The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Heh, Damn Some Xtians
Are Sure Touchy - Look It's Pat!

Sparky's uncle Arthur took the Vatican to task about the Holocaust and its' long silence. It seems to have rankled old Holocaust denier Pat Buchanon.

Pat is such a tool of the so-called anti-everyone Hate Groups that follow in his wake - it's just so sad. It's beyond explanation at this point.

His Anti-Semitic Statements:
  1. Buchanan knows his words, and even his most outrageous statements always fall just short of blatantly going over the line. But one group always seems to bother him -- Jews.
  2. Anti-Semitism isn't cut or dried: Lots of Americans grew up hearing anti-Jewish slurs, and many keep some of that with them. William Safire (Buchanan's colleague on the Nixon speechwriting team) put it this way: Buchanan is an extremist whose anti-Semitism would rank at level four or five -- on a scale that has Adolf Hitler at 10 and Black Muslim leader Rev. Louis Farrakhan as a seven.
  3. When he attacks the Supreme Court, he always names "Ruth (pause) Bader (pause) Ginsburg", though she is the newest and least influential member. When he attacks Wall Street investment firms, he always names Goldman Sachs, the only major Jewish-run firm in a WASP dominated industry.
  4. He described Congress as "Israeli-occupied territory", and opposed the Gulf War by saying only "the Israeli Defense Ministry and its amen corner in the United States" wanted to fight Saddam Hussein. (Which was crazy, apart from any Jewish angle. Desert Storm was one of the most popular wars in U.S. history.)
  5. And Brock Meeks, reporter for Hotwired, broke the story that Buchanan included in his official World Wide Web page an article claiming that Hillary Clinton is a spy for Israel. After ABC News ran the story, the Buchanan campaign pulled the article off their site. You can see the article, exactly as it appeared on Pat's web site, by clicking here.
  6. Buchanan also seems to relish Catholic vs. Jewish antagonism, one part of pre-Vatican II Catholicism that most Catholics don't miss. During the controversy over a proposed Carmelite convent at Auschwitz, Buchanan wrote some of his most frightening words:
  7. "If U.S. Jewry takes the clucking appeasement of the Catholic cardinalate as indicative of our submission, it is mistaken. When Cardinal O'Connor of New York seeks to soothe the always irate Elie Wiesel by reassuring him, 'there are many Catholics who are's deep within them,' when he declares this 'is not a fight between Catholics and Jews,' he speaks for himself. Be not afraid, Your Eminence; just step aside, there are bishops and priests ready to assume role of defender of the faith."
  8. Appeasement means trying to stall an attacker by making concessions -- what attacks were Catholic groups "appeasing"? What did Pat think the faith should be defended against? The only issue was that Jewish groups thought it disrespectful to build a convent right next to a major Holocaust death camp. The man clearly has a king-sized chip on his shoulder.
  9. Then, of course, there is Buchanan's defense of Nazis, his praise for Hitler,, and his Holocaust revisionism.
  10. It isn't a statement here or there that reveals Buchanan's fixation with Jews -- it's the consistent theme of it that appears in his statements over the years. Even William F. Buckley reluctantly concluded that Buchanan was an anti-Semite after carefully reviewing dozens of his statements about Jews in a very long National Review article. And John Muravchik, a scholar at the American Enterprise Institute, concluded a similar review in Commentary Magazine by saying that "Taken cumulatively, Buchanan's rhetoric about Jews pretty clearly betrays an underlying sense of grievance or irritation."
• References:
• Praise for Hitler source
• Holocaust and Historical Revisionism sources
  • "Ivan The Terrible -- More Doubts?", Pat Buchanan, New York Post, March 17, 1990
  • "Denying the Holocaust", Deborah Lipstadt, ISBN 0-452-27274-2, p 5-6, p 26, p 238 notes 13 & 14
  • "The Heresies of Pat Buchanan", Jacob Weisberg, The New Republic, October 22, 1990 p26-27
  • Jamie McCarthy, USENET, April 8, 1995
  • "Buchanan on Trial", Joshua Muravchik (letter), National Review, November 29, 1993 p2
  • "The Demanjuk fallout" (editorial response to above letter), National Review, November 29, 1993 p18
  • "Patrick J. Buchanan and the Jews", Joshua Muravchik, Commentary, January 1991 p35-36
  • "The Beltway Populist", Jonathan Alter, Newsweek, March 4, 1996 p26
Next we'll look at the "Christian Blue Yonder" ala Jonathan Chait's recent editorial in the Los Angeles Times.
- Sparky o&o

Friday, May 20, 2005


Remember one time last year, the PP Guru's secret alter ego, Cary Coatney was bragging on and on about collaborating with fellow Deposit Man penciler and inker Larry Nadolsky on a possible spin-off series featuring supporting character Betty Fusco as a secret agent for the powers that be in the afterlife? We both figured on that this would be a shoo-in for Heavy Metal magazine The PP Guru was even going to give her angel wings and arm her with super duper secret agent gadgets based on religious artifacts and poke fun at theological happy horseshit themes and current events going on in the news media.

So the PP Guru sat down and wrote a script for four pages for Larry to pencil and paint. The script took stabs at Howard Dean and was a sort of parody on Doctor Octopus's appearance in the Spider-Man 2 film. the PP Guru even went as far as to give Betty a little tentacle tickle up the ol' choochie and had serious wardrobe malfunctions happen through out the short tale.

It took only the PP Guru only two days to hammer out a script one weekend. It was the easiest thing that he ever wrote - considering that he can't even get the nerve to send in a Batman story proposal to the kind folks at DC (It's been sitting in the drawer and has been tweaked on for like, eight years now).

The Betty Fusco spin-off had to be a unmitigated success. The PP Guru was sure that it would be a done deal.

So Larry completed it and sent it in along with some new tales of his Canadian Space Mountie, Race Yukon. Larry had a four pager published last year in the magazine featuring his character.

And so we waited for Kevin Eastman and co. had to say (Larry's translation):

Sorry Charlie.

What? But why?

Simple - not enough tits and monsters. Kids love tits and monsters and your story didn't have enough of either.


Well, the sixteen and seventeen year olds who skim through the mag during summer recesses. That's a target audience

You gotta be shittin' the PP Guru. Seriously.

So, as Larry doesn't mean to discourage, why don't you go back and write a four page Deposit Man story for Heavy Metal?

What? How can the PP Guru possibly do that- unless Kevin changes the magazine's unwritten slogan to More Cocks and Monsters- the PP Guru doesn't think their subscriber base is going to do a gender overhaul anytime soon.

So the best compromise would be to have a tale with Betty Fusco teaming up with Race Yukon.

An idea begins to formulate.

As told to:




Frank Gorshin, 'TV Batman' Riddler, Dies at 72: The PP Guru was dismayed to hear about Frank Gorshin, who passed away from complications due to emphysema and pneumonia - no doubt through the intravenous injection of 20 plus cancer sticks a day- just a few days ago in Burbank.

The PP Guru euphorically remembers those silver age innocent days when nothing else mattered to a three year old than tuning into ABC's Batman tv series twice a week back in 1966 or 1968 and be affixated to Gorshin's guest turns as the Riddler.

Ever since, the Riddler has been one of the PP Guru's favorite bat baddies. Gorshin's mirthful and hypertensioned performance has always been cemented in nostalgia overindulgence and the PP Guru has got his magic wand fingers crossed for the day when 20th Century Fox will come to some rational compromise to release these campy gems on to DVD (You can find the original 1966 theatrical film on DVD with optional commentary provided by the bat team of Adam West & Burt Ward who just gush over Gorshin's talents). Gorshin was also a emmy winner for his guest star appearance on the PP Guru's favorite all time Star Trek episode, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield".

"Commissioner Bele" in the ST:TOS episode: "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield"

Even though Gorshin was immensely a talented impressionist both on screen and in sell outs throughout Las Vegas (where the PP Guru is headed next Memorial Day weekend for some much needed R & R) the PP Guru has got to come clean and tell you guys - this guy smoked like a goddamn chimney.

The PP Guru remembers a encounter a few years back at Bruce Schwartz's Comic Book and Science Fiction Show that's usually holding court at the Shrine Auditorium every month or so in downtown Los Angeles where Gorshin was seated behind a table signing autographs. Frank had a steady flow of fans coming over to greet him, not a line going around the block mind you, but he wasn't doing too shabby. The PP Guru non-chalantly noticed while he was standing in line to get free movie passes (IPPGRC- the first Matrix movie) that everytime that Frank hurried along to sign his name, Frank would dart underneath the table and snap back quickly as if he didn't want people to notice something. As the PP Guru got nearer to recieve his pass- he got closer to Frank's table as well and noticed that on a empty chair besides him - he had three lit Winston cigarettes dangling on the edge of the chair and had to keep pausing to take a puff and blow the smoke off the balcony behind him.

So in conclusion, the PP Guru is not really surprised that Frank shifted off our regular plane of existence due to excessive cigarette smoking.

What did surprise the PP Guru was Frank wasn't that old of a guy - only 72.

What really freaks the PP Guru out is that Frank's soul departs at the same weekend that that awful show, that awful animated abortion called THE BATMAN is premiering the very first episode featuring their design of the Riddler this Saturday morning at 9:30 AM Pacific and 10:30 Eastern (voiced by Robert Englund). Coincidentally, a upcoming unaired episode features Gorshin's voice as Dr. Hugo Strange on that show.

Poorly timed PR on the Kids WB's Part so sayeth the PP Guru.

On a happier Cartoon Network note, the Cartoon Network resumes with first run second season episodes of the more excellent and satisifying Justice League Unlimited tomorrow night at 9:00 PM. Tape it if you have to go out on a date, get plastered or get laid.

~ Coat

Sparky adds:
In 1953, three years after Al Jolson had started the ball rolling, a young Frank Gorshin served in the Special Services, where he helped entertain troups engaged in the Korean War. After that initiation by fire, he became well known as an actor with a wide range, including uncanny impressions of popular stars.

Hear part of his routine (In REALPlayer) - I always found his take on Kirk Douglas fascinating as a young child - amazed at how talented a mimic he was. Ah well. Remember - SMOKING IS BAD AS WELL AS “TEH STUPID!!”

Thursday, May 19, 2005


For this week only, the PP Guru is proud to present two of his wishful dreaming feminine disciples still firmly locked away within the dark confines of his self -gratificating mind. Time has come again to whip out that bus pass of tensegrity and wait patiently until the swelling beneath those stiff robes ebbs and flows into the atom particles of the sweet oblivion of forgetfulness. The PP Guru may have to send his astral ass packing for a family outing next week- so that's the main reason why you're getting the double booty feature today.

Now that the PP Guru has eased slowly off from his futon throne and is cognizant once again in the real of the unreal, he wants to share his mindmelding deep thoughts with his fellow acolytes . He wants to channel to all......

Deep thoughts of some cueball oral action.

The first time the PP Guru laid eyes on some exclusive European photos of Natalie Portman with her fellow castmates from the new Star Wars film, The PP Guru had originally mistaken Natalie for Sinead O'Connor. The PP Guru had figured that the leading master laureate of blockbuster filmmaking, George Lucas was going to back to the drawing board of a whole new THX-1138 movie (aren't these things supposed to work as trilogies these days?) and had cast Sinead in the LUH 3417 role as originally played by Maggie McOmie (her first and only role?).

So the reports of Natalie shaving off her brown tresses in Berlin have not been grossily exaggerated. She has definitely gone in for the seude look of which the PP Guru is sure that has no doubt by now spread a large epidemic of limp penises across the world for the one-time Oscar nominated actress. But all is not for naught- Natalie has shed the bulk of her DNA for the studio of which the PP Guru is employed through for the role of Evey Hammond in the Wachowski Brothers adaptation of Alan Moore's V for Vendetta. The title role of V will be played by Hugo Weaving. I'm sure the WACH Bros would've asked Keanu Reeves to do it- but the PP Guru surmises that Keanu is currently too busy breathing life into the new Constantine franchise, of which the second film should be tentatively titled: Hellbound, to even spare the time.

Now the panting question remains for Natalie: Is she shaved all over?

Hmmm- the PP Guru would definitely like to know the answer to this perplexing riddle. Could waking up early on a Sunday morning to get in line to see the Kevin Smith film, Revenge of the Shits mayhaps provide a clue?

Oh wait, that isn't Kevin's new movie I'm getting in line for?

Now the PP Guru's next contestant in his peyote self-pleasuring tripping dreamscape is none other than Kylie Minogue:

The hottest woman in this mortal plane of existence. The PP Guru has practically pitched a full size carnival in his robes by the mere sight of this sirenesque creature. The most surprising thing in the PP Guru's implanted repertoire of drooling sights and sounds is that he has never ever sat down and listened to any of her records, seen her videos, or let alone can't even pronounce her last name. All the PP Guru knows that every time he sees this perfected combination of Australian ass and thighs on a album cover at his local Tower Records store, he leaves a slimy moist trail right out the nearest exit doors....usually under the auspices of store security, that is.

Well it is with regret that news has travelled about the fate of Kylie breasts. Both of Kylie's girls have been diagnosed with the relatively AOR age of 36 (the PP Guru had a recent slang breakdown the other day. The PP Guru never knew that woman are fond of calling their mamories - girls. It would make sense since the PP Guru has been known to call his testicles - the little boys' club) That's awful news even though the PP Guru is a professed ass and leg man- he does hope that Kylie pulls through this awful ordeal and gets back on those sexy feet of hers and wows the entire world on her tippy toes.

According to Kylie's website , She has suggested that instead well-wishers might like to make a small donation to the charities fighting Breast Cancer.

As told to: ~ Coat

Wednesday, May 18, 2005

DIE HARD 5/17/05

Perhaps the PP Guru admits to indulging into too much leisurely activities - but let no one said that he doesn't let his coach potato antics go astray. He can make good use of lying around like a lethargic piece of horse apple and recommend some of what fine works of media culture are there these days to inspire one's demented mind.

Puppets gone amok.

Team America is certainly not for everyone, but the PP Guru couldn't pass up the chance to not go willingly to his grave without seeing the very first puppet golden shower ever to be captured in the annals of cinematic glory just as much as he waits in panting anticipation to find out how Darth Vader is transformed into the asthmatic dastardly fiend that we all know and love today. Unfortunely, this is only available on the unrated version. None can forget North Korean dictator Kim Jong II, the film's scene-stealing villain, who stops the show with it's ought to be a hit on Broadway, "I'm Ronely." Reminding all that Matt and Trey are the best makers of musicals out there today.

North Korea's President for Life Li'l Kim Jong II

Great piece of ass-kicking satire.

Extras include deleted scenes and outakes, puppets tests, minature pyrotechnics and up close and personal with Kim Jong-II- plus a whole lot more. Hey, it's something to pass away a lonely and acid rainy afternoon.

Also worth mentioning: Six Feet Under Season 3.

~ Coat
Sparky adds: It's good fun inspired by the SUPERMARIONATION of Gerry Anderson — especially his big hit: The Thunderbirds. Sadly the live action version was lacking a bit. If you're babysitting or need a laugh - the below is also worth renting. Cary is of course far too young to remember the goodness of "The Thunderbirds" — the original TV show from England so here is a couple of stray images:

I'm ready to force feed Cary the two movies from the 1960s. Heh heh.

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Bush's Secret Way to War

This Sick Puppy Has To Be Angry At
The Children Of The Boomer Generation
Who Did Their Duty In Viet Nam —
Nothing Else Makes Any Sense

“... Of course truth, as the master propagandist said, is "unimportant and entirely subordinate to tactics and psychology." He of course would have instantly grasped the psychological tactic embodied in that White House ceremony, which was one more effort to reassure Americans that the war the administration launched against Iraq has been a success and was worth fighting. That barely four Americans in ten are still willing to believe this suggests that as time goes on and the gap grows between what Americans see and what they are told, membership in the "reality-based community" may grow along with it. We will see. Still, for those interested in the question of how our leaders persuaded the country to become embroiled in a counterinsurgency war in Iraq, the Downing Street memorandum offers one more confirmation of the truth. For those, that is, who want to hear.

Poppy Evil and Baby Evil
"... stupidity is not the same as a lack of intelligence...'It's a quality all its own. It's unwitting self-destruction, the ability to act against one's best wishes...It's a typical human talent." -Matthijs van Boxsel THE ENCYCLOPEDIA OF STUPIDITY

Bush Junta II's Puppet Head Boy King IDed as having ADHD
  1. I find my mind wandering from tasks that are uninteresting or difficult
  2. I say things without thinking and later regret having said them."
  3. I make quick decisions without thinking enough about their possible bad results
  4. I have a quick temper, a short fuse
  5. I have trouble planning in what order to do a series of tasks or activities
  6. "In group activities it is hard for me to wait my turn."
  7. I usually work on more than one project at a time, and fail to finish many of them."
Obvious Idiocy:
"One cannot imagine F.D.R., before declaring war on Japan, or even Ronald Reagan before Grenada, pumping a fist and saying of himself, "Feel good" — as President Bush did before he announced the beginning of the Iraq war." --Susan Faludi

"The [BBC live] footage was the most disturbing thing on television in some time. There was US President George W Bush, being prepped for his televised declaration of war. It was not the combing of his hair, the only aspect of the coverage reported by any American media outlet (the Washington Post in this case), which was cause for embarrassment; everyone expects that. Rather, it was the demeanour — I would say antics — of the president himself.
"Bush, the so-called leader of the free world, was sitting behind his desk going over his speech, as we would expect. But then it got weird. I felt like I was looking behind the curtain, and it was uglier than I ever imagined.
"Like some class clown trying to get attention from the back of the room, he started mugging for his handlers. His eyes darted back and forth impishly as he cracked faces at others around him. He pumped a fist and self-consciously muttered, "feel good," which was interestingly sanitised into the more mature and assertive, "I'm feeling good" by the same Washington Post.
"He was goofing around, and there's only one way to interpret that kind of behaviour just seconds before announcing war on Iraq: the man is an idiot." Kevin Lowe

Russ Rymer: ... In the Bush administration "the negation of truth is so systematic. Dishonest accounting, willful scientific illiteracy, bowdlerized federal fact sheets, payola paid to putative journalists, 'news' networks run by right-wing apparatchiks, think tanks devoted to propaganda rather than thought, the purging of intelligence gatherers and experts throughout the bureaucracy whose findings might refute the party line -- this is the machinery of mendacity...The point here is not the hypocrisy involved, though that is egregious. The point is the downgrading of truth and honesty from principles with universal meaning to partisan weapons to be sheathed or drawn as necessary. No wonder the Bush administration feels no compunction to honor the truth or seek it; it conceives truth as a tactic, valuable only insofar as it is useful against one's enemies."...

Taking a breather - o&o Sparky

This afternoon, The PP Guru had received some alarming news in his P.O. Box 10368, Burbank, CA 91510-0368 that is specifically set up for all his Landescape Productions business and bribe in bulk mailing needs. The official letter from the San Diego Comic Con International has informed the PP Guru that he will need to sit this year's convention out - in other words- The PP Guru has been rejected for all his valiant efforts on the new Deposit Man & The Last Great Gate of Mortality Act III book.

The PP Guru doesn't understand why his book is constantly being ostracized by convention beauty contest weenie committee judges and demented major distributors such as Diamond Comics and, er, Diamond. What is there to hate about his book? I mean, Mike Hersh puts out worse stuff than he does.

Well, what is there to really love, for that matter?

Is it the content? Is it Larry Nadolsky's art? Or, is it- oh, the deity of your choose forbid - the undimished auteur writing abilities of author Cary Coatney? Afraid the general public can't handle the sociopathic savvy controversial topics such, abortion and domestic violence that has to be fully comprehended with both a heavy hearted understanding and wretched stomach?

Or is it because the main character is (gasp!) who wouldn't hesitate for anything, not even the dark looming clouds of Ragnarok hanging over his head to have him drop to his knees and suckle the devilish honeydew out of the Pope John's dangling nutsac?

What the fuck are the real reasons behind this barrage of pink slips?

Can someone write in and tell the PP Guru.... where this conspiracy has originated from?

Well, no matter, 'cause the PP Guru had gotten got a better offer from a esteemed colleague who understands where his passions truly comes from and has offered me sanctuary in the form of .... sharing table space with her.


That's right. The Deposit Man & Mother Grim are combining forces this year. So evil -doers of the afterlife beware - you better have your tenant leases up to date....'cause we'll be in San Diego in time to banish some serious ass..

Meanwhile at the Cary Coatney clubhouse, work is comencing on the Deposit Man: Playgod mini-series - where he is steadily and slowly emerging from his writing block meltdown while new cover artist, Kori Thompson works frantically in the gloomy hours of the twilight hours to appease all you good little Deposit girls and boy with a new look and image that will desperately win all your approval.

~ Coat

Sunday, May 15, 2005

Free Frosty Weekend!

Corporates at Wendy's estimate that they will be giving away 14 million free small cups of Frosties this weekend in hopes to lure customers back to the chain after the Chillifinger incident was exposed as a fraud.

The company's stock had been down $1.39 for the past few weeks. They're trying to win back trust of their customer base. Their shill:

Wendy's is giving away free, cool and creamy Jr. Frostys. Icy-cold, chocolaty refreshment, absolutely Free. No coupon needed. No purchase necessary. Just come in and say "Free Frosty!" A "please" would be nice, but not required either. Available in the US, its territories and select international markets (does not include Canada). At participating Wendy's while supplies last. Limit one per customer. Friday, May 13th through Sunday, May 15th.
The nightmare has seen sales plunge 20 percent to 50 percent in the San Francisco Bay Area and about 2 percent across all Wendy's restaurants since the finger was found. As Wendy's is a corporation with annual sales of over $3 billion, that's real money
The actual owner of the finger may turn out to be a Nevada industrailist who had lost a finger in a accident and may be a acquiantance of the woman who planted the finger in a San Jose restaurant.

Anna Ayala appears in court on April 26.
Anna Ayala appears in court on April 26: Police: Wendy's chili finger identified.

But we all know who the missing digit may belong to:

Her digit was last seen falling through a sewer grating at the garage just below the House of Wax.

At least we're not seeing Hilton's boobs in 3D ala the original film.