The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Friday, May 06, 2005

Sparky Gives A Shout Out
For Kids Of All Ages!
Tomorrow - It's Free Comic
Book Day In The Valley Of Death!

EARTH-2 Comics & Collectibleshas been buying and selling Comic Books, Action Figures, Trade Paperbacks, Graphic Novels, Trading Cards, Memorabilia and Collectibles for over 20 years. Ask for Carr or Jud. If you're in the Valley - head here. It's Free Comic Book Day elsewhere as well but the above was a shout out for my homies ...

Saturday MAY 7TH — FREE Comics All Day Long! — 11am-7pm
Special Guests Including: TODD NAUCK (artist: TEEN TITANS GO! and WILDGUARD)
and other WARNER BROS. ANIMATORS (The Batman, Justice League Unlimited. Teen Titans)

Saturday, May 7 is Free Comic Book Day. The annual event is the perfect opportunity to introduce your friends and family to the many worlds of wonder available at your local comic book store. From superheroes to slice-of-life to action/adventure and beyond, Free Comic Book Day has a comic book for everyone!

Comic books began as a unique American art form that has grown – like so many American forms of entertainment – to spread around the globe. From Japanese businessmen reading manga on the subways of Tokyo to French artists re-interpreting Proust with words and pictures, comics have changed entertainment and challenged perceptions. These days, there are comic books for every taste, from slam-bang super-hero adventures to quiet slice-of-life to thrilling science fiction to intense drama. If it's been a while since you've read a comic book, prepare to be pleasantly surprised by the breadth of variety available!

On Free Comic Book Day, Saturday, May 7, 2005, comic book creators from a variety of publishers will make special appearances at comic book stores. It's a great opportunity to meet the people who make the comics you love - or discover just how accessible comics creators are compared to many other mediums. These are the Free Comic Book Day Giveaways. The Gold level sponsors include Archie Comics, Beckett Comics, Bongo Comics, Dark Horse Comics, DC Comics, Devil's Due, Gemstone Publishing, Image Comics, Impact Books, and Marvel Comics, while the Silver level sponsors featured are Adhouse Books, Alternative Comics, Arcana Studios, Caption Box, Comics Festival, Drawn + Quarterly, Fanagraphics, GT Labs, Heroic Publishing, Jetpack Press, Keenspot, Oni Press, Renaissance Press, Serve Man Press, Sky-Dog Press, Top Shelf Prodcutions, and Wizard. The official FCBD website has a list of stores hosting signings in addition offering free comics. Visit Creator Signings for more information!

— Sparky

Thursday, May 05, 2005


It's no secret that the PP Guru worships the gine-gines of the token Hollywood elite- the talented gine-gines of the female persuasion, that is- but there are just some gine-gines that cannot be comprehended.

And Paris Hilton is one of those major un-talented gine-gines he refers to.

The PP Guru is perplexed with all the attention and allure that this skinny blond pile of chickenbones gets in the media every single day.

So what if she's a famous heiress of some big wig hotel moguls? BFD!!! The PP Guru has never been a patron of that particular brand of hotels anyway- so does that earn her a free ride to the top of the movie biz rollercoaster and to walk away with a top billing on a movie poster? People strive almost their entire lives going to schools and doing acting workshops and some don't ever emerge from these small dinky rat-infested theaters where they start their first gig at because of some emasculated blonde WHO CUTS IN THE FRONT OF THE LINE OF EVERYONE ELSE BECAUSE YOU GET TO USE YOUR MOMMY AND DADDY'S MONEY TO BUY YOU YOUR TALENT YOU WHINING - SOON - TO - BE - USED - UP BITCH!! You are not an actress- DO YOU HEAR ME? YOU...ARE....NOT...AN ACTRESSSSSSSS!!

And that goes to all you dumb ass athletes, too. You're not fucking actors- you're goddamn football players who slide their hands inbetween another guy's legs to pat one's scrotum. Tthere's really no need to expand your horizons.

So when the PP Guru heard from a reliable source that Paris Hilton was going to make a surprise guest appearance at a 'junket' in support of her debut in the remake of Roger Corman's HOUSE OF WAX down at his employer's Ranch Facility - The PP Guru had hightail it down to investigate.

He had to see the myth and legend for himself...

And you wouldn't believe what The PP Guru was led to discover -

It appears that Ms. Hilton suffers through a chronic bout of deal of Acromegaly - an growth hormonal enlargement of feet and hands which is rumored to have been transmitted to her by porno partner, Rick Salomen.

So this hotel heiress/ actress/porno star/singer wannabe is simply allowed to frat around Tinseltown with an incurable diease? Hasn't the movie community suffer enough as it is? Porno stars have to enture STDs pap smears everyday-and she just skates through with barely a Massengill whistle. That's just too much for the PP Guru to settle in the pit of his appendicitis in this Pepto Bismo diarrhea free flowing society of fakes and flakes.

If you can believe it, there's even a blog dedicated to Paris's mutant-sized mitts that even makes Hank McCoy's hands look Palmotive soft.

Unfortunely, the PP Guru had just narrowly just missed the Paris Hilton cash and dash appearance, but luckily he brought down his foresnics kit and was able to make a quick analysis of his evidential findings of what DNA traces she left behind:

There's no doubt in anyone's mind that those hoofs could be big enough to jack off a thoroughbred.

And so in conclusion, We all must work together in humankind to devise an antedote for her ailment before it's too late and then, by any means possible find some charge to incarcerate her for daring to apply a trade that she has no right to apply without the proper training and skill. She will make my employer lose a shitload of money and the PP Guru takes it personally when things at his favorite movie studio in the whole wide world blow up around him.

But perhaps she can save us all:

If saving Keifer Sutherland week after week wasn't enough as it is.

~ Coat
Sparky says:

One has to assume this reaches beyond the wonderful San Fernando Valley AKA ''The Valley of Death'' ... So let us highlight GT Labs!

The good stuff
GT Labs' Brainier Comic Books

Jim Ottaviani wrote Sparky and asked:

Do you like getting great comics, for free? If so, you'll want to visit your local comic book store for Free Comic Book Day this weekend, and if you're in the Twin Cities or Motor City area, you can meet the creators at the "Brains Across the Midwest" appearances.

On Saturday, May 7, hundreds of comic book specialty stores are offering great comics, for free, including a preview of the new graphic novel from G.T. Labs:

Bone Sharps, Cowboys, and Thunder Lizards:
Edwin Drinker Cope, Othniel Charles Marsh,
and the Gilded Age of Paleontology

The full sub-title gives you a taste of what you'll see in the book...

Guest Starring The World-Renowned Artist Charles R. Knight, Chief Red Cloud & Hundreds of His Indian Braves, the Gun-Totin' & Gamblin' Professor John Bell Hatcher, Colossal & Stupefying Dinosauria of the New World, and Featuring Special Appearances by The Cardiff Giant, P.T. Barnum, Buffalo Bill Cody, Ulysses S. Grant, Alexander Graham Bell, and A Plentiful Supporting Cast of Rogues & Gallants from The Eastern Scientific Establishment and The Old West.

That's probably more then enough to whet your appetite for this amazing tale, so be sure to find a participating store using the handy Participating Shop Locator and head on out to grab a copy while supplies last.


Just look at the lovely cover!

Big Time Attic
(Zander Cannon, Kevin Cannon, and Shad Petoskey) will appear to sign the book and talk about it at Big Brain Comics in Minneapolis, MN at 1027 Washington Ave S.; 612-338-4390.

Jim Ottaviani will do similar sorts of things at Green Brain Comics in Dearborn, MI at 13210 Michigan Ave.; 313-582-9444 from noon-4pm.

Above is a sample page.

So please stop by -- they'll look forward to seeing you there!

Tomorrow - I'll write about a different creator - Sparky
Rambling on the Left Coast
Among the True Blue ...

what the Puppet missed
Bush Never Banged These Bunnies
As he Chickened Out of Nam With Poppy's Help

Pensive Jon
Jon Stewart's Brainiest Blogger on the attack: onegoodmove:The George & Laura Show:

“ ... Laura's well-written script included several shots of risque material. After revealing that come nine o'clock at night, "Mr. Excitement is sound asleep, and I'm watching Desperate Housewives," she added, "If those women think they're desperate, they ought to be with George." She then joked that she, Lynne Cheney, and Condoleezza Rice had hit Chippendale's late one night. And moments later -- after referring to Barbara Bush as Don Corleone and joking about her husband's aversion to reading -- she made fun of her number-one cowboy for knowing little of the ways of ranch life when they bought the spread in Crawford, Texas. Such a greenhorn was George, she explained, "he tried to milk the horse. What's more -- it was a male horse." ... Al Franken and Bill Maher were complaining that they could not have gotten away with that horse joke. ”

Laura Said He Milked A Horse For Its' Jism

What's funny and fucking scary is the Bush Junta II's cheating boy king puppet head will be viewed as one of a great and courageous presidents. The GOP are actually salivating that in decades to come, he'll be remembered favorably, if not fondly akin to Ronnie Reagan.

Ron P Reagan
I know that Ron Reagan Jr. is on record for saying "Dad's turds are bigger than George W. Bush!"

Thing is we expect a son to stand up for his father regardless of facts that highlight the man's banal evil nature.

Would it not be funny to see "W" equated to a crummy turncoat rapist like Ron Reagan? Rather than forever being the guy who listened to a pet goat story while America burned — behaviour that's at least as un-presidential as screaming exuberantly in the face of defeat in the primaries.

for May day
That "Cuba has the cleanest and most
educated prostitutes in the world" is
sadly a lie ...

Today's Bush Lie

"[Castro] welcomes sex tourism," Bush told a room of law enforcement officials in Florida, according to the Los Angeles Times. "Here's how he bragged about the industry," Bush said. "This is his quote: 'Cuba has the cleanest and most educated prostitutes in the world.'"

"As it turns out, Bush had lifted that quotation not from an actual Castro speech but rather from a 2001 essay written by then Dartmouth University undergraduate Charles Trumbull. In the essay, Trumbull did appear to quote a Castro speech about prostitution. Sadly, the student made the quotation up.

"According to officials, the actual quotation from Castro's 1992 speech reads as follows: 'There are hookers, but prostitution is not allowed in our country. There are no women forced to sell themselves to a man, to a foreigner, to a tourist. Those who do so do it on their own, voluntarily. We can say that they are highly educated hookers and quite healthy, because we are the country with the lowest number of AIDS cases.'"

"...And this isn't the first time the Internet has baffled Bush. Back in 2003, the President cited another student's thesis when making a case to go to war. The student's [plagiarized and "sexed up"] work ended up in a government document describing Iraq's weapons capability. Not exactly the kind of hard intelligence needed to justify an attack on another country." The Register, 07.28.04

The Pope and his lookalike ... just in fucking time for the 60th Anniversary of the Shoah Remembrance ...
- Sparky

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

What Interests Sparky
May Interest You!

Sparky is a tad more travelled than Coat and offers some diversions:

In the mood for some Alex Toth like work? There's Rob Hanes Detective which is a comic book series people need to read more.

 Full color cover for ROB HANES ADVENTURES #7
Full color cover for ROB HANES ADVENTURES #7, Art copyright by Randy Reynaldo

A new issue of ROB HANES ADVENTURES is now available! Read as Rob tries his hand at a “cozy” as a "Great Detective!"

And the Anime series Master Keaton:
Sparky the bandwidth thief

From a popular manga series which was serialized in Big Comic Spirits from the late 80's to early 90's punning "Buster Keaton" - He's is Half Japanese and half English. An archaeologist with dreams of his own Troy, a detective not unlike Sherlock Holmes, who is an Oxford graduate and former SAS staff sergeant.

Demand Samurai Champloo!

The Cowboy Bebop team strike gold again. Buy this now!

Lastly UK readers may find this of interest:
Sandra & John sent us METAPHROG UPDATES!

An exhibition of original pages of art, comics and graphic novel work by Scotland based creators spanning from Electric Soup, including work by Shug, Dave Alexander, and early rarely seen Frank Quitely work; up until contemporary work by The Freedom Collective, Ben Simpson, the Northern Lightz team and Franco-Scottish duo metaphrog.

Underground and adult comic content plus gallery, shop and archive library, opening event will see writer Grant Morrison on the decks.

6th May to 2nd June.
DGP Studio and Space, 32 St Andrews Street in Glasgow's Saltmarket, UK.

Opening hours: 9am - 5pm weekdays - 12noon - 6pm on Saturday.

Private view: 7pm - 9pm Thursday the 5th of May
More than mere Sherman Oaks I say!

Sparky from Happy Ninja Isle!

Sparky says hating politicos is good - people for being total fuckheads needs more explanation ...
The face of the Disco Clock King:
This is your face on too much ass -cid

It's been nearly over a month since the PP Guru had vanquished one of his long time foes - Georgie-Girl Cocksuctoupis 'aka' “The Disco Clock King” and he hasn't really had the time to reflect on the nasty flashbacks.

For nearly four years, the PP Guru has had to endure his nefarious constant ribbing and his inane ability to mimic a parrot that would say nothing but 4 limited word and phrases in a Brooklyn accent like some stupid organ grinder's pet monkey . Words like "yeah", "is that what you think?" "huh?" or "yeah, chicken bake" were heard constantly day in and day out like the hourly insanity of a koo koo clock. And last, but not least, he had this vicarious ability to recite birthdays and anniversaries, not just with the people he worked with, mind you, but their friends and family members- and he would keep them tacked up to his wall in his cubicle!! This would literally freak people on the job and some would attest that the creepy movie that Robin Williams did a few years back called "One Hour Photo" was a loose biography based on The Disco Clock King's antics

And everything he had to do, he had to do it in such a anal retentive manner. That meant every break and lunch had to be taken at the precise moment, right... At the end of the work-day, he had to clear up his desk at a certain time. He had to apply lotion to his hands at the same time as he did the day before. HE had to be at the time clock a certain time, so that HE would be the first to punch out and be on the highway to get home to do guru knows whatever it was that was so bloody important to do. That is why the PP Guru feels he had earned the mission code-word: " The Disco Clock King" because in addition to having to standing around and having to do everything to pinpoint accuracy - he was a tremendous David Bowie fan and held a grudge to the PP Guru's lack of interest in the lastest CD that the Thin White Duke had put out. The Disco Clock King wanted to burn a copy for the PP Guru- but the PP Guru flatly refused- because the PP Guru doesn't support ....entertainment piracy. And if the PP Guru had agreed to receive such contraband - he would have been totally dissatisfied with the product because it wouldn't have contained all the album liner notes and lyrics- but the PP Guru did settle for a burnt copy of a old Scary Monsters CD because the PP Guru left that in the nest that he was once occupied in New Jersey and hadn't heard it in twenty plus years.

But it's not proper for the PP Guru to act as a hypocrite on his own blog.

Let's get back to my nemesis' debased list of atrocities, shall we?

The Disco Clock King also had this annoying habit of pulling the PP Guru aside every so often and inquired about his fornicating activities from the previous evenings before (if any- The PP Guru has been know on occasion to fall into bouts of funked out celibracy) . If the PP Guru was out on his way in a hurry to meet a date somewhere or was out of the town for a week that required lodgings- the Disco Clock King always had to weigh in on the gossip.

The Disco Clock King would also be going around vocalizing his carnal desires of what he thought of his fellow co-workers, even as to go so far as to recite jokes and stories of a copulating nature- despite the fact that the PP Guru and the rest in his department each had to attend sexual harrassment seminars.

But- he did happen to tell The PP Guru one of the most funniest jokes that he had ever heard and it's had to block out of his head....

It goes a little like this.....

A young Polish couple are driving through Central Park and they pull over close to Strawberry Fields someplace to do a little hanky-panky.

The young tactile Polish guy is getting it all hot and heavy with his Polish honey in the back seat. He's kissing her all over- his hands groping her fine ample breasts stored beneath the veil of a NYU sweatshirt. She moans and is almost passionate to the point of no-return until she bursts out yelling - "Oh, oh, yes baby, baby- kiss me where it smells !!!

The young Polish guy, all a- panting pauses under hyperventilated raspy breathing and asks his studious voluptuous campanion, 'are you sure you want me to do that to you?'

'Oh yes, yes, yes....You must do it quick You must....KISS ME WHERE IT SMELLS!!"

The Polish lad shrugs his shoulders with a bewildered look and revs up the car engine ...

...and drives out to New Jersey.

Yeah, that was a real groin puller to the PP Guru, but you know what they say...
you can't make up for all your past mistakes. From there, The Disco Clock King dealt several treacherous blows to members on his team especially when it came to reporting certain questionable activities he had bore witness to our big boss, KATHY THE GREAT. And then the E-mails would swope like riddled rapid AK-47 gunfire to all our Outlook mail boxes calling for the scruntization of any leisurely activities such as taking 2 hour lunches, discussing current events of what you've seen on television and radio ( which is a odd rule when working for a entertainment company), and reading e-mails for a considerable length of time-

What a fucking wanker... What are we back in the fucking third grade?

What really irks the PP Guru is that he once viewed his arch-enemy as man of honor and integrity...for the PP Guru had retained in his memory banks that the Disco Clock King was a actor in his youth and was familiar with his work on a show in the mid-eighties called the Equalizer as some penny ante - informant to Edward Woodward.

The PP Guru assumes that acting wasn't the Disco Clock King aspiring vocation- if you sit down and figure out why his nemesis fifteen years behind a desk crunching numbers and keeping journals of a major entertainment institution other than making the real big bucks producing and acting in front of the camera for them.

So the scourge had became nothing more than a tattletale to make up for his short comings....

So he would whine endlessly about how his life had amounted to nothing after putting in his fifteen years. He's admitted to winning lotteries and bragged about getting a new car - but he had nothing concrete to show for it. No chicks. No family- No fucking life and that he was a closet homosexual .

Frankly, the PP Guru and his breathren didn't want hear his funky shit so, the Disco Clock King boasted of put in his papers when his pension starts to kicking in (which would have been in another nine months)- but didn't want to training the PP Guru to learn one of his jobs in the eventuality that he did bolt- The PP Guru felt he had to expand his horizons in some capactiy and didn't want to wind up in a rut and when he asked the Disco Clock King for guidence - he told the PP Guru vigorously to go fuck himself.

The PP Guru doesn't take that kind of shit from anyone- so he went to his supervisors and asked if he could be trained on one the Disco Clock King's jobs- one that didn't require security clearance to get access.

But nonetheless the Disco Clock King got wind of what the PP Guru was up to and then without warning, he threw in the towel and left with only nine months away from collecting his retirement benefits. Didn't say a word to anyone. KATHY the GREAT had to break the news to us in a meeting held in her office.

Can you beat that?

This story is FAR from over. It gets EVEN weirder.

~ Coat

Monday, May 02, 2005


Last Friday when the PP Guru had announced the names of the winners, he advertingly listed Michael Noble as from being Eureka, Ca. Well let's not say that the PP Guru hasn't made his share of acrimonious blunders- some even leading right up to world wide catastrophe or on a lightier shade, castration for those in third-world countries.

But the PP Guru is a generous guru and can be a exalted enough to admit that he has made a mistake- Michael Noble resides in Arcadia, CA and not in Eureka, CA like he mistaken put on the teletype last Friday.

Hell, the PP Guru has never been a few feet outside the boundries of Sherman Oaks, Ca let alone find himself in a cool sportscar swerving erractically along residential streets & slinging Molotov cocktails through a blockful of Christian Science Room windows in some Right Wing nut town called Eureka where fruits who constantly speak in tongues go to get themselves baptized in Boones Farm wine.

Now how in the hell would the PP Guru know something like that?

The PP Guru just makes asumptions that he knows everything that is essential to your everyday survival and let's leave it at that- ' k? Wisdom and enlightment are nothing but a crapshoot, and I'm here to make sure you roll snakeyes every time.

Another error that the PP Guru made on the e-mail itself was that he posted the wrong address for this site. This page is called and NOT - you click on the latter- you wind transported to the goddamn negative zone. The PP Guru has just got to learn to lay off the Cyanide Frost flavored Gatorade when he sits down on his cottage cheese ass to compose these minuend masterpieces.

Back to our regularly scheduled mayhem and mentoring tomorrow.