The Purple Pinup Guru Platform

When purple things are pulsating on your mind, I'm the one whose clock you want to clean. Aiding is Sparky, the Astral Plane Zen Pup Dog from his mountain stronghold on the Northernmost Island of the Happy Ninja Island chain, this blog will also act as a journal to my wacky antics at an entertainment company and the progress of my self published comic book, The Deposit Man which only appears when I damn well feel like it. Real Soon Now.

Monday, February 06, 2006

Guru Gets Gone

In lieu of Sparky's investigation into Russian Bride Scams - The PP Guru has yet to tell the tale of how he almost got taken in- but the PP Guru didn't read all those issues of Detective Comics all for naught when he was a PP Guru little tyke. He picked up a skill or two in dark night deduction himself when he smells a whiff of an estranged twat hair or two that didn't get it's fair share of dishwashing doucheing. Even his psychosomatic *ahem* film star neighbor is a better two timing hustler than what the PP Guru almost got taken for in this cyber fraudulant escapade.
We will be using evidence of several e-mailed clues to dissemble the ruse, so to speak. So pay close attention.
To begin with, The PP Guru was elated at first when he heard that his now faithless companion, Irina, supposedly from Volgograd (formely the town known as Stalingrad) wanted to venture out of her newly freed communist confines and come out to America. She told the PP Guru via e-mail correspondence that she was saving up money for a Visa to come out to America and she would just love to be the PP Guru's houseguest.
As a deterrent, the PP Guru also has his mind on other things, he can multi-task two polar opposite thoughts of unrequited love and devotion and still think of horror and sci-fi fantasy films at the same time.
Because the PP Guru is just a geek that way.
One particular movie, the PP Guru has seen maybe a trailer for a handful of times has piqued his interest big time- and it's just a good old fashioned coinwinkydink that it's a three and a half hour movie of good vs evil equipped with Russian subtitles. Incidently it will be opening next weekend in the Los Angeles area (the PP Guru has a date already lined up to accompany him to the movie — so lay off with the lonely hearts club snub, if that's ok with you.) and it's called the Night Watch.

Here's what their official website has to describe the movie.
"For as long as humanity has existed, there have been "Others" among us; Witches, Vampires and Shape-Shifters who are soldiers in the eternal war between Light and Dark. Light Others protect mankind from Dark Others, who plague and torture humans.
Over 1000-years ago a truce was struck between Gesser, Lord of the Light, and Zavulon, General of Darkness. They agreed that no one could be forced to good or evil, people must choose freely for themselves. To uphold this truce, each side established underground forces; the soldiers of the Light would be called Night Watch, making sure Dark Others obeyed the truce. And the soldiers of Darkness would be called Day Watch, to do the same.
Ancient prophecy foretells that one day the Great One will arrive who can end the threat of an apocalyptic battle between Light and Dark Others. That day has come, and the Great One, once he or she is identified, must choose whether to destroy the light within or battle the surrounding darkness. This choice will reveal mankind's destiny.
1992:Anton Gordesky, a broken-hearted man, desperate to win back his fiancée, seeks out the black magic services of a witch. This Dark Other, about to use her magic for evil, is arrested by the Night Watch moments before for completing her spell. The cataclysmic event awakens Anton to discover that he is an Other. Now he must choose whether to become a protector of light or warrior of darkness.
Today:Somewhere on the streets of Moscow the "Great One" wanders, oblivious to his or her powers. Anton, along with his Night Watch team, race to find and protect the Great One from Zavulon and his Day Watch vampires who seek to plunge the world into darkness. Whoever reaches the Great One first will hold the balance of power in their hands and control the fate of humanity.
NIGHT WATCH (NOCHNOI DOZOR) is the first installment of a trilogy based on the best-selling Russian sci-fi novels of Sergei Lukyanenko (which also includes Day Watch and Dusk Watch). This visionary horror fantasy film features a dazzling mix of mind-blowing effects, adrenaline-fuelled action and suspenseful terror.
NIGHT WATCH (NOCHNOI DOZOR) was an instant smash hit in its native Russia when it was released in July 2004 shattering all previous box office records. Made for a mere $4 million, the film surpassed both LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING and SPIDER-MAN 2 at the Russian box office. Internationally acclaimed, it was also Russia's contender for the 2004 foreign language Oscar® award.

So the PP Guru happened to bring up it in one of his many numerous e-mail correspondances to which Irina replied:
January 24, 2006
"I never saw movie called the Night Watch, I do not think that it movie released out here."
And then she went to ramble about more about our fabled first meeting:
"Today I speculate about you and about me. It so is surprising. As a matter of fact we live on the different sides of our planet, but we are so similar. I never was even outside of my country. To travel outside the seas and oceans for me in general outside a reality. I cannot imagine it as though I not tried. And always, as likely many people Never seeing anything except for native house, I console myself by thought, that you have the same blue sky and the same life. Maybe life behind ocean is more cheerful and rich, paints are brighter and the summer is warmer.But also as here, people cry when they feel a pain, people suffer when lose close people, women in torments give birth to children. It is identical everywhere. You and I have the same cares and problems. Everyday I try to imagine that occurs in your heart, do you worry or not, do you think of me or not, do you imagine us together or not?
It is so unusual to me, and in same time I feel so conveniently as ifI know you the whole eternity. And I am sure that it not accidentally. And it is not important what waits for me in the nearest future, I know that I already have found a remarkable, kind and good man and possible the future husband. And if I will see him, if I meet him and I can look in his eyes,I can tell to him everything what I cannot tell in letters, I will be madly happy. Now, today, this minute not important, where will bring me this way. I know that it is true road. I live not by the future, - I live today, and exactly today I live by bright and happy life."

And thus, it begins here where she sets up the PP Guru for the Big Fat Borsch Kill (with apologies to Frank Miller):

"Today is a very important day. I worry very much. Today I got a invitation on the conversation with the commission which deals with giving visas. It is the most important in the process of getting visa. The commission will make a final decision after the conversation - to give me visa or not. The conversation is very difficult but I am prepared. This is a difficult test which I have to go through. But I am ready. I want to meet you very much and my desire will help me. Where there is a will there is a way. Children from orphanages where I help already for several years, together with tutors have written letters for the commission to support of me, the petition and the characteristic. It will help me when the commission will make a decision. I am sure that all will be OK. I hope you will pray for me? (Smile)."

Then the next day:
"I never thought that the commission will ask such unusual questions. They asked about my sexual life, they asked about children, about work, about patriotism, about my attitude to America, about my conversance and awareness of events which happened in the world and in America, about my religion and belief. I have told about all my life in detail. I spoke about everything fairly how it is really. To me have told that my answers are unexpected and as a rule applicants do not answer such questions so directly and openly. They have not got used to hear such answers, but they said that to hear sincere and truthful answers is much more pleasant than words which come not from heart and reason. Children from the orphanages also have made the big impression and rendered the big influence on the commission. To me have told that I the first lady who have such support from children - orphans. Now I should wait the decision. Now I agree with expression: "Expectation of death is worse than the death " (the PP Guru is going to have to look that one up in his book of famous quotations - the one that he is about to pull out of his ass )I cannot concentrate on anything. My heart so worry, I can't work. They have told that the decision will be accepted tomorrow or the day after tomorrow."

February 1, 2006
I really heard about Russian movie "The Night Watch", this rather popular movie in Russia, but I yet had no chance to look him.
There is a fine news to me and to you - I have received the visa. I send you it. I shall have also vacation on February, 9. Today I went to the company which reserves airway tickets. I askedt hem how I can reach Las Vegas (LAS) and how much it costs. They answered me that the ticket costs $ 870 USD. I asked them to find cheaper tickets, because this price is expensive for me. They answered that they had a cheaper ticket but the beginning of the flight 11-February-06. It costs $ 798 USD. I asked them to reserve a ticket. But they refused, because they have a lot of clients at this time and they can't reserve my ticket without advance payment. I spoke with them for a long time and asked to reserve the ticket for me without advance payment but they didn't agree. Then I wondered if it is possible to pay a part of the money now and the other part later. They didn't agree. I spoke with them for a long time and I managed to persuade them. They agreed. We agreed that I would pay a part of the price today and the other part later. I paid $ 474 USD. But it was little for an initial payment. Then I went to the pawnshop and pawned my and Nelli's silver and gold jewelry for $ 86 USD. It was my last money. The number of the flight on which I reserved the ticket is Aeroflot-Russian Airlines 315. The time of departure from Moscow is 1:30 pm. The time of arrival in Las Vegas (LAS) is 10:39 pm. I will change a plan in New York (JFK), number of the flight Song 2061. After this I will fly to Las Vegas (LAS), to you Cary. It is very difficult for me to tell you about it. But I have done everything that I could. I paid visa. I paid a part of the ticket. But this money is not enough. I didn't want to burden you. I wanted to reach you with my own money but unfortunately I failed. Now I have to pay the remaining part. It is only $ 238 USD. I have to pay this money 3-February-06 morning. Otherwise I will lose my money and ornaments. If you need me, if you trust me and if you want to see me, please, send the money for the ticket before 3-February-06 morning. I understand that it is a difficult decision for you, but we must trust each other. Any union without trust is impossible if it is a union of wife and husband or union of boy-friend and girl-friend or union of business partners. I don't want to be hypocritical. That's why I want to tell you following: I do not think that you would like to give the love to the woman whom you won't trust. Also I would not like to give my love to the man which I won't trust. It's a first check for us. And much depends upon it, may be everything. We must trust each other. That's why I was the first who made the first step. Step to you. Of course if you don't want, you can not help me. It is bad but not fatal. I will lose my money. IT IS BAD TOO BUT NOT FATAL TOO. I paid $ 335 USD for making visa, and I paid a part of the ticket- $ 560 USD. It is big money for me, but I TOLD YOU ALREADY THAT MONEY IS NOT THE MAIN THING IN THE LIFE. But I trust you, and I know that YOU ARE A MAN OF HONOUR AND YOU ARE A GENTLEMAN. I don't want you top doubt in my honesty and that's why I am sending you the view of my visa. If you can help me I send you my coordinates. I give you necessary elements for sending money with the help of Western Union: BIN BANK LENINA PROSPEKT, 10 VOLGOGRAD, 400131 phone (7) (8442) 386489 for Irina Lobanova. To get the money, I should tell to employee of bank your full name,full address, exact sum which I should receive and some confidential numbers (Money Transfer Control Number), which will give you, when you will send the money. Please forgive to me all my words. I speak so because I am in despair and confusion. Now, when only one step is separated us, I am afraid. I am afraid that you will not help, and all my diligence will have no use. I need you and I want to be with you and the word of honor, your help is necessary for me. I have not calculated my forces. But together we are much stronger. We will pass through difficulties and barrier, it is much easier to do it together. I want to present you all my infinite love and fidelity. I understand that it is the big money for you. I did not want to ask you. I thought that I can make all itself. The loneliness has made me strong. I have got used to live without help, and to rely only on myself. I ask somebody for help very seldom, but now I ask you to help me. I have made a step forward. Make your step towards me. I hope that I have not offended you something. I need you and I trust you. I know, that you will not throw me now when there is only one step between us. I am waiting for your reply.
Kiss you. Your Irina.
Okay - fellow guru and guruettes - what is wrong with the above letter - what is the defining clue that lead the PP Guru to come to the headlong conclusion that something was not distilled and left rotting away like left over Russian salad dressing left congealing in Anna Kounikova's vodka drenched sweaty panties?
Well there are a couple of things - but the most obvious thing is - when the PP Guru asked her about the movie the Night Watch - at first she replied she never heard of it, but over the weekend when the PP Guru was elated to learn that it was finally opening in America - she tells the PP Guru that she heard that it is the most popular movie ever shown in Russia.

Huh? Also, scroll down to the visa photo at the bottom . C'mon folks, is that the same woman that we've seen in previous entries? A little long in the Siberian tiger tooth, wouldn't you say?

exhibit one
exhibit two
Also compare the picture of Irina in the office - the one where she is blond and the one where she is posing in front of the computer where she is a burnette. It's not even the same office!!!
The PP Guru took the advice of one of his readers, Larry, The Gun Enthusiast and to make sure he fired off a courteous letter of inquiry to the American Embassy in Moscow, even though Irina asked the PP Guru for a small pittance of $238.00, probably $ 238.00 he rather lose at the craps table if Irina had decided to pay her entire way over - but the PP Guru, after being shanghaied by his *ahem* film star neighbor in carnal affairs of the heart wasn't going to be taken in twice by the wiles of female money grubbing persuasion :


I've been carrying a pen pal relationship with a Irina Lobanova from Stalingrad for the past two months. She told me today that she recieved her Visa and wants to come to visit me in Las Vegas on February 11th. I'm looking to see if her visa is legitimate or not because she asked me for a loan of $238.00 because she is short on purchasing the ticket. These are the contents on the passport of this photo she e-mailed to me:
So far, the airline flights check out ok.
Passport # 412411256

Issuing post name: Moscow

Surname: Lobanova

Given Name: Irina

Entries: 1

Issue Date: 01FEB2006

Sex F

BirthDate June 22, 1977

Expiration Date: July 31, 2006

Control Number: 20068948764912

Visa R

Type Class: B1/B2

Nationality: Rus

Number on bottom: 412411256RUS770622F0602011B310058EF4C4510324
Any verification to whether this is legitmate or not would be very much appreciated.

Thank you,

The Purple Pinup Guru
To less than six hours reply - just as the PP Guru was almost going to hit the send button to hell on go ahead and open an account with Western Union .com website. The embassy replied:

Dear Sir,

The visa information you included is fraudulent, and we have no record of anyone by that name applying for a U.S. visa.

It appears that you have been targeted by a very common Russian Internet scam being used to defraud American men. The perpetrators usually mislead the victim about travel expenses that do not exist and/or they inflate the cost of expenses that do exist. They lure the American in with e-mails, pictures, phone calls, fake visas, and even e-mails from fake travel agencies in an attempt to prove their good intentions. I encourage you to visit our website at which provides detailed answers to frequently asked questions regarding internet dating scams.

Since we are a diplomatic mission and not a law enforcement mission, you will need to go through the appropriate law enforcement channels should you find you have been defrauded. I suggest that you contact your local police authorities or your local FBI office. Please feel free to visit the Internet Fraud Complaint Center hosted by the FBI at in order to file a complaint.

We hope this information is helpful,

Consular Fraud Prevention Unit
Moscow, Russia

And you sir, save a spectacular whopping $ 238.00.
Not only was the PP Guru almost fooled - but both Sparky and the PP Guru's one time editor on the Deposit Man, Rebecca Robbins were also convinced the PP Guru had nearly acquired total unionship nirvana with a girl that looked almost promising- even Sparky went on to say that the PP Guru should be waiting at McCarran's airport for her with a big box of chocolate; but alas the quest ever lingers and of course here at the Platform we are taking in more applications for faithless companions who can scam with the best of them to grift up our naive asses.

So go ahead, Send in your photo and a brief description of your con to:
Landescape Productions
c/o The PP Guru
P.O. Box 10368
Burbank, Ca 91505-0368

<>Only cute pixie looking women with magnificent boobies and clean shaved crotches from ages 18 - 45 need only apply.

This is the break up for real to the:



Night Watch

Directed byTimur Bekmambetov
Produced byKonstantin Ernst
Anatoli Maksimov
Written bySergei Lukyanenko (novel),
Timur Bekmambetov (screenplay)
StarringKonstantin Khabensky
Mariya Poroshina
Distributed byGemini Film
Fox Searchlight Pictures
Released2004 (Rus)
October 11, 2005 (Aus)
February 17, 2006 (USA)
Running time115 min.

IMDb profile

Night Watch (Russian: ?????? ????? [Nochnoy Dozor]) is a 2004 film. It was based on the novel of the same name and is the first part of a trilogy. The second part, Day Watch, marketed as "the first film of the year", opened in theatres across Russia on January 1, 2006.

Plot summary

Among normal humans live the "Others" possessing various supernatural powers. They are divided up into the forces of light and the forces of dark, who signed a truce several centuries ago to end a devastating battle. Ever since, the forces of light govern the day while the night belongs to their dark opponents. In modern day Moscow the dark Others actually roam the night as vampires and other evil nightmares, while a "Night Watch" of light forces, among them Anton, a sort of seer and the movie's protagonist, try to control them and limit their outrages.

About The Film

Konstantin Khabensky, one of the most popular Russian actors, was cast as the chief protagonist, Anton Gorodetsky

Konstantin Khabensky, one of the most popular Russian actors, was cast as the chief protagonist, Anton Gorodetsky

The film was the first high-budget Russian sci-fi film and one of the few blockbusters made after the collapse of the Soviet Union film industry. The film was produced by ORT, the largest Russian government channel, with a budget of US$5 million. On, July 8, 2004 it was released in theatres, and later on DVD. The film followed on the popularity of the book to become extremely successful, becoming the highest-grossing Russian release of all time, amounting $16.7 million only in Russia. It made more money in Russia than "The Lord of the Rings". A TV series and the third movie sequel are currently in production.

The film proved successful enough to attract attention of 20th Century Fox, which offered to finance the third installment of the movie trilogy. In addition, it bought US distribution rights for the movie and all its sequels.

The success of the 2004 film very loosely based on this novel has caused much comment in the west. In Spain (the first distribution outside CIS) it made $2,6 million. It has been already released in Germany, Great Britain and Israel. The film grossed more than $10 million in Western Europe already, where it was shown to generally positive reviews. Its subtitles were touted as revolutionary, "appearing in odd places around the screen, and often animated to emphasise or complement the action." [1] The DVD will be released in the UK on 24 April 2006.

Book vs. film

Tiger Cub

Tiger Cub
The Bear

The Bear

Although the movie had one of the biggest budgets in the history of Russian filmmaking, there were still restraints on its content, especially given the length of the original three-hundred page, three-part book. Some of the changes made were small and insignificant; others significantly altered the nature of the plot.

Major differences

  • In the movie, the use of spells, power amulets and shape-shifting was significantly diminished compared to the book. The Gloom, which was an important background element in the book, was barely used (and badly explained) in the movie. The book deals with the technique of entering the Gloom by raising your shadow, the different levels within it, etc. The movie's director explained that he never liked magic, so all magical aspects were severely downplayed (which raises the question why that director was hired to do a fantasy movie in the first place.)
  • Unsurprisingly, while the movie is an action-packed thriller-fest, the book is much more thoughtful. It's much more focused on the moral ambiguities the Night Watch is forced to face in a situation where it cannot openly oppose the Dark and are forced to run intrigues which could hurt its own members.
  • In the movie, each Other joins either the Light or the Dark through a free choice. In the book, it's more a matter of how you're feeling when you first enter the Gloom. If you are happy and well disposed to the rest of the world, you are a Light one. If not, you're of the Dark. The way you go into the Gloom is who you are.
  • The opening scene of the movie wasn't in the book, nor was it ever mentioned or alluded to.
  • In the movie, Anton Gorodetskiy visited a witch in hopes that she would use magic to get his wife back. In the book, this incident took place in the beginning of Day Watch, the second installment of the trilogy, and also the witch's customer was not Anton, but a woman called Natasha who wanted to get her husband back.
  • In the movie, a passenger plane threatened to crash into a residential neighborhood due to the large Dark Vortex formed around Svetlana. In the book, the incident took place two years earlier. The plane actually wound up crashing into the neighborhood thanks to (as Anton put it) a "bureaucratic loophole". In the book, the Dark Vortex formed around Svetlana threatened to cause a disaster of nuclear proportions unless it could be "defused" in forty-eight hours.
  • In the movie, Yegor is Anton's son. In the book, they aren't related. (Sergei Lukyanenko explained that this change was a result of a "glitch" in the script)
  • In the movie, Yegor is the Great One whose coming was foretold, who will shift the balance of the final battle between Light and Dark. In the book, there is no such prophecy and the boy has mediocre potential. He's just a pawn the Dark put into the game to distract Anton from Svetlana, the true focus of the struggle, who really does have incredible powers.
  • In the movie, Alyssa showed Yegor and Anton that back in 1991, Anton was willing to kill Yegor (who was an unborn child at the time). This effectively led Yegor to choose the Dark. In the book, Alyssa forced Anton to tell Yegor the whole truth. This forced Anton to reveal that Yegor was manipulated by the Light Others for the sake of the greater good. Yegor leaves the roof, disgusted with both the Light and the Dark. For the moment, his future is uncertain (though events in the other two parts of the book show that he will eventually turn to the Dark).

International poster of Night Watch
See also

Official Sites

DVD Cover

DVD Cover
Fan Sites External links

Sparky and the wife hate films like this - ugh!
Scary not!