to repair an unknown 'problem' (as is indicated by a red 'problem' light). The boys are told stories of a phantom by Bud Manstrong, while Venture sets out to fix whatever the problem is. H.E.L.P.eR. is accidentally knocked into a laundry chute and covered in rags, and beaten by the boys (thinking he is the phantom). Brock, meanwhile, is making the moves on Manstrong's love and apparently ugly partner Anna Baldavitch (whose face is never seen) after being nearly sucked out (indeed, he was actually in space itself) of the shuttle, which infuriates Manstrong to no end-despite him doing absolutely nothing to move the relationship on, even though he and Baldavitch seem to be the only two regulars on board. Venture eventually needs repairs made to the ship outside, and Brock and Manstrong go out to repair it, but Manstrong accidentally infuriates Brock by merely touching him and is beaten to near-death. Dr. Venture all this time has been having feelings of inadequacy and having hallucinations of his father with the ship as a catalyst. After arguing with the memory of his father, who insists HE didn't make the problem, Dr. Venture finds in the wiring one of his old, melted cowboy figures from decades ago-he had indeed been the reason there was a problem! With Manstrong being toyed with by Baldavitch as he hangs outside in space without feeling in the right side of his body, the boys and Brock reunite with Dr. Venture, who slips out of his spacesuit which he had urinated in earlier-but the urine begins to drip onto the controls, causing the problem light to light up again...

1-03: Home Insecurity (Written by: Jackson Publick) - As Brock leaves for his sabbatical in the woods, Dr. Venture invents a robot named G.U.A.R.D.O. and builds a panic room that will protect the family in Brock's absence. The robot is completed, but Venture sleeps before loading the friendly file software. The simultaneous attacks of The Monarch and Baron Underbheit test both security measures, as the robot cannot recognize the Venture family. While the Monarch's henchmen bicker with Underbheit’s henchmen over who gets dibs on Venture's defeat, Monarch and Underbheit try to come to an agreement. Meanwhile, Brock befriends the strangest couple in the woods. H.E.L.P.eR runs away in a fit of jealousy upon discovering Dr. Venture's plans for the G.U.A.R.D.O. robot.

1-04: The Incredible Mr. Brisby (Written by: Jackson Publick) - Dr. Venture is hired at Roy Brisby's theme park, on the charge of cloning a new body for Brisby, who suffered a stroke while under a ride that went awry. He refuses, and is bagged by Brisby's "com-panda", Lili ("won from David Bowie in a trivia contest"), while Brock is drugged. The boys, meanwhile, annoyed at not being able to go to the theme park, are kidnapped by the Orange County Liberation Front, who wishes to destroy Brisby's empire and reclaim the county's small-town charm. Brock wakes up to find himself under the care of his old flame Molotov Cocktease, and after a brief and...exciting...reunion the two head to Brisbyland. Venture is meanwhile drugged himself into telling how to clone a body but thanks to the diet pills he reguarly consumes is babbling nonsense. Eventually havoc reigns at the headquarters Dr. Venture and Brisby are stationed at as the OCLF attack and Brock and Molotov come to complete their objectives. Venture and the boys are saved by Brock amidst the chaos, and Brisby, who is attempting to escape with Lili, finds Cocktease blocking his escape. Eventually it is learned that Cocktease is returning the panda...to Bowie.

1-05: Eeney, Meeney, Miney... Magic! (Written by: Doc Hammer) - Dr. Venture's latest invention has the family interested, not to mention trapped! Their new neighbor, the strange Dr. Orpheus, may be the only one who can help them escape. Meanwhile, Dean falls for Orpheus's daughter while Brock falls for his old flame: Molotov Cocktease.

1-06: Ghosts of the Sargasso (Written by: Doc Hammer and Jackson Publick) - Doctor Venture, short on money, searches for a lost flying saucer lying underwater in the Bermuda Triangle that his father had created, but didn't patent, because he scrapped the concept after a test pilot by the title of Major Tom died flying it. The opening shot of the show almost quotes David Bowie's songs Space Oddity and Ashes To Ashes word for word. Dr. Venture's disrespect for the dead arises Major Tom from the dead to haunt the Venture's ship. Meanwhile, a pirate ship ambushes Venture's ship, the X-2.

1-07: Ice Station Impossible (Written by: Jackson Publick) - Doctor Venture, Mr. White and Master Billy get a job working for Professor Impossible, a master genius, as a "think tank" for Impossible Industries, which is a research facility, often used by the government, for things that are thought of as impossible. Meanwhile, when a government agent, none other than Jonny Quest bodyguard Race Bannon, tries to steal an illegal serum from a terrorist group while on an airplane, the serum accidentally gets knocked out of his hands and lands on Hank Venture, miles below, on the ground. The container breaks, and some of the serum infects Hank. The serum, known as the Goliath Serum, was made by Richard Impossible during the Vietnam War; it leaves Hank with less than a day before he becomes a human bomb. It is up to the new "think tank" at Impossible Industries to help save him.

1-08: Mid-Life Chrysalis (Written by: Jackson Publick & Doc Hammer) - The Monarch sends Dr. Girlfriend undercover in order to seduce Dr. Venture and inject him with a body-altering serum. Meanwhile, Brock becomes depressed over the expiration of his license to kill, but the brothers help him cram for his government exam. Dr. Venture would later ask H.E.L.P.E.R to kill him giving a a reference to the movie The Fly (http://imdb.com/title/tt0091064/).

1-09: Are You There God? It's Me, Dean (Written by: Doc Hammer) - As The Monarch tortures the Venture family above the Amazon River, Dean Venture suddenly comes down with a slight case of acute testicular torsion. According to an addendum to Article 47 of The Unusual Torture Act (a.k.a. "Rusty's Law") created by The Guild of Calamitous Intent in 1969, The Monarch has to let them go for two days or until Dean is fully cured. The Monarch keeps Brock Samson and Hank Venture as collateral until then. Master Billy and Dr. White are hired to heal Dean. Meanwhile, Brock helps The Monarch celebrate his birthday by overtaking his Lair.

Dr. Venture mimes testicular palpation as performed by a doddering old robot with cold steel claws (H.e.L.P.E.R.).

1-10: Tag Sale, You're It! (Written by: Doc Hammer) - Once again short on money, Dr. Venture unloads some of his father's inventions in a yard sale that attracts scientists and villains alike. Meanwhile, the Monarch tries to resist the temptation of wreaking havoc while inside "the belly of the beast".

1-11: Past Tense (Written by: Jackson Publick) - Attending a funeral for a former college buddy named Mike Sorayama who died, Dr. Venture, Brock Samson, Baron Underbheit and Mr. White get gassed and sent to a chamber via Mike's coffin. The Venture brothers get the original Team Venture to help them find their father and bodyguard. The kidnapper of the four was who appeared to be Mike Sorayama. The original Team Venture broke into Sorayama's prison and beats up Sorayama's helper robots, Lesliebots, who look like Sorayama's one love, Leslie Cohen. Brock escapes from the chamber and beats up the original Team Venture, who dressed into the Lesliebots' outfits for disguise. It turned out that the Mike Sorayama who was torturing them was actually a robot made by the dead Mike Sorayama.

1-12: Trial of the Monarch (Written by: Doc Hammer) - One of The Monarch's henchmen makes a biography of The Monarch. The Monarch discovers the book and says is full of lies and it starts an argument with Dr. Girlfriend about her photos in the book with other men. In a state of furor he calls her a whore and drives Dr. Girlfriend out of his cocoon lair and his life. She winds up at The Phantom Limb's house after walking around in the rain. When the Monarch comes searching for Dr. Girlfriend, The Phantom Limb decides to set up The Monarch for a crime that he did not commit and calls the police (who are in the Guild's pocket). During the trial, mind-reading Dr. Orpheus finds out that The Monarch is innocent. The Phantom Limb then orders members of The Guild to freeze everyone in the courtroom and put a level three-memory wipe on them. The real plan of the Phantom Limb and the Guild is revealed when Guild operatives capture the prosecutor, Tiny Attorney (who is a parody of Total Recall's mutant leader Kuato). Once everyone is unfrozen and Dr. Orpheus mentally swayed, he declares The Monarch guilty. Orpheus's words ring so loudly that the court finds The Monarch guilty, too.

1-13: Return to Spider-Skull Island (Written by: Jackson Publick & Doc Hammer) - Dr. Venture's recurring womb nightmares turn out to be something far more sinister--he has a twin brother who was engulfed by him when both were fetuses, and, having been taken out during surgery, wants vengeance! Jonas Jr. secretly outfits himself in a robot body, knocks Brock out and ties him to his car, leaving him free to hunt down Dr. Venture. Meanwhile, Hank and Dean run off over their mistaken belief that their father is pregnant and are taken into the Monarch's 'scared straight' program for wannabe super-villains, with Dr. Orpheus trailing them, attempting to keep them out of trouble. The Monarch talks the boys into going back to their old life. Brock, meanwhile, has H.E.L.P.eR. drive the car over to Dr. Venture, who finally seems to be getting his from Jonas Jr. (who claims the Venture empire is rightfully his). The car smashes into Jonas Jr. and knocks him out of his body, revealing he has the body of an infant. Dr. Venture keeps Brock from killing his twin and the two basically agree to negotiate a peace. Dr. Orpheus conveniently comes by at that point, telling of what happened to the boys. Soon all seems well, as Brock, Jonas Jr., Dr. Orpheus, and Dr. Venture trail behind the boys in their hoverbikes. The Monarch's two henchmen meanwhile come by and ask if they can find both a hair parlor and ammo for a gun, but the fat henchman, showing off the gun, accidentally shoots Hank and Dean and kills them.¹ This is the series' first season finale.

This is a spoof of the shocking ending of the movie Easy Rider wherein the two young protagonists are shot off their motorbikes by two rednecks in a pickup truck.

Special: A Very Venture Christmas (Written by: Christopher McCulloch) - A Christmas Special in which Dr. Venture throws a party for many of his friends (mostly all of the characters from previous episodes, such as the Original Team Venture, Steve Sommers and his Sasquatch, etc.), but the party goes awry when Dean and Hank accidentally release Krampus from Dr. Orpheus's spell book. Chaos and abuse (mostly toward Dr. Venture) ensue. Meanwhile, The Monarch has hatched yet another plan to kill Dr. Venture, this time, involving a nativity scene booby-trapped with C4 explosive. The events in this episode take place after "Ice Station Impossible" but before "The Trial of the Monarch".

Home Releases

Warner Home Video and Adult Swim may release the first season on DVD by the end of 2005.

External links

• The Official Venture Brothers Website (http://venturebros.com/)
• Jackson Publick's Venture Bros. Livejournal (http://www.livejournal.com/users/jacksonpublick/)
• Adult Swim - Venture Bros. Website (http://www.adultswim.com/shows/venturebros/index.html)
• Scrotal Safety Commission (http://www.scrotalsafetycommission.com/)(A Satirical Site on Testicular Torsion)