Boy, the guys on the Skate Jesus forum were after my blood today- they even dedicated a thread to me and called it the CARY COATNEY CAN'T GET LAID THREAD - I almost choked with laughter on my Dr. Robek's Aciee smoothie. Then I wasted a half hour writing a reply to Charlie Chu who I happen to be sparing with at the moment. I should lend my name out to every thread- make an endorsement deal out of it like 'Alfred Hitchcock Presents' or Steven Speilberg Presents' - you get the idea.
But nothing topped this morning's bus ride- Man, I tell you, nothing would please me more in this world than the instant annihilation of all cell phone users, especially on your commute to work. And don't forget old ladies with enlarged corns on their feet. This guy sitting two rows behind me had to answer a call on his cell - and it happened to be his girlfriend - the conversation esculated to the point of animosity where he just had to refer to whatever girl he was talking to as ' a fucking bitch ' and everyone on the bus had to pause to watch him go off on his cellphone. Next, after he gets off the phone- he has to call some other people to tell them that this Mike, got shot with a shotgun that winded up putting a hole in his stomach. Who the hell wants to hear this nonsense on a crosstown bus. Then from right across me- this old lady takes off her sandals and she's got this gigantic fungus looking corn that resembles something more of a cojoined twin and then this old guy gets on and sits next to her almost brushing her corn.
At least I'll get to see my new Deposit Man cover this weekend.