OF TITS AND MONSTERS

ITEM! Okay, so I'm back from APE. Although not very profitable, but still a good time was had. Met a few people that talk to me online through the Skate Jesus forum including the great gazoo himself, Dan Evans who moderates the board. Some of the other members who also self publish comic books like me were all placed in my immediate area. Harris O' Malley who runs Studio Underhill had his table right next to mine. and Varmint Press' Jim Massay was stationed directly across from me. We were all hatching a plan for my resurrection on the board- maybe hold a seance or something of that nature. Other Delphi alumni such as Janet Harvey, Charlie Chu and Sam Humphries were actually sad to see me go.

Like I mentioned in the last paragraph about not raking in the dough even as I was selling a good number of the first two Deposit Man books at a buck a piece, my new one just fizzled- even as I knocked off fifty cents off the cover price- but I guess the general populace is not interested in plucking down two bits and a half for something they know a little about. I'll tell you one thing- it's gets easier day by day to explain the concept over and over to people. And usually that's what lures them in- when they are in agreement that it is a unique concept pertaining to a super charged being going around saving Heaven all the time. People loved to come up to ask me about it; one guy even asked me what distributor was carrying it. Well, currently it's being carried by FM Distribution out of Madison, Wisconsin and over at the show I was trying to pawn it off to both Last Gasp and Cold Cut Distribution of which both operate out of the Bay City Area - but this guy was particularly affixated on why it wasn't being carried by Diamond Comic Distributors and I told him why. Diamond in my opinion represents what is facist-ionable in comics, nothing more but teeny tiny gremlins dressed in gustapo uniforms dictating what the comic book industry is obligated to sell. They already rejected my first full length books, but my lousy first drawn piece of shit, the 'pilot episode' of Deposit Man sold a modest sum of copies back in 1999. But the kid simply said, that I should re-submit the new one and see what the results would be. And then, he left me his card. What a coin winky dink, the card said Diamond Distributors.

Wow moving on up. Another wacky incident that happened was that some 'hollywood scout' tried to bum a copy off of me- (even the ones that i had priced for dollar) because he was too cheap to cough a dollar. He then said the key phrase of the day- ' I'm looking for properties which automatically throws up the red flag incentive to take a two by four to his face. That's the wrong thing to say to my face while I'm working a show. Some of the people from my Hollywood hometown are just plain vultures. However, I do know the guy's name and he just happens to have written some books for both DC and Marvel - but hands down, I think it was a inappropiate way for a professional to make a introduction to another professional.

ITEM! It's finally arrived! Larry's pencils for the next Deposit Man book arrived while I was out in Frisco. That took me an arm and leg to achieve. Can't wait for the others to see it.

More ITEMS Tomorrow. I'm too bushed to carry one.

~

Coat

CURTAIN CALL

(yet another edition of HALF-ASS! )

I'm reprinting my final Skate Jesus post as I commence with the unpacking from my last weekend's APE antics.

Well another day, another epic achievement completed (in my estimation).

I can't believe that I made it to a thousand posts on a delphiforum. What's worse, I can't believe you guys let me go off for so long.

What's wrong with you people, don't you have any sense of discipline any more?

Well, word came down from the STANDARD BROADCAST OF SAFE DELPHIFORUMS POSTING PRACTICES (don't ask- it's a little voice inside my head) that the Cary Coatney Phenomeon will cease after a record breaking 1000 posts. The sets are in the process of being broken down even I write this.

I know you guys are really broken up about this - but I'm afraid it's time to put away the napalm and the anthrax that's you been waiting to throw at me back on the shelf and save it for your grandkids.

I figure it's better to end on a high note - just as when Chris Carter did when he ended the X-Files.

I was orginally going to put myself on trial for crimes against cyber humanity. Have you guys rack up all the charges on my rap sheet that I've made over the previous posts concerning items of sexism, the bestiality of striking MTA workers, and how I extol in the virtues of cunnilingus of being more than a contact sport - but then I thought, nah - that could run on forever and I decided it better if all of you just executed me now.

Although, it might have been fun to see how it all turned out.

PLEASE, I PLEAD WITH YOU - END MY LIFE NOW. ALLOW ME TO GO WITH THE DIGNITY OF A DELPHIFORUM SUICIDE!!!

I promise not to tell your mom or dad.

There is nothing personal against anyone on this forum - it just that I've reached a stage of burn out posting on this board. I've run out of unique ways of posting replies. I don't think before I post - I just write down the first thing that comes out of my fingertips without any reasonable rationale and I'd be the first to admit - it's just degrading that I can't rise to any acceptable modicum of competency.

You're all on a higher intellectual plateau above me and I just can't climb to keep up any longer.

Then again, I could be a lying sack of shit and might prove you wrong in the eventuality that my comics start selling and I get that big movie option in the sky.

But the truth is - a lot is going on right now with work at the studio (we've just wrapped production on Constantine and I suspect the cameras are going to start to roll on the new Batman - and this going to create a big headache of journals to keep track of).

Plus- thoughts of closing the store that I've been associated with to close to ten years in some work related capacity due to the death of the owner has got me in the doldrums, and that melancholy has just been reinforced by the passing of Julius Schwartz - which goes to show that the words to a Rush song that I'm so fond of ' learning that we're only immortal for a limited time ' never sounded more truer.

But I'll keep plugging away on with my self published book, 'The Deposit Man' and other related shorts (hopefully to see print soon in Heavy Metal magazine) with my collaborator, Larry Nadolsky.

So fond farewells to all of you - Some great spars were had with the likes of SIRSCOTTIE, LORNAM, JIMMASSEY and a host of others.

And Thank you Mr. Evans for a being such a gracious host.

One day I promise BRENDAN516 that I will come to realize the difference between a trademark and a copyright. I'm working on it.

And thanks to Heidi for pointing me in the direction of starting my own blog.

And of course, it still astounds me that DR CHARLIE PHIL-CHU goes to such lengths to psychoanalyze me when I was already reading Denny O'Neil and Denys Cowan's version of THE QUESTION while he probably was in diapers.

But best of all - to commerate this monumental occasion (and my fortieth birthday)- I wouldn't mind planning a little meet and greet at; say...JUMBO's CLOWN ROOM some months down the road? I'd probably buy the first round...

but wait a minute- this is supposed to be cyberspace. None of guys are supposed to be real.

Ok - well, more strippers for me then!!!

~

Cary Coatney